How can I stop this horrible landlord ruining Christmas?

Question

My boyfriend of 3 years has got friendly with the landlord in our local pub, he is a fat spotty midget with a son who's a policeman but my boyfriend is fit. We moved here to get away from trouble cos my boyfriend was a handful and always in fights.The landlord keeps him there giving him drinks and winding him up, it's a dead end village pub in Wales with half a dozen customers all male chauvinists, prehistoric thinking and they don't like women in there. I collect him but I'm beginning to feel that they are taking the piss out me too. He often starts a fight when he comes home but only when he's been there. The landlord has said a couple of really rude things to me but my boyfriend said he didn't hear them and that I'm being stupid. I don't want us to split up because of a horrible alcoholic man...it sounds stupid but my Dad died about 6 weeks ago and I'm feeling so very low...if only Dad was here he would go and punch all of their lights out

Answer 1

From what you tell us, your boyfriend is no picnic..."a handful & always in fights" is what you wrote. I'm sorry, but he sounds like a disaster area & I don't believe he never hears what the other alcys are saying about you.

I'm so sorry about you losing your Dad, but all the same the only honest advice I can give is to cut this guy loose & find someone who cares about you. It may sound mean, but there it is: otherwise, in ten years time you will wake up next to him & realise you've wasted a huge chunk of your life.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Answer 2

Well, you have a porblem other than the landlord being an alcoholic.
what do you consider the boyfriend? HE certainly is not an angel in all this.

stop and really look at the cituation. Your boyfriend also has a drink problem and certainly is using the landlord as an excuse to dronk. Looks like they are drink buddies.
You boyfriend seems to from what you are saying is using the landlord to supply his needs for drinks.
You really need to thinnk this situation over before you get hurt.
The friendship between the two of them is only going to get more hurrful for you.
Maybe you need to change directions and consider other living arrangements. Not with two alcoholics in your life.
Sorry about your fathers death, but hope you see your way clear from this mess.
go see a friend and have a great
Christmas without the two of them. You deserve better/
All you are doing is enabeling him by picking him up and putting up with it.
get some guts and give him one choice. stop or out. dont mess any more......

Answer 3

i don't feel that there is much you can do after trying to reason with your boyfriend to understand that maybe the landlord is a bad influence especially if your boyfriend is new at trying to straighten his life out. It's not easy to control someone elses life when they don't seem to want to control it themselves. I believe that you may be a bit naive in thinking that your love will save him. I don't believe that you are equiped to help him until you become a bit more stronger in your life. I don't doubt that your boyfriend needs someone in his life but it seems that so far you may be losing the battle. Sure your boyfriend needs love and someone to help him but he needs professional help and if he doesn't get it he will drag you down with him feeling helpless. Right now you are living in his world which is filled with alcohol abuse and probably other issues, I don't think you should stay. I beleive that if you leave he just may follow you and get help but if he doesn't, sweetie, you will be better off not having to deal with his weaknesses and his demons. You can't help him merely by staying with him and not have the knowledge or wisdom to help him. Although you may feel you have nowhere to go or that you don't want to because you love him...remember you can't be in love with an alcoholic-that kind of love is a one way street. Love and in a loving relationship are two different things. He is being molded into the type of man you dispise (I can tell by your letter) so find him some help, ask him to take it or give him your ultimatum and stick to it. If you can't save the both of you-save yourself.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, it's tough to lose someone so close to Christmas... my Dad was buried on Christmas Eve when I was 11.

I don't understand why you blame the landlord - surely your boyfriend chooses to go to the pub, choosed to drink, chooses to repeat the behaviour even though it's putting his relationship at risk?

I think you should look more closely at your boyfriend - it sounds like he hasn't sorted out any of the issues that resulted in you having to move there in the first place.

Good luck, and I hope you're ok.

Answer 5

if nothing else comes of your email here, it sure gave me a lift. sorry about you dad and nothing can be done there. but your boyfriend sounds like onslo from "keeping up appearances." but you had better watch that one. he could drag you down and surely a sweet warm creature like yourself can find a replacement. if i weren't a used up american without hopes i would be knocking on your door. you sure sound like fun. i will tell you this until the landlord relationshjp ends, just detach. concentrate on putting all your affairs in order and get ready to bail. trouble is this drinking thing. ater this landlord who is next? and who was it before the landlord? are you that desperate and fearful of spending a little time alone. i would stat with a little tough love and lay down the law just before you have him arested for one reason or another. just catch him good and drunk and they will haul him in. do you smoke? i cannot smoke. am allergic to the stuff. sensitive lungs. neve did smoke. just checking. i would give anything to move over there.

Answer 6

First of all, I am sorry about your dad.Second,you don't want to mess around with midgets during this time of year.
Bottomline is your bf needs to get his s#$% together.He says he didn't hear him unsulting you.That means that he must "hear" it to defend your honor. A man who genuinely loved you,drunk or not would take your word for what it was,maybe much faster when drunk than when sober.About spltting up because of a thirsty soul, I think the thirsty souls is your b/f.Fights...3yrs...moved to get away from drama.He needs to put the bottle down and realize what he has with you.Or maybe he likes midgets who own bars and apartments.Hey...a sugardaddy!Yeah.you need to drop that zero and get you a hero...preferably one that doesn't drink.You shouldn't have any problems.You're a good looking avatar.Is that a robe your wearing, d'just get out of the shower or somethin'?
by the way,how does it feel to waste 3 years of your life?

Answer 7

What a wonderful Christmas question.

You do realise you don't need ANY of these people, don't you?

It is almost as though they are treating you like a possession, like a farmyard animal. INCLUDING your boyfriend by the way. He sounds like a charmer, I must say.


You need to take control of your own life and get away from these morons. You owe it to your dad, not to let these people walk all over you.


As for your delightful boyfriend, if you ever deny him sex he will start slapping you about. I know the type. GET OUT !!!

Answer 8

sounds like you've had 3 years of misery with this loser your with,how can you blame the fat landlord,its your fella whos putting the drink away(freebies are hard to refuse,and everything taste better when its for nothing)its his choice 2 go to the pub and not stay at home with you, you've just lost your dad,your 'man' should be supporting you not on the slash. sorry about your dad...

Answer 9

i think its not the landlord but ur boyfriend .
he does not seem right to me and if he is so easy to get involved u should better think of this relationship again .
yes u could move but what if there is another landlord or new friend this style ? this would be no solution for u .

good luck

Answer 10

You will need to use your imagination to keep your boyfriend out of the pub. Won't be easy by the sound of it.

Start by telling him that you won't pick him up from the pub anymore because you do not like his friends in there and do not want to get in contact with them.