We are getting married and we really dislike my fiances mums new boyfriend. Trouble is they are getting really serious and have been together for about 8months now. Both my partner and I hate him. But is there a way of having her come to the wedding and not him? It would really p*ss me off to have him there. He tormented my cat. Made snide remarks about my partners cooking and plays the guitar at every opportunity (even when we are having breakfast!) He's the most annoying person I've ever met. His mum is such a sensitive thing and I don't know how to tell her or even if we should. AAaargh! Any advise is appreciated.
2006-12-22 18:13:21 · 11 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't really do anything - you could calmly try to point out what behaviour specifically you dislike ( seperate the behaviour from the person ) either to his face or just quietly let her know. The idea of tackling the behaviour as opposed to the way you feel about the person means that the criticism tends to be more constructive. Reaffirm that you still care about your mother in law but due to her boyfriends behaviour you and your fiance feel that you may have to put a little distance between him and yourselves. It's really important that you leave the door open to her though as he sounds a little sadistic (torment the cat? )
After that being put out there then broach the wedding issue - ask her if she feels he will behave appropriately - is it a good idea for him to come - will he feel comfortable? He also sound insecure plays the guitar ALL the time? weird!
Good luck
2006-12-22 18:32:17 · answer #1 · answered by mickylee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should sit down with her and your fiance without "him" there and have a talk. When you visit her make sure she's home alone and bring her a gift like some fruits or something. Tell her how your wedding means a lot to you and your fiance and you would really appreciate it if things went ya'lls way (meaning "him" not being there, bc he doesn't mean nothing to you). If she doesn't approve and says that if he can't go then she ain't going.. it's not even worth grieving over.
I'm in the same situation but it's my mom's boyfriend. I asked her to come to my hs graduation but included that "he" can't come. She ended up not coming.. it's sad and I almost cried that day but I realize how much other people cared and love me enough to be there for me.
You can't always expect what you think is suppose to be right in life.. bc sometimes the wrong thing happens.
2006-12-22 18:25:07 · answer #2 · answered by simply_complicated 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So after you get married are you going to continue living with his Mom?? Do you live there now?? It sounds like it--and if its the Moms home and you don't like the situation then you tow need to move and if its your home then the Mom and boyfriend needs to move--But to ask her to dump the boyfriend because YOU and you spouse to be don't care for him --is wrong--she is entitled to a life of her own---to love who she wants ---as far as the wedding---well I would say to just let it go--she will feel hurt by you asking her to not bring him --do you really want her to be feeling bad on what should be one of her happiest days too---?? Watching a child getting married and sharing in the day is such a joy to a parent---don't spoil that for her--If you haven't planned the wedding you could go to say Vegas and take her along --say fly and buy her ticket and room --and just tell her that you are sorry you can only afford to pay for her--and that she is special and you want her there--just a thought--
2006-12-22 18:37:13 · answer #3 · answered by skizzle-d-wizzle 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Speak with your mother-in-law and explain what it is about her boyfriend that bothers you and your fiances. Perhaps she's not even aware of your displeasure. To cut her boyfriend from your wedding isn't the right thing to do. Everybody deserves a second chance. Try to be more tolerant and patient. If all else failed, advise your Fiances that you're unhappy with this boyfriend of your mom-in-law and seek her understanding. Work towards understanding this boyfriend of your mom-in-law and see if it'll end up a win-win!
2006-12-22 18:33:03 · answer #4 · answered by SingGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest your fiance talks to his mum as this saves her having ill feeling towards you as while you have to accept each others family you dont have to put up with their crap tell him that tormenting your cat aint on if you dont like their lifestyles you both dont have to because shoe on other foot they wont live the way you both want as it is now ok 4 them to offend you both but you cant offend them this wont work get it out in the open now good luck
2006-12-24 04:49:38 · answer #5 · answered by ariesfunram 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see it simple, that type person who ever in any one life, who like to be the center of every one life, by simple creating chaos around, when every one else around just wants some peace and quiet. This person probably was not teach proper manners as a child, or one or more of the parents was not emotionally available.
2006-12-22 18:31:08 · answer #6 · answered by non existance 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ahhh, the in laws... I wish I knew what I know now about mine... I may not have married my husband. Really, you marry a guy, you marry his family. We have a 15 month old daughter and another on the way, and she is so involved in our life right now I want to stangle her (not really, but I do wish she would move far away).
Can you move?
2006-12-22 18:18:21 · answer #7 · answered by jordansmom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
once you get married pass away pass away pass away - would not even could be somewhat a great way away half-hour an hour something to furnish them slightly distance have faith ME been there completed that it enables lots she would be able to in no way substitute yet a great way will help cool her evil jets lol they in no way substitute yet finally when you have been interior the relatives long sufficient you could placed her in her place that's how we labored it. yet somewhat shifting enables lots greater desirable than you think of it may and be careful approximately telling her issues in self belief if she is two confronted now she would be able to stay that way do no longer provide her ANY leverage
2016-10-18 21:53:06 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how would that work for you if you were ask to stay home from a wedding while your fiance attended? i'm sorry that you have to endure but it is a package deal and when you marry someone you marry into their family as well
2006-12-23 05:23:44 · answer #9 · answered by David C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say this but that is who she wants to be with . Unfortunately , that is just how it is . All you can do is be supportive of her and let her see things on her own . She is gonna have to make her own choices . Just like she allowed her child to make the choice of being with you . Hang in there !
2006-12-22 18:19:19 · answer #10 · answered by niknak 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋