we had our "family" x-mas yesterday because of his custody arrangement with his children. everyone opened all of their gifts (including him of course) and i had NOTHING. i tried at first to pretend to not notice... but today i couldn't help but tell him how hurt i am. he gave a lame excuse "i never went shopping without you." I'M SO UPSET. please tell me how you would respond to this...
2006-12-22 16:39:05 · 32 answers · asked by JayneDoe 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i'm raising his children from his first marriage. i'm pregnant with our first child together. i told him EXACTLY what i wanted: 1-lint shaver, 1-wooden back stick, 1- black eye mask... $10 for all three together...
2006-12-22 17:01:16 · update #1
I would be hopping mad. I would cry, I would yell at him, and I would tell him, in no uncertain terms, exactly how I felt. Then, I would tell him that next year, he can go to his family Christmas by himself because you'll be out with the girls.
2006-12-22 16:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by Bastet's kitten 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Sometimes men are idiots. Cool down a bit, and then explain to him like you would a child. Gently and in simple terms that it really hurt your feelings that he couldn't be bothered to gift you. Explain that it also sends a message to everyone else there including children that this is appropriate behavior. Now, time for you to stop expecting us idiots to be mind readers. From now on and every Christmas, give him a shopping list of possible gifts including sizes and colors. Granted, every gift won't be a surprise, but at least you will get gifts that you like. After a few years he WILL become a better shopper. This will leave him no excuses and if he does this again you will most likely be able beat him into a paste with a rolling pin and no jury in the country will convict you. Good Luck.
2006-12-22 16:48:28 · answer #2 · answered by Jim N 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get him to take you shopping, I know that your feelings are hurt, but if you can tell him this with out getting upset you will save a lot of trouble for you both. Maybe he will do better next time, or maybe you can just plan a shopping trip prior to when you guys open gifts. He may not have meant to hurt you. Some guys are bad at this kind of thing.
I would probably get mad and cry, and say really mean things...
Then I would have to apologize later and would probably ruin Christmas for everyone.
Don't act like me, be reasonable about the situation, Merry Christmas to you.
2006-12-22 16:47:08 · answer #3 · answered by sks26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious? it's Christmas not X-mas. That is a cute name to shorten the word if you like the abbreviation (no thanks). Christmas is about giving not receiving. If you expected something in return for buying him something then you are wrong. Doesn't that sound greedy? When you gave him your gift did you give it happily? When you didn't receive a gift back you got pist. Can I make a suggestion? Go down to skid row and humble yourself as there are people who ask nothing but they continue to give of themselves (people who help other people). Get over it (Christmas is for the children if you want to be so materialistic) your so deprived is that what you want to teach your children?. Society has made Christmas such a joke including you. Go on being pist and you may as well hold that grudge forever. Merry Christmas and I really do wish you the best!
2006-12-22 17:27:17 · answer #4 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of men really, truly hate to shop. There's also the possibility that he had no clue what to get you and would rather go with nothing than get something he'd have to watch you open and grimace with disgust, making him feel terrible.
Is this the first time he's missed giving you something? If so, think back to the last time he gave you something and think about how you reacted to it.
He could also just be a heartless jerk, but plenty of other people have already told you that. Just thought you might benefit from another angle on the problem.
2006-12-22 16:48:39 · answer #5 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have already told him how hurt you were. There's not much else you can do. The ball is now in his court. Hopefully he will have a present for you on Christmas day.
In the future you might start dropping hints around Thanksgiving time- asking him what he wants and so on. Teach him about qvc.com and overstock.com. Those sites both allow you to create a wish list, I think. He could be trained to select an item from your list each birthday, and Christmas. He probably didn't mean to be a jerk. He just doesn't get it. Good luck, hon. Merry Christmas.
2006-12-22 16:57:25 · answer #6 · answered by peggy j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you already have responded to it my expressing the hurt he caused you. hopefully you got through and he will be more diligent next time or better yet he will try yo make it up to you by buying something really special . it hurt because he sent a message by his actions. it is most likely that he did not intend to hurt you but he hurt you just the same.
we are traveling to my in-laws for Christmas and my wife is already there but i don't fly out until tomorrow morning and when i called her to make sure that she didn't open the parcel i sent with her present in it she exclaimed that she didn't know i was getting her anything and that she had gotten nothing for me! now this is a woman(women are much more likely than men to be sensitive to these things) that i have been married to for 28 years and except for one year that we were in the middle of a financial crunch where we agreed to only buy for the kids i we have always exchanged gifts with her but if she can get caught up in the stress and busyness and forget to get her husband some thing then I'm not at all surprised that it could happen to your husband.
cut your husband some slack that was what i did for my wife
2006-12-23 08:17:03 · answer #7 · answered by David C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is supposed to be a time of giving. Just because you are married does not always mean that your are supposed to get gifts for everything. Also, children usually are the focus of gift giving during this season. Once you become an adult, we do not have to always put so much emphasis on receiving gifts. You know a gift does not always have to be something store bought. He can do something special and surprise you.
2006-12-22 18:04:56 · answer #8 · answered by nygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he's your husband, that means he loves you...he could have found a way to go shopping. no, its not about gifts in boxes all wrapped up and pretty...but this is one way in which we show love. when the family is gathered around and you're the only one not opening something, that shows his lack of respect for you and your feelings, that he doesn't care that you'd be left out and thus stinking out like a sore thumb. he left you embarrased and that's just plain wrong.
i think you were right to confront him tho. tell him basically what i told you if the subject comes up again. he should know what he did to make you stand out and feel bad. not shopping without you is a very lame excuse...even for a man cuz heaven knows they're full of them.
we all know that men show their feelings differently than women and they don't always see the big picture of a situation, but a man finding time and putting thought into showing his love is the ultimate showing of that love. that he cares enough for you to have something. by now all men should know this but it must be that something's missing in their makeup...oh yeah A BRAIN! hahaha
straight up ask him if he loves you, and make him tell you why...give him time to think on that one tho. he's gonna feel the embarrasment of it when everyone asks him what he got you, and when they ask you and you respond "nothing", i'm sure he'll hear about it.
2006-12-22 16:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by Moon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until Christmas. It may be that he has a little surprise just for you.
Some men just are not good at getting gifts. I like the other answer about getting herself a gift and saying "This is from you." As long as this is OK with him, then maybe that would be a good idea.
I love to shop, buy gifts and wrap them, and at first I thought my husband wasn't interested, or that he didn't love me. He told me that I do it so well that he feels intimidated.
So, I make a fuss over whatever he gives me, knowing it is totally from the heart and his best effort.
2006-12-22 16:49:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Christmas is not until Monday. He got the hint. Don't give up hope. Let him know that the holidays are tough for everyone and you know he has been busy. Give him a little list of hints and tell him how delighted you will be with the surprise he selects for you.
You can salvage this Holiday by not being so sensitive and let him have some time alone to do some shopping with your little list.
Good Luck!
2006-12-22 16:46:06 · answer #11 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋