i have been with him for 5 years.in the last couple of years,his grandma passed,and he got really depressed.he started drinking,and he just changed.he is such a wonderful person,when he is sober.but,when he is drunk,he is a whole diferent person.not a violent drunk.but i cant stand this anymore.i stood by his side,because i wanted to help him.even,asked his friends,not to buy him drinks.but,they always say,well,too late,i already did.and ,im done.i want to help him,but,at the same time i cant do it by my self.i cant stand,the smell,and the fact,that he always wants sex,when drunk.but,i just cant do it.he stinks.im just done.but,dont want to hurt his feelings.is there a nicer way to say,baby,im done with you?
2006-12-22 16:18:43 · 22 answers · asked by super girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
u cant, 5 years is a long time but ur doing the right thing he shouldnt drag you down
2006-12-22 16:22:15 · answer #1 · answered by Luis R 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but let's face it - it's going to hurt no matter what. Don't let that stop you, though - your life is yours to live for what's best for YOU, not for what's best for him. And, if you're honest and say "Dude, when you drink, I feel bad because you're not the same person I fell in love with and I care about you, but I gotta take care of me, too..." it might just be the wake-up call he needs to get his head on straight and do something with his life besides drink it away. If not, then think of it like cleaning out your closet and giving away the things that you don't use/don't fit right anymore - realize you are letting him go so that you can make room in your life to find someone who values you and treats you the way you deserve, and he can move on to the "thrift store" and find someone else to put up with his sh*t.
2006-12-22 16:25:51 · answer #2 · answered by Poopy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie there is no easy way to do that. No matter what, feelings are going to get hurt.
An idea; if you can, video tape his drunken behavior then show it to him when he's sober. After he watches himself then sit down and explain "I wanted you to see why this relationship is ending"
But like it or not you are going to have to find the courage to just do it. You know like taking a band-aid off - one quick rip and it's over and it hurts much less. Otherwise, you are going to be stuck in this revolving door of a relationship forever OR until you get fed up enough that you don't care what you say to him. That wouldn't be good for either of you. Good luck
2006-12-22 16:43:52 · answer #3 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you know, it sounds like you have gone through alot, just sit him down, and tell him that you have been in this realationship for five long years and the first years were great, but once he started drinking eery thing began to go downhill, and that you cannot handle it anymore, and that it would be best if you two were seperated because his habits are interfereing with your everyday life. and maybe once he gets his life back to the way it used to then maybe you two can maybe become a couple again.
2006-12-22 16:26:54 · answer #4 · answered by tuffchevy86 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you still want to be with him I think you need to find him some help. For example and AA group or something. Also you might try telling him you will leave if he drinks again. This might work but it might also cause more problems. If you really want to just leave him you could write him a letter about how you feel or just talk to him when he is sober. Let him know how you feel about his drinking.
2006-12-22 16:23:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I must imagine that you are feeling very confused right now....you have stayed by his side but he must understand that you can't do it forever. I think the best thing to do is to talk to him about how you feel. Tell him that him drinking is standing in the way of your relationship and that it just isn't the same. Don't worry, you are definately doing the right thing!
2006-12-22 16:23:19 · answer #6 · answered by ChunkyMonkey 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there is never a nice way to tell someone that you dont love them anymore.... im sure he feels it.. but doesnt want to face it... and he knows you will continue to put up with it, since you have for this long.... (or at least he thinks you will) you have done so much for him... that there should not be any guilt... he cant say you didnt try or that you didnt care..... i have been thru this same thing, you just need to sit down with him, when he is not drunk... and tell him.. be forward and get it over with... doesnt look like he will change, and you dont want to be asking this question 5 years from now... its your life, live it.... and be happy we never know how long we have to enjoy it.. hope this helps good luck
2006-12-22 16:24:56 · answer #7 · answered by greeneyebutterfly 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to clean up his act or that's it. You're not his mother, it's not your job to look after him. A relationship is supposed to be 50-50. Maybe the threat of you leaving will be enough to make him rethink his life. If not then there isn't really a way of doing it without hurting him.
2006-12-22 16:23:34 · answer #8 · answered by Velvet_Goth 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is no nice way to tell anyone you don't want them anymore. I understand your reason there is no way to break up without it hurting. After 5 years you both have something invested it will hurt to move on but it might be best for you and maybe even him.
2006-12-22 16:23:28 · answer #9 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not going to be easy, but u have to get the strenght to tell him....The longer u leave it the harder it will get Trust Me! Get him wen his sober and just tell him you have something really important u want 2 discuss....Make sure u do it okay, everyone deserves happiness and it doesnt sound like your very happy right now... Good luck :)
2006-12-22 16:24:19 · answer #10 · answered by Mandy :) 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋