If you cheat on your husband, does this mean you do not love him enough to be with him?

Question

I would like to have mature adults answer this question and please answer me seriously.. I know I love my husband but the question is, is it the right kind of love? I remember loving him so much years ago that temptation never bothered me. But when I recieved everything I was not getting at home I couldnt stop my self..I am ashamed of this...Yes I know it was wrong. I just want to try not to make any more mistakes. I don't want to settle, and I love my husband I dont want him to miss out on a women that will give him the life he deserves..I am just so confused on why I felt it was okay to do this...My husband knows that I have not been happy for sometime, but since he was content in his life he refused to see how I was feeling..Not to mention he just don't think that way, I feel like more of his mother than his wife.... I know this is not excuses I just want you to see the situation..But none of this will ever make me forget the great times we have had and how much I loved him..

Answer 1

Why have you not been communicating with your husband? plz read the book, " Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus".

A permissive society encourages you to seek pleasure anywhere you like while a conservative society frowns upon such behaviour. Let us not argue about which value sysytem is right. Look at how you feel. You stepped outside your marital exclusiveness and tasted something outside and now feel remorseful. Your conscience is disapproving of what you have done. So listen to your conscience. Start working at your marriage again and make the good times of the past come back.

Another way of looking at it would be. What would be your reaction if your husband did the same? Will you feel bad or forgive him? Did you see the reactions on Yahoo answers to such situations? Most ppl ask the victim to end their marriage.

I am not recommending you to end your marriage. To err is human and to forgive divine. Are we divine enough is the question?? Repent sincerely and do not repeat such mistakes in future.

Please take this as an important lesson in your life and stop looking outside your marriage if you love your husband. It is Ok to be motherly to your husband. Men like to be childish.Love him more and he will back to his usual self.

Best of luck

Answer 2

It's kind of late for us adults to be up and answering questions.

You were curious whether you could have a more satisfying sexual experience with another man. Moreover, you found out you could.

You should talk to a therapist about this. It's possible the other sex was only better because it was new, different, or forbidden. Perhaps you would fall into the same mothering distance with the next guy after the initial passion wears off. You need to make sure that the problem isn't in your communication and/or your expectations.

I don't know how long you've been married, but in all relationships where the couple feels love, there is a biochemical event called limerance. It makes us feel happy, makes us more open to compromise, shuts out any thoughts of another potential mate or sex partner. This wears off after a year or so. Many people don't know what to do at that point, if they haven't used the first year to develop a deeper caring and friendship with their partner. Without that, you find yourself in relationship with someone that suddenly feels like a stranger.

Answer 3

Been married 10 years. The love in the beginning is so overrated it isn't funny. It is infatuation, lust, realizing you're getting married with all the crap that goes with it.
If you have kids, "love" is tested when you are counting the number of diapers you change as if it is a competition. Love means giving me an extra 5 minutes of sleep because I was the one up all night.
Love 10 years and 3 kids into this marriage is nothing like the love in the beginning of this relationship. Then, love was a great feeling, demonstrated a lot by sex, hanging out with your new spouse. Now, it is tested a lot, I don't really know if I like her sometimes. Again, love now means give me some respect and time alone so I don't go freaking nuts.
Temptation is there it seems all the time with all the school parents who are in the same situation. They can't stand their spouses most of the time. They probably would never cross the line but they sure do flirt like crazy. My wife accused me of having an affair because I got too close emotionally with a neighbor mom. I was working nights and had time in the day to talk to her and realized I felt very at ease talking to her. I became flirtateous but didn't turn into an affair. To this day my wife does not talk to her but I know she has the same things going on at her work. Double standard.
Sorry to ramble but I know where you are at. You love your spouse but realize that there might be someone out there who you like a hell of a lot more. Until it gets real ugly in the marraige, you can be tempted, have platonic relationships (that can involve flirty or downright nasty talk), but if you decide to have a physical encounter, you are crossing into another whole dimension. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I would say you need to go to counseling together as a couple. I am on the other side of the coin and my husband had an affair. The reasons he stated were selfishness, ego, thought I didn't care, lost focus. I feel as if he couldn't have loved me to be able to do this, he says he did and does love me he just lost his way and felt like I wasn't there for him. I think sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes people seem to think the grass is greener on the other side. It happens to lots of people and once they get there it may be greener for awhile but then you start forgetting to water it and it becomes brown. I would really suggest to you that you take a long hard look at your life and see if you think you want to try to work out your marriage. If you do then I would hope that you would go to counseling as a couple. There maybe things you can do to get those feelings back like you once had them. Good luck to you and I hope you have a Merry Christmas.

Answer 5

i've been there too! it's so easy to get set into a rut and feel that your role as his wife is unappreciated. AND it makes us valnerable to others... i'm not saying it's right, i'm saying THAT'S HOW IT IS!

the only real advice i can give you (from someone who's been there and done that) is that the grass ALWAYS looks greener on the other side of the fence... UNTIL YOU GET THERE. all relationships can become stale, unappreciated, and in a rut EVEN if we don't want them to. relationships are hard work.

the only person that knows what's right for you is YOU though. the only person that has to live with the consequences of your actions is YOU.

IF you haven't already told your husband about the affair BUT would like to work on the relationship you have with your husband I WOULD ADVISE that you never tell him! enroll yourself into therapy to deal with the guilt you WILL feel for a year (or a little longer based on the guilt i felt). BUT, if you want out of the relationship, talk to an attorney about what you have to lose if this affair comes out...

best of luck to you!

Answer 6

I have been through a similar experience. I divorced my husband and it was very traumatic time in my life, but now in retrospect it was the best thing I could have done. For the first time in many years I feel free. I can follow my dreams without feeling responsible for someone else and I have stopped feeling guilty about my actions. If you really love someone, you will not risk that relationship by cheating on them. Don't get me wrong, I understand you love him, but would you have done this to him if he was your soul-mate? Good luck, I hope you find what you are looking for.

Answer 7

To be perfectly truthful, you should let him know what happened. If he really loves you and isn't just there for you for himself, he will try to work on HIMSELF, and give you these things that this other person could give you that he couldn't. But on top of that, the most you can do is just spend time with your husband, and find things to do together. Some counseling might be in order, but nothing has hard core as serious therapy. Just some classes that show you and your husband new things to do together. And the truth be told, if its the sexual pleasure that you lack, TELL HIM. Tell your husband what you like and what you don't like, and perhaps he can satisfy your needs better, and you won't HAVE to cheat to get satisfied. Also, feeling the NEED to cheat can also have somethign to do with the subconscious mind. If you feel something is forbidden and has to be secretive, it quite literally turns you on more. But no, this doesn't necessarily mean you don't love him. It just means you need things he can't quite give you. If you really love him, you'll tell him, and if he really loves you, He'll try his best to give you what you need.

Answer 8

It think you had perfectly normal feelings and emotions and it doesn't mean you don't love your husband. I think people sometimes get comfortable with their love and forget to show it like they did in the beginning. Then they are easily swayed when they do get it. Most times, they realize it wasn't what they wanted, and for most women it's not the sex they wanted anyway, but that attention and the feeling of being pretty and special that they weren't getting at home.

Answer 9

You cant turn a Ho into a house wife it cant be done that's just the rules of the game ... Not saying your a ho.. That's a figure of speech... Why should you feel guilty 4 being unhappy ? it takes 2 ta tango... But marriage is supposed 2 be committed good or bad if its not worth the sacrifice than you walk away... U don't betray a trust between 2 people that's just gay....

Answer 10

no it doesn't mean you don't love him, cuz its obvious that you do. I'm not gonna tell you that you cheating on him is justifiable, but he doesn't seem like he has been giving you what you need. The man is the head of the household an us wives are to follow our husbands lead, if they aren't leading very well sometimes we try to lead, in your case it lead to adultry. Ask him for forgiveness, if he can't forgive you then the rest of your lives together you will feel guilty.(forgiveness is never bringing up something that happened in the past-EVER.if he can't do that then he never truly loved you) i should know, exept it was my husband that cheated on me, our marriage is stronger than ever now than it was b4- don't be so gunho to throw it all away.it will be fine- give it to God and let him mend both of your hearts.