How would you feel about a guy proposing to you but couldn't tell his mom about it?

Question

My boyfriend and I been together for two years now. We love each other very much and plan to get marry in the future. We talked about getting engaged, then get a two bedroom apartment & move in together, then in two years, when we're more financially stable, get marry. Recently, he proposed, but he won't tell his mom about it. When I asked him when he will break the news to his family and he keep saying when the time is right, because if the time is not right, his mom will flip (his dad died, his mom had a stroke several yrs ago) and he afraid she might have another stroke or something if he upset her. Long story, but we met once and she's not very warming toward me. He wants to take the time & tell her when it's right, but I feel if he couldn't tell her about us, our engagement really have no meaning. What are your thoughts on this?

Answer 1

Just give him the time to tell her that he is asking for. You don't want to start out your engagement arguing over this. If he takes a unreasonable amount of time to tell her then maybe you two might have a Mama's Boy problem.

Answer 2

You've been with him all this time and you've only met his mother once? Does she live that far away or is your boyfriend not close to her? Or does he go see her without you? This doesn't feel very right to me. First of all, I'd have to have the wedding before the two bedroom apartment. Why would he buy the cow if he was getting the milk free?
I would re-think this entire relationship very seriously. I'm not sure he will find a "right time" and that says he's not that devoted to you. If his mother's going to "flip" there's another problem to be solved. Who's he engaged to? You or his mom? You might want to back off a bit and look at the big picture here.

Answer 3

Very interesting problem. If he is more than just a son and gives even limited care, then yes he has to pick a very opportune time. Stroke victims that are not changing their lifestyle can easily have another stroke. However, if he is a Mom ma's boy, then good luck. Interesting problem indeed!!!! Personally I would suggest he say he's moving out first! And do it! Get his own place, then when she is farther out of his life,(4-5 months) have him tell her! This should lessen the blow considerably. Plus he can see how difficult it is to be on his own. No one should go from Mom's house to Marriage! It's just wrong!

Answer 4

RUN GIRL RUN. Do not marry this man. You will have nothing but misery. His mother is going to control his every move and he is going to let her. If you think she does not like you now, just wait until she finds out you are "planning to take her baby away" I bet you hear those self same words sometime. He is not going to ever stand up to her and you will always come second to her. I see nothing but trouble for you with this mamma's boy and his manipulative mother. It has been years how much time is he going to take to tell her about the engagement. There are soooo many red flags in this little bit you have shared that I fear for your happiness should you marry this man. He will never give you what you want and you will have to put up with and cater to his mother. when you get that appartment just think about why you are getting two rooms. It ain't for some baby you might have in the future, it is for his mother who is gonna move right in and make your life hell. DO NOT DO THIS OR YOU WILL BE SORRY

Answer 5

First off, why get a 2 bedroom. A one bedroom will be cheaper and you KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM. Don't try and lie about it :)

As for the mother....he needs to be a man and not care what his "mommy" thinks...unless of course you are a crazy women. Then maybe mommy knows best. Watch the movie "Hush" but plz don't read to much into the movie. Maybe she is just scared of losing him. Try writing her a letter and letting her know how much you love her son and how happy you are that she raised such a GREAT guy. Make sure you complement her and her son LOTS!!! Then invite her out to lunch, you treat! Then put the letter in the mail and wait for her to reply. If she does not reply then I don't know what to tell you. If she replays then talk to her (do not bring up marriage or moving in) just talk...get to know her and let her get to know you! Its the best thing you can do.

Answer 6

I agree with you. If he can't share one of the most important events of his life with his family, then it has no meaning...or he's an incredible wuss.

Frankly, I'd tell him that while you appreciate his concern and caring for his mother, that until he actually grows up, you'll be seeing other people. Then, you need to see other people.

I'm going to hazard a guess that he'll never outgrow needing Mommy's approval, and you'll be miserable if you decide you'd rather play second fiddle to her the rest of her life.

Good luck, hon.

Answer 7

How long has it been? He sounds like he is afraid that she will disapprove, and is using the stroke thing as an excuse for not telling her. If he is afraid of his mother, then this is what your life is going to be like later. How about the two of you telling her together?

Answer 8

c'on honey!!!!thrue love is not abt being $$$stable or paying way too much attention to both parties' relatives,if he really loves you,you may not only be openly engaged,but married!!!,i'm a guy and i can tell you that when we say wait it's kind of this is not the right one for me!!!,you are giving everything from you to him...please your desires in the relationship have to be fullfiled too,make your word be respested!!!

Answer 9

When you marry someone, you marry their whole family. If you are both serious about this working, then you need to first work at getting to know his mother. If you both cannot do this, they you are not ready to be engaged.

Answer 10

First, start warming up to his mom. Even if you don't get along well, you have one thing in common and that is loving the same man. Allow her to feel that you are not a threat at taking her son "away", but that you want to be involved in her family life with him too. After she starts to warm up to you, and you feel better about your relationship with her, tell your fiance' that if he doesn't tell her, that you will. Then, if you do, make sure it is very gently and with reassurance that you want to be a great daughter to her too, not just wife to her son. Good Luck.