I lied and told my Mom, Aunt, and sister that we had planned on going out of State for Christmas and that I won't be around to celebrate with them this year...that we could do Christmas another time. My family never agrees on anything and Christmas always seeme "fake"....like no one wants to see each other anyway. Today, I called my sister and told her that the trip got canceled and if my Mom stays overnight with her (she resides at a group home for the mentally ill) that we're free to either have her over for a few hours Saturday night or we could come over there. My sister didn't like this idea....not at all. That I should have my Mom over too since she wants to see my 17 month old daughter. So...I agreed and planned a small lunch on Sunday and also agreed to take her back to the group home which is 1 1/2 hour drive each way. Then, later in the evening, my sister calls and says that my Aunt called her stating that she will come Monday to my place and pick my Mom up, but there's a
2006-12-22 18:24:33 · 16 answers · asked by Mom of One in Wisconsin 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Christmas
catch...my Mom would have to spend the night on my brand new sofa. I immediately said "No!" My sister was not happy. My Mom has incontinence issues and I don't want her sleeping on my sofa. I, too, have chronic insomia and post-partum depression and would be a nervous wrek with my Mom overnight as I am clueless as to what to do if she has a panic attack, what medications she is on on when she is supposed to take them, what to feed her (she's diabetic), etc. Is it wrong of me to be "pissed off" at my Aunt just telling my sister what I should and shouldn't do for my holiday? I was planning on a nice, quiet, relaxing, Christmas Day with my husband and daughter.
2006-12-22 18:25:27 · update #1
Also, why couldn't my Aunt call me with her ideas instead of having my sister call me and say "Jean will pick Mom up from your place on Monday IF you have her overnight Sunday night." I agreed to lunch, which I can't afford so I put it on credit, on Sunday plus the cost of gas to take her 100 miles to get back to where my Mom lives. I can only hope that my daughter is OK and sleeps in the car.
2006-12-22 18:26:31 · update #2
My priorities now are my husband and daughter. Since my sister is my Mom's leglal Guardian that's the reason I called her to see if my Mom is coming down to visit....that I could find a few hours to spend with her. I didn't plan on having to have a party this weekend at my place PLUS get pushed into her having her overnight. I see my Mom, but I just can't handle the way that she is...I have my own anxiety/panic attacks over it.
2006-12-22 18:45:48 · update #3
This may not be the answer you're hoping for, but I'm speaking from personal experience--you just have to say NO. It will feel terrible when you do it, but you have to realize that you have to do things for yourself and your immediate family! Holidays with my family were always difficult, and now my husband and I share them alone. Our families were not happy at first, but they all have accepted our wishes and don't seem to hold it against us now. Happy holidays!
P.S. I see a lot of answerers are really upset by the lie you told. I'm certainly not going to claim that lying is a good thing, but I completely understand how, when you feel you're trapped between the proverbial rock & hard place, telling an untruth seems like the best option, especially when you're trying very hard to maintain your sanity AND not hurt the people you care about.
2006-12-22 18:28:50 · answer #1 · answered by Sahara 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I hope the answers telling you that you are some kind of bad person dont get to you too much. People have all sorts of differing relationships with their parents and their priorities and yours will always differ.
I understand that having your mom stay overnight would be too much for you and it is perfectly acceptable to feel that way. You dont need any extra guilt placed on you people on yahoo answers that dont know your full situation.
Stick to your guns and tell your sister and aunt that you will be seeing you mom for lunch on Sunday and if either of them feel that she should have an overnight stay then let them know you will be happy to drop her at their place (if it's possible logistically) rather than at her group home for Sunday night.
Christmas with your husband and daughter sounds as if it's just what you need right now. Get the Sunday visit with mom over with then relax into a good Christmas day with those that you cherish and love most in the world. There is no shame in having a quiet Chritmas with your immediate family and dont let anyone, be it sisters, aunts or strangers online tell you otherwise.
To answer your question, if you are upset then you have that right. You just have to be firm with your sister and tell her no. If you dont feel capable of doing it maybe ask your husband to talk to her and tell her that your mom will be returning to the home if she or your aunt cant have her overnight on Sunday.
I really do hope you have the quiet Christmas with your family that you desire!!
Karma.
x
2006-12-23 04:01:59 · answer #2 · answered by angelkarmachic 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As for the new coach you can always go buy (or may already have) a crib sheet that is made to protect fabric from urine/fecis so that really isn't the problem. The problem is that you have more on your plate then you can handle right now and although you want to visit with family you don't want the burden of dealing with a long family gathering. It is ok to tell your family it is too much for you to handle right now. You do not have to grasp for 100 reasons why! You state several issues here that are solveable but the biggest one is that you have post partum depression and can not handle the extra that will be needed to take care of your mother on an all night basis. Your family will either have to make better accomodations for your mother or give you your space for now and not come for Christmas. By asking for them to come to something you can't afford and agreeing to drive your mother 1 1/2 hours away and then have to turn around and come home with a small child in the car is very acceptable. I can't believe that your family is attempting to put more on you than you can handle right now by trying to force you into an overnight. There is nothing wrong with taking her home after your brunch. When you discuss this with your sister just tell her an overnight is too much for you and you prefer to just take your mother home for the night where she can be assured the proper care she needs. Tell them right now you are not willing or able to do an overnight with your mother. The reasons behind this is between me and my husband and I am sorry but that is all I am capable of right now.
2006-12-23 03:41:41 · answer #3 · answered by Janet J 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You absolutely do. It is your house and your rules. I would definitely not want anyone sleeping on my brand new couch who had incontinence issues. It was very presumptuous that your aunt and sister did that. I say do whatever YOU want to do on Christmas. You did a nice thing by asking your mother over for LUNCH. You weren't obligated to do anything. Tell your sister that it is not a good time and STFU. I am in a situation like that with two family members who just announced that they were staying at my house from the 23rd-25th. I said they could entertain themselves because I would be busy most of the time. Good luck and I hope you can do what you were planning on doing. Congrats on your baby and try and have a Merry Christmas!
2006-12-23 03:36:32 · answer #4 · answered by Meg 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you have the right not to have your mother stay at your house if you don't want to, but I wouldn't feel too bad about your sister calling and telling you about your aunt's ideas. It's always hard to coordinate things like this between three people because three people don't generally talk to each other on the phone at the same time. As I see it, there are two ways to go about this:
1. You could make arrangements for your mom to stay with you in a way that would work for you. If you are afraid that she would urinate on your couch, for example, you could make arrangements for her to sleep in your bed on a rubber sheet for the night or something like that. And you could make arrangements for your husband to help with her medications and so forth. I don't know if you could possibly work it out to a place that would work for you in this way, but that is one possibility.
2. If you don't think that you could sufficiently arrange things that would work for your mom to be taken care of and your family, then you can simply tell them that it doesn't work for you, for the reasons that you've already given. I hope your mom will end up having a nice place to stay over Christmas, at any rate.
Merry Christmas.
2006-12-23 02:36:42 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately you cant have everything your own way. I mean you did lie to avoid a situation and in the end you got yourself into it even deeper. Your aunt had no right to change your plans on you and stuck to Sunday.
As far as your new sofa, dont put her on there if its such a problem or since you have a toddler Im sure you have alot of those linings for matteresses. Use some on the sofa. Or your mom has inconcience she should wear diapers at night.
Its ok to be upset because it really didnt go the way you would have wanted. Its not fun to be upset around Christmas especially. Next time if you are going to lie and feel guilty about it and then change it try to have another plan first!
2006-12-23 02:39:24 · answer #6 · answered by chiara 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
That you even ask the query "do I have the right to be upset", is hysterical. Of course you have the "right" to do anything you damn well please. You, however, sound like a very bitter & rotten human being.
I feel sorry for your little rugrat in the photo when she urinates by accident on that new couch some day! Grow up & respect your mother for who & what she is - a human being & your MOTHER. The fact that she has a mental illness, and doesn't fit into your plans, and makes you anxious is YOUR problem and you're too selfish to do anything about it. If you respected, cared & loved your mother - you would relish the chance to spend what time you can with her. Shame on you!
2006-12-23 03:43:22 · answer #7 · answered by ☼High☼Voltage☼Blonde☼ 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Whew, and I thought my family had problems!! You people are as dysfunctional as they come. But here is the bottom line, she is your MOTHER. I am sure you peed on her couch and her bed and her floor and her when you were a baby and she did not kick you out. You can put a plastic sheet on the couch, or put an adult diaper on her, or if you don't sleep, you can get her up every few hours and take her to the bathroom. I don't care what you planned to do about spending a relaxing evening with your husband, your mother will not be around forever and she is priority over your relaxing evening now. Your mother took care of you and now it is your time to take care of her for just one night for heavens sake !!!!!! Step up to the plate and be a good person who loves and respects her mother.
2006-12-23 02:41:46 · answer #8 · answered by nesmith52 5 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Wow...
How rude and self righteous. You lie to your family and then go back on the lie and now you're complaining about it? You don't want your mom on your couch because of incontinence issues? Get some plastic or something for god's sake! She's your mother!
If your family is such a huge ordeal for you and may require you to actual give a crap about someone besides yourself then why don't you stick to your original plans and say you're going out of town.
Christmas is supposed to be about family. What kind of example are you setting for your child? I can only hope that they stick you in a home and won't let you sleep on their couch for Christmas when you're old and lonely.
2006-12-23 03:33:28 · answer #9 · answered by Shuggaloaf 2 · 3⤊ 4⤋
Excuess me - but didn't YOU lie to them?
Holidays are about family yes I agree however have the strength to tell the truth or sit back and take what you get. By the way - give your Mom your Bed during her stay so she will be comfortable and since you have insomnia you can get up and help her to the bathroom
merry christmas
2006-12-23 02:30:17 · answer #10 · answered by ddegraw2001 2 · 2⤊ 4⤋