Just randomly deicded to write a poem but Ive never been into poetry... Is this a good start in you opinion:
Breathed in
Breathe out
And on that baited breath time passess....
Any suggestions welcome :-)
2006-12-22 23:17:12 · 11 answers · asked by Billy M 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Thats not a great start but it works I have had two poems accepted on poetry.com
2006-12-22 23:20:09 · answer #1 · answered by Lance F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's *your* poem and you have the freedom to begin (and continue) any way you like. If you start writing thinking that a critic is looking over your shoulder all the time you'll never unleash the creativity that feels as if it wants to come out.
(For what it's worth, and I'm a poet, I like it.).
Someone defined poetry as 'the right words in the right order,' which isn't as silly as it sounds on first take; and someone else described poets as 'the unacknowledged legislators of mankind,' which does make more sense on first blush.
So: write it. Then walk away from it and come back to see if you can improve it. Improve? make it 'tighter,' which usually means fewer adjectives and adverbs; look out for forced rhymes and rhythms that can sound as if you've worked too hard for not enough return. Ask yourself whether it captures what you wanted to say, which could be anything from a message to another person to a personal sketch or impression.
And stay with it ... blessings on your nascent creativity.
2006-12-23 07:34:55 · answer #2 · answered by mrsgavanrossem 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, personally, i don't really think so. But, you have a good thing going. Just add a little more...you know...like One Breath in One Breath out
And on that baited breath time passess
I don't know...it seems like that works together more.
Sorry to be kind of bum but, that's just how it seemed to me.
Just work with it.
2006-12-23 07:29:39 · answer #3 · answered by Wishful Thinking 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
poetry is always alive when you have something personal that can evoke a picture in the reader.
I think it is a possible beginning, depends on how you go on!
(Why: breathed and breathe? Why passess with double-s?)
What about breath evaporating tracelessly in summer,
and plainly visible in winter?
Or: No breath at all: lifeless corpse?
You and only you can tell how YOUR poem goes on!!
Good luck!!!
2006-12-23 07:22:52 · answer #4 · answered by saehli 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poems are about feelings and what you feel. There is no-certain critereia or way a poem is. I write poems all the time. as long as its your thoughts and what you want from the poem. Let it flow like a story.
2006-12-23 07:24:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see potential here; i'm not going to lie. Although, I'm not quite sure why the first line is in past tense and the second line isn't. They should be consistent whichever way you decide to go (past or present)...
2006-12-23 07:20:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a great start!
Don't get suggestions---the poem won't be totally yours.
You sound like you are doing well enough on your own.
2006-12-23 07:28:46 · answer #7 · answered by MamaCat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes its a good start but u can make3 it better
2006-12-23 08:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by shriya s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not a bad beginning but depends how you carry it out....
2006-12-23 07:55:20 · answer #9 · answered by Ariel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give me more
2006-12-23 07:19:14 · answer #10 · answered by lost one 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋