tom and i just got back from our yearly x-mas party at my inlaws house.when we were there tom's exwife showed up with thier son to bring gifts(even the dog got a gift but not me what a surpise) and made herself right at home for more than 2 hours.i know what everyone is thinking that i'm a evil stepmom.but what you don't know is we had a party with joe's son the night befor with my inlaws to exchange gifts with him.she knew we were having our party and can just to make me upset.we do not get along at all she is very bitter and jealous that i married her tom and makes my life hell anyway she can.my inlaws did not invite her but she uses thier son like bait to get into these functions.i'm also mad at tom as this did not bother him at all and he has no plans on saying anything to his ex about this.i told him how this made me feel and he just said what do u want me to do i can't stop her from showing up.i'm just afraid that she got away with it this time and will do it all the time now.
2006-12-22 16:27:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
how should i handle this?should i just let it go?
2006-12-22 16:27:50 · update #1
next time she shows up just leave. you don't have to put up with feeling bad for two hours. if tom isn't going to do anything about then don't you do anything either. make a statement and leave. tom will follow you if he loves you. once you and tom are gone then the ex won't have any reason to stay.
2006-12-22 16:34:00 · answer #1 · answered by Inez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through that for years. Everything was so wierd. We would fight and then act so "nice" in front of other people. It seemed like everthing that I did, I had a shadow instegating something. Finally the kids fell into the boiling pot. You cannot change her, but she is going to do a lot of damage, to the kids, friends, and family. Of course you can't do anything about it because if you say anything, it will come back against YOU. At some point, others will really notice. Don't let them notice you reacting negatively, or even over-possitively. Just stay cool, as the saying goes, "Give her enough rope to hang herself" But always remember that the kids will suffer the most, so be careful in that department. Don't say anything at all around them, except very simple (but honest)remarks. "Your mom was dressed nice, but I didn't expect to see her. If they ask any Q's about your feelings, just smile and say something to the point that you don't really have any opinion on her showing up................ Good Luck
2006-12-22 16:42:02 · answer #2 · answered by hudson_floridamale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we were in close to the same situation. My ex constantly was doing things like this. I sent her an e-mail stating that when we divorced, the family was part of it. She is responsible for getting the kids to see her parents and I for mine. When the kids are with us, unless it's a school function she stays away with no contact other than daily by phone. I in turn do the same for her.
Sadly, until your husband steps up and takes charge and lets her know that this behavior is off limits, it will continue. He can and should let her know not to continue these traits.
It will take time to adjust but if persistent, it can be overcome and all will benefit from it. It took us about 4 months to get this under control. It takes time for your husband to feel he can control this. I was threatened with lawsuits, called all names in the book, my new wife included, but we did not give up. Be firm, but always show kindness. Treat her as you want to be treated even when she does these things.
My ex can't stand it that I am happy without her, but even when she does things that hurt, we do not show or feed her any emotion. She eventually started bothering others in her life because she learned that she can not control our joy with each other. The key to this being resolved is for your husband to take control and say, NO MORE.
2006-12-22 16:48:06 · answer #3 · answered by 93octane 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be the bigger woman and stop letting it bother you. You can't control what she does, and neither can your husband. She is winning as long as you keep getting upset and fighting with your husband over what she does. She is going to continue to try to make you mad and happy as long as you let her, Take control and don't let her get to you.
2006-12-22 16:35:03 · answer #4 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
let it go. be as nice as you can to her.people can handle love and hate, what bothers them the most is indifference. just smile and say hi, and let the evening go. the only way she can make your life hell is if you let her. if its causing friction between you and your husband, she wins. dont fall into her game, be above it.
2006-12-22 16:42:37 · answer #5 · answered by chris l 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie. read this carefully. tom is using you to get back at his x wife. you, my dear, are driving her insane. see? tom is not worried. he is sitting back and watching her squirm. he doesn't know how much it is really tearing your heart out right now. be strong. i was. been there done that. i was pregnant and feeling ya know, fat! i dug up the courage and enjoyed the party. after wards, several people came up to me and voiced their dismay at her appearance. so, i felt tons better. now i look back, and think what a dummy i was, i had him not her. she was the idiot.
2006-12-22 16:33:56 · answer #6 · answered by REALLY 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋