I just discovered (by snooping)that my daughter failed all of her classes in her first semester at college this fall. She just told me yesterday that she had 2 B's and a C. I am certain that she has told me a number of lies in recent months. I also found muscle relaxers in her drawer. I don't know whether to confront her today-2 days before Christmas-or wait until after the holiday. I though of putting a note on the grade report from her school like "I have seen this. We must talk NOW". I realize this is very serious, but I don't know where to begin. I don't want to push her to do something (else) stupid.
2006-12-23 01:28:47 · 14 answers · asked by rabbit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
As a college student myself, and also a young adult..I know that if I lied to my mom and she snooped and found out the truth (which has happened before) I would want her to confront me after the holidays. You have to remember there is a reason she didn't tell you the truth from the beginning, possibly trying to save you the stress until after the holidays. As for the muscle relaxers, I would wait on those to and a few days after christmas sit down and talk with her. I would apologize for snooping right away. She will use that against you. trust me, ive done it. Good luck
2006-12-23 01:33:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you paying for college? You guys are establishing a new relationship and she is probably struggling with your new roles. Depending on how accessible the information was , she may have wanted you to find it. If you want her to open up, you've got to make her feel like you understand with stories of your struggles at that age. She can't feel judged. I think a note is too childish. Go to her, if you can, cover up your own snooping. and say, "I know your having a hard time at school and that you don't want me to know, but were both adults now and we have to talk about this" let her talk and defend and struggle and nod, by the end of the conversation remind her that is is her OWN life she's ruining, her own dreams that won't be achieved, and whether she hides it from you or not that fact is still true.
she'll feel much better knowing it's in the open, probably make for a more relaxing Christmas.
2006-12-23 01:48:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront her after the holidays. Don't ruin the time you have home with her. If she lives outside of the house then you don't want to make her go home. However, after the holidays are over ask her for a girls night out. Go out and have a lot of fun. Then bring up that you know the truth. I used to have a problem lying and I got help from a friend. Maybe you could have a friend talk to her about it. I know when I failed my classes once I was out partying and everything so much and not studying and then I was to embarrased to tell my parents that I had failed that one,
2006-12-23 01:37:11 · answer #3 · answered by Jamie G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not do "nothing". Let Christmas pass. A couple of days won't hurt.You have no choice but to deal with it.If she lives in your home, if you pay for her college,etc., she has responsibilities. Tell her the partying can only be done on the weekends or you will stop paying her way.
Your daughter is lying to you because she does not know a good way to say hey mom the reason I failed is because I have been to busy partying and getting laid.
And don't say you are sorry for snooping. Instead tell her how hurt you are for having been lied to.
2006-12-23 01:36:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't candy coat it to her!! Come off like a ticked off parent who has been lied to. College is not cheap as you are seeing and the muscle relaxers???? Where did she get them and why is she taking them if they are not hers? Did you know if your kid gets a drug charge, she will lose financial aid? There is no nice way to do this. This is a very serious situation, if it does not get handled now this whole thing could get much worse! More failing, more drugs, pregnancy, disease, over dose. I know that is pushing to some of the outer limits, but I watched a lot of my graduating class leave school early. Either because they had to go to drug and alcohol rehab or were pregnant or just died on the weekend because of stupid actions. I guarantee, if she had to pay for her own classes, books, and dorm, she would not be failing! Plus if she is receiving financial aid, she has to maintain a certain GPA to keep receiving it. I know students like to party, I was one of them but I worked as hard as I played.
2006-12-23 02:16:22 · answer #5 · answered by shaman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont lecture her
dont yell at her
dont ground her or whatever
let her kno that her irresponsibility of maintaning the years of your future is her own, if she ***** up let her kno that your not gonna pay, its going to be her, let her kno how things work in the real world, show that daddy/mommy isnt always goin to be there in the rebound if she makes a mistake, enforce that she is in control of her own destiny and if she doesnt want college she can get a shitty job flippen burgers for minumum wage and let her kno during those burger flippings she could be making alot more of her life had she not ****** up in college
the point of college is to develop an education for what you want in life.
if she isnt mature enough to see that then maybe she shouldnt be doin college.
and be calm about it, dont yell or flip out, the message will be deliverd much clearer in a calm tone voice, yelling will just cause anger and not too much listening, and talk to her AFTER the holidays, its not even snowing in december, things are messed up as it is, just have a happy holidays and then let her kno where her actions will take her
2006-12-23 01:36:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's a college student,you should present her with the information you know,and ask point blank.You won't regret it.If she is not confronted now,her life may get so far out of control that it will be impossible to help her later.
2006-12-23 01:37:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should try being a caring father and not an angry father...
Ask her if there is anything she wants to talk to you about... Maybe say that if there is, you are always there to listen and NOT pre-judge...
I'm sure you can understand the pressure of further education... Try that approach, it'll get better results... "More flies with honey than vinegar!!!"
2006-12-23 01:33:16 · answer #8 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you know she is having some problems and you are willing to forgive her without any punishment and continue to pay for her college without question even if she continues her apparent reckless and self destructive behavior, then say, "I lied, girlie. How does that feel when you are lied to? Huh? You are in deep doo-doo!"
2006-12-23 01:34:20 · answer #9 · answered by Hielodrive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hold her result report or muscle relaxer and when she enters da room, she will see u holding it and it will prepare 4 da talk, may be she wud start explaining herself or if she doent u start it coz she wud be ready 4 it!talk calmly! and discuss it and come to a decision dunt end up fighting it wll make things worse good luk
2006-12-23 01:36:16 · answer #10 · answered by dia a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋