Is this a lie, do I have a right to be upset?

Question

I just found out that both my husband and mother-inlaw have lied to me. My husband says it is not a lie though.
He is a truck driver and I just found out by snooping in his email that he picked her up this past Monday and took her on a run with him.
Before he left he had a cheque book with him and I asked him what it was for he said he was meeting his mom at a truck stop to get some signed. I had tried calling her later in the day to get a message to him and then again throughout the Monday and Tuesday (when she was on his run). When she called me back she did not mention being out with him.
When he finally called me on Wednesday he didn't mention it either, then I found out on Thursday by the email he sent her that he would be picking her up at noon at her place. When I confronted him he said they didn't lie. I see this omission as a lie and when I asked why he lied about the cheques he said no lie either but when he left here monday he said he was meeting her not picking her up!

No, they were not out buying Christmas presents or exchanging money.
Yes, he did cheat on me two years ago (Christmas time). The time of year brought me back to that and I felt insecure and snooped; the only other time I checked his email was when I found out about the girl two years ago...
Maybe I am insecure...paranoid. I gave his engagement ring back this morning and now we have to work out how to separate. I am hurting soo much I just want to die! If it was no big deal then why keep the trip from me? How many other times has he lied and never got caught? When I walk in the room and he is talking to his mom he hangs up. If he's on the computer he closes windows. I don't think he loves me anyway, he only calls when hes out because I tell him to and never says I love you. I guess I'm just a stupid sucker I don't know what he is getting out of staying with me or he just doesnt want to leave his son.

Answer 1

This sounds like a song performed by Black Sabbath PARANOID! Your question does makes little if any sense. It sounds like trivial nonsense.

Have you left some key points out that should be shared here?

Answer 2

First, you should not be snooping in his email. I did this once, oddly enough, with my trucker husband, and discovered his affair. The moron he was sleeping with emailed him pictures of them together. Anyway, be careful what you look for, once you find it, it becomes your dilema. Obviously, there are trust issues here. If you are snooping and he is hiding, there is a lack of communication that alone will destroy your marriage.
They probably are getting your Christmas gift or something and that's why they are sneaking around. Either that or they went to see a divorce attorney.
I don't understand at all why he would need her to sign checks unless he works for her or you are all on the same bank account.
And why would calling her get a message to him? I'm not understanding why you would have to go through his mother to get to him.
Maybe she is having some problems and needed to spend some time with her son and sort things out. Being a personal issue, there was no need to tell you about it. For her privacy, since he doesn't seem to be allowed any of his own.
By the way, did you tell him every single thing you did last week? I mean, you need to know what he's doing and who he's talking to every minute of the day. Do you ever keep anything to yourself, because you don't think it's a big deal?

Answer 3

Several Idea's come to mind. Given it's Christmas Holiday, he could have been with her in order to buy a specific christmas present for someone in the family maybe even you.

There could possibly be something she needed him to see and provide an opinion on before a purchase was made. There are any number of possibilities here.

Snooping in his email, is totally wrong, wrong, wrong, and did i say wrong. What gives you the right to read other people's emails?

There is nothing wrong with this sort of behavior around the holiday season. However, if your guy moves out in the very near future then he must have asked for help in getting set up with a new place and mommy of course helped him to do this.

I wouldn't worry about this until after christmas, more than likely you'll be surprised in a good way about all this. Don't create a problem by accusing them of lying to you over this little thing.

It will only serve to ruin the holiday season for everyone. Merry Christmas and have a happy and prosperous new year.

Stay out of other peoples email.

Answer 4

There are certain rules that needs to be implemented at any time and one of them is no email checking, no cell phone checking. If you have to do these two, it means that you have a trust issue or that you don't trust anyone around you at all. It is his decision to meet his mother at any place or time, and it is best for you not to get involved. I can honestly tells you that this can lead you to the courthouse faster than a cheating relationship. Therefore, if you value your relationship, your family and your comfort way of living back off and don't interfere on the relationship between son and mom. I had told the same thing to my current wife and she only was trying to find out how many times I had spoken to my mother. When she realized that the more she pressure me about it, the less I started to cooperate at home or got any assistance from my mother, the point was taken.... By the way, is he mad because you spend some money while he was on the road for the house and the kids and you forgot to mentioned to him along with your lunch with your own mother? Think about it

Answer 5

Omission is in the lie family..how ever stealing is no better..basically you suspect him having an affair with his mother..thats real insecure of you. Not a good idea to go snooping thru HIS email. If you keep up this insecurity and checking up on him your marriage will never survive. You need to sit down and talk with him..first appologize for being nosy and going thru his email..then ask him point blank why he felt he could nt tell you he was taking his mom on a truck run. They may have been planning something for you and you blew this all out of whack..

If you accuse a man of something he hasnt done it will drive him to do it since he is being hounded about it anyway.

Answer 6

Well, you may want to chaulk this up to "choose your battles." A relationship between a son and his mother is very close. You can't interfere with that. Maybe he wanted some time with mom to talk about stuff.

Let it go. You can only loose this battle.

Think about it this way: While he is with his mother, he will most likely not be cheating on you. (not unless both are really super sick)

Now, if he was meeting another woman and taking her on a run, that would be a bit different.

Separate issue: You are in his emails? He seems like a pretty trusting man. Do you have no boundaries?

Answer 7

He could be doing several things.

Possibly helping his mom out financially.
Spending some much needed time with her.
Sneaking and buying you, or some other family member a Christmas present.

My advice? The man is spending time, possibly money, with his mother (not some other woman) and you need to be happy that he's not upset with you snooping into his email - or out hosing some other woman... So ease-off until he has the time or opportunity to explain it all without being so insecure and nosy.

Here's a reality check: My girlfriend of 5 years just learned her mother found out she has advanced cancer. We're almost neighbors and no one knew her mother was about to die (not even her mother.)

She has weeks to a couple months to live.

If my girlfriend (we're in our 40's) left and spent time with her mother I wouldn't utter a word about it.

That's kind of a severe reality check, but you need to trust him more. In time he'll open up to you (since opening up now probably causes a lot of insecure questions from you - as in your normal behavior) and he's not up to dealing with you about it yet.

Answer 8

I'm still trying to figure out if you are upset he had Mommy ride with him or if you are mad that he felt too threatened of you to inform you of this. I know that checking his e-mail to others seems a bit of a breech of trust, however, being a truck driver myself I know the wife/husband communication is very weird here. Did he lie? I don't know. Does he think he lied? No! Is he afraid of upsetting you? Absolutely! This is the true problem! This is where you need to put your focus. The problem is, this is also going to take some change from you to make it better. You willing to change?

Answer 9

You should be happy he didn't take a stripper on the run with him. He doesn't have to tell you every little thing every single time. I think you are being ridiculous. And stay out of his email. Maybe you should talk to someone and try to understand why you are so insecure with you relationship. Don't mean to be so harsh, but it doesn't seem that he did anything wrong.

Answer 10

Lies dissatisfied all people (till that's a white lie), and all people reacts in a distinctive way while someone lies to them. I, in my opinion, do no longer think of that there is something incorrect with you, it somewhat is in basic terms the form you're.