Am I wrong to feel this way?...............?

Question

My husband and I have serious marriage problems lately. One of my biggest problems with him is his fairness in the give and take part of our relationship. If theres something that he can do to make things better & he just doesn't want to do it then he won't change even if he knows its not right to behave that way . Basically I am the only one who wants to make up after a bad fight even if he hurt me bad I suck it up and let it go for the betterment of the relationship. He would never apologize first and he shows no emotion besides being annoyed and angry because of the fact that I'm upset in the 1st place. In a sense I believe in the old addage (If you truly did someone wrong and are sorry about then you would do all you can to make the situation better (kissing up). I do this for him when I am wrong but he doesn't feel he can do this for me. I feel like he cares more about staying angry and annoyed rather then looking at how he hurt me and apologize and try to make things better.

I want to know if this is a deal breaker in a relationship to be the only one to own up to there mistakes and to be the only one who takes the step to try to make things better even if I didn't cause as much emotional damage. Is it fair for me to expect him to show the same respect and remorse as I show when I am wrong. I am just tired of always taking the burden of if I don't do anything it would fall all to hell. He has good qualities but he fails in this. Is this enough to end the marriage?

Answer 1

OK...I have been married 27 years and I will tell you what a MALE marriage counselor told me and the darn thing works. He said turn around and don't give in.. In that he meant stop being the one that is always the good guy, or the one that gives in....I had told him my husband is always expecting things of me and expecting me to be wrong. He told me to stop apologizing and STOP being the hurt one...dang HE WAS RIGHT. I stopped chasing and my husband started chasing me..In the world of Garfields and Odies....most men like Garfields...seriously I thought it was a joke..it is NOT!!!

Answer 2

Oh I hate that but there are alot of men that are this way. I think it is an ago trip for them. It makes them feel superior and more like a man for some odd reason. You are married and assume you want to keep the marriage. I would suggest some counciling for the both of you. Good luck in getting to go though. That is also another ego issue alot of men have. if it continues this way you will eventually start becoming angry and it will escilate.