My husband has a bank account that I cannot access and do not know the amount deposited; is this okey?

Question

He has an account that I know about but I do not use that bank and I have no access to the account. It is an online account and no paperwork comes in the mail. I do not know what email he uses to get the monthly balances. I feel marriage is sharing and not having secrets, etc. I take it personally and feel hurt that he feels he has to hide the amount of money from me. I have tried to explain my feelings to him. But he just wants his "own" money. I am a Sahm and do not have my "own" money. What do you think? Should he keep his account secret?

I wanted to add some. I left them out 1st because I wanted a general answer about sharing in marriage. What people thought in this day and time. He has been unfaithful in the past but we are trying to work through that and stay together. We have an account together where I pay the bills-his choice-and I did question his withdrawing funds, etc. I am trying to stop worrying about his faithfulness, etc. Lots of details-not enough space to explain all. He felt I had my thumb on him and that I was controlling him and his "friends" told him I was a nag, was henpecked, etc, to get his own acct. I accidently found out about the acct, he still wants to keep it his and he feels he is being accountable by my knowing he has it but he still does not want to tell me details. So is your answer still the same know that you know more details? I love him but still feel hurt by this. He swears there is no 1 else but me no and I want to believe him. I do not work-we have 4 children. Can we compromise?

Answer 1

Hell no he could be using this to support a misteress and as the wife you have full disclosure rights.

Answer 2

I think it's sad and wrong. It doesn't matter if you work out of the home or not.
It sounds to me that your husband has control issues. Nothing that anyone could say here would have an effect on his beliefs. Sounds like you need to decide how you are going to deal with his secrecy.
I am sorry for you. You are a second class citizen in your own marriage.

Answer 3

Hell NO!!!! What makes him so special that he gets to have money on the side that he doesn't share with you when you share everything with him....And how deceitful!! How do you know he wants that account for spending money on things that a married man has no business doing? I dont know him but if it was me that would be the first thing that I thought...Their is no reason what so ever for that...
You need to tell him you will not put up with that marriage is about sharing a life together..Not sharing everything except for a few things..Hell no!!Hell no!! I just can't understand that unless it is so that he can be up to no damn good!!! I would not put up with that...And when you bring it up you need to be Stern and let him know you will not put up with it..Marriage is everything 50/50 So 50 percent of that account is yours!! Period no buts about it!! And not only should he not do that out of respect for you and the relationship, but its the damn law that half of everything is yours..He needs to be fully cometted to the marriage or not at all!

Answer 4

You don't mention if you have a career. My wife and I each have separate accts. Then we also have a joint acct that all household bills and expenses are paid from. We buy each others gifts from our personal accts. We also pay for things we each like that would normally would not come from our joint money. We both feel this is the best way to share expenses, however we both work. A stay at home mom would of course have to have the working spouse contribute to a fund so she can have her own spending avvt. Anyway that's the way we feel and I hope this helps.

Answer 5

I don't think it's right. I mean when you are married there should not be any secrets between you two. Also you have to share. What is his is yours and what is yours is his. That also means that because you want things to go well for you the same you wish for him.
He does not seem to have the whole sharing part of a marriage down.

Answer 6

The “Unusual Behaviour” button is pressed: Tax Authorities, Money Laundry Peoples, Anti-terrorist Organizations, etc. Don’t worry; you’ll be in good hands … and if you pass the test, you might get an invitation from your bank for a pre-approved loan.

Answer 7

This is more than wrong of your husband to hide an account from you dear. I suggest you try to find out more about this account. And in order to do that you must think like your husband, it shouldn't be hard to do.

Think of ways that you can obtain information even if you have to call that particular bank and inquire about getting more checks for example. Have them to mail the forms etc to your home address. If you are a stay at home mom then you will be able to get this out of the mail before he comes in from work (example)

After that sweetie the floor is open you can find out whatever you want. Try to get the account number if you wish not to go this route, after having the account number as his wife (even if your name isn't on the account) you can call in and ask for example" ma'am or sir I am calling to check on the balance of our account I'm supposed to make a deposit today so I am wanting to make sure of everything before I come by"

Be creative in coming up with ways just to find out little things.. Once you've done that then continue to ask the person on the telephone other things such as the address on this account is wrong we haven't received a statement ... The bank person should return by saying well we have this ABCD 223 Circle Anytown USA on file

And also I suggest you start this process for other reasons. If something were to happen to your husband. You need to know where things are such as safe deposit boxes, accounts etc. If he want tell you then find out for yourself and keep that information to yourself.

Don't make the mistake of blabbing what you've found out because then he may just hide things even worse! If all else fails follow him .. That's a bit over the top, but you know something it upsets me so much to see women who sit back and do nothing.

Get out there and find out what you want to know there's nothing stopping you, but yourself. He's wrong for this but your right for seeking information that is just as much yours as it is his.

Wake up dear get out there and seek the information you deserve to know!
Good luck!!
ps
keep check on those pants & shirt pockets hes sure to slip one day and leave a banking receipt also check the car too!

Answer 8

since you are SAHM, you are probably filing a JOINT tax return. he has to list the interest earned on one form. you have to sign that form, so you should have an idea of how much is in that account (probably 20 times the yearly interest). if it is not much, he can still be using the money as fast as he deposits it, but he could do everything in cash anyway. there is nothing stopping you from opening your own account. fairness is fair.

Answer 9

Im SAHM as well, I have no money of my own either...so today I opened up a savings account only I CAN access, I have been getting way more bossy and I almost demoand money from him now, he makes about 10,000 a month.
I refuse sex with him if I dont get what I get want.
maybe that sounds like prostitution...BUT WAKE UP...any SAHM is a kind of prostitute, face it, learn it, and take advantage of what you got.
Cause I will tell you, being a sahm DOES NOT PAY when your child is off and out of the house YOU are the broke one at 40!
Not your husband!

Answer 10

I do not think it is right for him to have his "own" money and not share it with you.

When you are married you no longer have your own things anymore.

It sounds like he is hiding something from you and this is not a good thing.

Maybe you should seek counseling from someone you trust and respect if this is something that is troubling your marriage.

You and your husband should be in agreement about everything especially finances!

Hope this helps.

God Bless.....

Answer 11

I think it is wrong that your husband has a secret bank account. Because married people sohould not keep secrets from each other. Good luck in all you do!