How can I overcome my fear?

Question

I am terrified about having kids. I have nightmares that I'm pregnant and I watch "A Baby Story" on TV all the time and cry. I am afraid of being sick during the pregnacy, the unbelievable pain of child bearing, and being a bad mother.
I think my fear came from my 2 best friends, one who had 2 abortions and a miscarrage and the other who had one abortion and a miscarrage. I've never been pregnant before, and I'm the baby of the family so I've never been exposed to any infants, ever. Please help!!!!

Answer 1

Let me just say this.... my pregnancy was very uncomfortable yes... but it wasn't too too bad. I was definitely ready at the end! And when my water broke- the night before I was supposed to be induced (that very next morning- like 8hrs before), the harder contractions came. When the hospital told me i could get the epidural, I went for it- I thought I was going to be able to do it without one, but oh my, I just couldn't. Anyways, I went into 19 hrs of labor before I was taken c-section... and the last 4 hrs of that labor-almost fully dilated, my epidural stopped working entirely!!!!!! :( The spinal epidural didn't even work, so I had to be put under for the c-section. My baby just wasn't descending, and ended up being 9lbs 10oz- shocked even the doctors lol. SO yes, I had great pains, so bad I said in the hospital I couldn't have another.

But you know what? Honestly, no matter how much work and exhausting having kids is... they truly are a blessing. My son melts my heart when he gives me kisses and hugs!!! When he says, "Ma?" Then he'll point at something asking what it is, and I tell him.... it's just such a GREAT feeling! That love you have for your child is not describable! Especially when they are first born!!!

If you do have a baby-that baby will tell you WAY more than you think, and you can always try different things to see what works. You really get to know your baby, and they let you know when they are hungry, etc. So yes, even though I said in the hospital I could never do it again, I want to so badly! It was worth it! :)

Goodluck, and do what you feel in your heart is best.

Answer 2

Being sick during pregnancy isnt that bad, Ive had 2 kids and barfed for the first 4 months, and Im now working on my 3rd child. And having the baby isnt bad either, the pain can be bad but after the baby is born you dont feel any more pain and its sooooooo worth it. Im also sure you will be a great mom, I think pretty much everyone has a fear of being a bad mother. Just make sure you want to have kids and pick the right time and all your fears will go away. I also watch a baby story and cry my eyes out. lol good luck

Answer 3

Having a baby is completely natural. Who knows I didn't get sick at all with my first baby. That happens all the time. Or some people don't get very sick. As far as the pain of childbirth take it from me. I gave birth naturally 15 hours, five of those were pushing! It was a no brainer! Your body does all the work for you, it tells you everything that's going on. And the pain is only during contractions. You get breaks inbetween. I am a big baby and I am willing to give birth a hundred more times for the feeling afterwards. You're completely on top of the world. And don't worry, being a mother comes naturally too if it's something you want. You could go from knowing nothing to mother of the year! I hope that helped and good luck!

Answer 4

Hey well we all have fears of becoming parents. Whats our baby going to look like. Is he/she going to be healthy. Its normal. It will come natural. I'm sure as a child you played with dolls. You were probably caring and nuturing. Being sick it really depends on what you can handle. If your refering to morning sickness its different for different women. My mom for example was sick the whole nine months (anything with a smell she threw up) me on the other hand got sick like in my third month only and i think that was cause i was talking **** and saying to my other pregnant sick cousins that i never had morning sickness. I personally couldnt each chilie or anything hot. I would get heart burn but my son had a head full of hair that was 3 in. long when he was born. So im guessing thats why i had heart burn. As far as unbelievable pain of having the child. Its called drugs girl and they work well. If you can't take the pain the doctor will allow you to take it up to a certain point. I had an epidural and i personally recemend it. When they gave it to me the first time i did throw up but just that once. I got some rest before i had my baby and felt nothing i mean nothing. I had a 10lb baby and the only thing i felt is when the doctor tugged on me to stich me up (he had to cut me) and that didnt even hurt it just kinda startled me cause it was the first thing i felt. Im sorry that your friends made those choices to have abortions i dont know their situations but i still have my opinions of that. However the miscarages they could not control and normally if that happens it is for a reason god didnt want them to become mothers at that point in there lives. More than likely something would have been wrong. And as far as worring about help I'm sure your mom or an older sister that has a baby will give you advice. There is someone who will help you out with that. Its not that bad.

Answer 5

Perhaps you are not ready for children and when you fall in love and truly get the maternal instinct, it could all change on it's own. No one HAS to have children either. I have four ranging from 9 to 29, but in this day and age, it is becoming more and more difficult and challenging to raise children in a world filled with war, crime, drugs and no one knows what the future will hold for any of our children. That scares me more than having children...it is what they will have to deal with in life and the future that is frightening. Perhaps put the focus there ;-) Don't worry about the pain....that is was pain medication and epidurals are for. They keep one pretty pain free these days, early in the labor process. Also, in preparation if you are really wanting a child, ask a friend who has an infant to let you babysit and experience what it is REALLY like. They are not just cute cuddly children all the time. It is a HUGE responsibility, one that should be taken very seriously before pursuing it. Good luck......all will be ok.

Answer 6

You can overcome it if you want kids. If you don't wnat kids, then don't worry about it.

I'll tell you this. Pregnancy is very hard (on me anyway). Labour hurts. And I do it agian and again. It's like walking up a mountain for the view... it is so worth it and they pain there wasn't really so bad after all

Answer 7

Well . . There is a pretty simple answer. Don't do it, don't chance the kid. You could go the expensive way, and make sure you CAN'T have kids. Pills and such when you end up sexually active, but they're not fool proof.

Try talking to some people who are nonbiased on you having kids, get their opinions. It might help?

Answer 8

Honestly once you are ready you will know, not to mention once you hold your baby for the first time you will forget being sick & all the pain and for most mommy skills kick in fast.

Answer 9

Babies are sooo worth the being sick and the pain of labor..

Answer 10

well if ua vhe that big of a fewr it sounds more or less liley tis all in your head lol get over it but if u are not inot kdis then please dont have them they are a huge responisabilty and if u want to ahve kids well try and get a puppy frist and raise it its alot liek ahveing a kid but jsut not quite as much wor klol