i have made up my mind but I am curious to find out what others think of this.?

Question

I'm a 21 an Armenian, Christian (if you know what an Armenian is). My bf is also 21 Mexian, Catholic. We have been together since November 2005. We get along great and we are very serious and plannin on gettin married within 2-3 yrs. I need to first get my Bachelors first and get a good job. He is currently working. In February 2006 i told my parents I liked him and they both flipped out, yelled at me, my mom said, "i hate you" and spit at me b/c they were ashamed that I was w/ a mexican guy and said he is a gang member b/c he is mexican, bald and wears earrings. Ever since, then my relationship has been a secret. Me n my bf still see eachother and get along great. My parents still bring him up and call me stupid, idiot and what a low class person I am for being w/ a mexican guy. They threated to kick me out and they r serious about that. my parents r so racist. i can't talk back 2 them b/c if i do they will hit me & what i say doesnt matter b/c i am wrong.

I have made up my mind to move in w/ my bf and his family. He spoke w/ his parents today and they said it is definitely okay. his parents love me and i like them a lot. I do not have to pay rent or anything but of course I will do chores n help them out b/c that is how I am. Do u guys think im doing the right thing by moving out? I know I will be moving out soon I can’t stand it. When I do move out u think I should tell my parents im still w/ him im moving in w/ him b/c I say that I will get hit. Or should I tell them im moving out on my own?? I am extremely depressed, sad, and feel lonely living here. I feel unwanted here.

my parents always complain and yell at me for not spending enough time w/ them and that i dont talk to them. but obviously its b/c im soo depressed n i dont want to see their face b/c my mom said she hates me and my dad called me stupid n idiot. im not being childish here but cmon how can i face them when they hate me

ok ppl u dont understand. i cant sit n talk to my parents. my parents blamed n yelled at me b/c my friend just got married today w/ a black guy.my friend is persian and english. my parents really liked my friend until they found out she was w/ a black guy and they HATE HER.

Answer 1

Well, you are certainly old enough to move out on your own, so it isn't like they can have a problem with that. And I understand why you couldn't really afford to do that if you are still in college. Telling them to their faces will just start a fight, and there's no reason to subject yourself to violence. If you can, move your belongings out when they aren't there and leave them a really heartfelt note. Explain exactly where you are. That is the adult thing to do. Tell them you are heartsick that being in this relationship means you have hurt them and cannot have a good and honest relationship with them. Tell them you understand their feelings and beliefs are long-held and that while you don't agree with them or feel the same way, you do respect that they are entitled to their own position on it. Tell them you hope a day will come when they can still be in contact with you, let you visit them, etc., without getting into this subject, because you will miss them and still want them in your life. Tell them you will also pray that somehow a day will come that they will be able to see what you see in your boyfriend, because you hope to make a life with him. Remind them that in several years that would mean grandchildren, and if they have not found it in their hearts to see past their preconceived notions about him and to forgive you, then their grandchildren (and they) will be missing out on something very precious in life. Try to keep your note calm. Do not say anything that will hurt them or judge them. Remember that they will probably read it over and over again, so choose your words very carefully. If they contact you and are screaming and fighting, just quietly and calmly tell them that you have no room in your life for hatred or violence and you absolutely cannot talk to them until they are calm. Say the words, I love you, and then hang up. Do not react emotionally as they are. I hope this works for you. It sounds as if they have many prejudices to overcome and some growing up to do. I know your heart aches, but if your boyfriend is the person you believe him to be, then you are doing the best thing for you for the time being.

Answer 2

If you are BOTH truly in love and understand that you face a life of cultural backlash from your family....than no one is going to stop you from moving in with your boyfriend.

If your parents are as cold and uncaring as you describe than you shouldn't care what they think.

Are you currently in college studying for your degree? Who is paying for your tuition? If it is your parents, are you ready to accept that they will cut off financial support if you move out.

If your parents hit you and are physically abusive to you, then it is in your best interest to move on.

Is the love of this man and his family enough to throw away the family you grew up with?

If you have answered all of these questions truthfully, it does not matter what everyone on Yahoo thinks of your situation. Could your family be so upset at you because they love you and think you are just moving too fast in the wrong direction, regardless of the people or nationalities involved? Yes, parents can be racial bigots and can lash out in a mean way. Would you feel better if you could negotiate a middle ground with your parents?

I'm wondering if you aren't a little nervous about your decision, which is why you posted your question here.

Good luck!

To thine own self be true.

Answer 3

If this guy is the one you want to be with then yes move in with him and his family. Tell you parents where you are just in case there is an emergency and they need to get a hold of you. Get your things out of their house when they are gone like that you won't have to hear their mouth. Call them by phone or leave them a note and let them know where you are and this way you can avoid them calling you names or hitting you. You are 21 yrs old and they shouldn't be hitting you. You should be able to live your own life.
Just b/c your bf is mexican doesn't mean he is a gang banger or into that crowd. If you like him like that then good for you and be prepared for your parents to maybe disown you.
Good luck to you.
Give us an update on how things went with you telling them.

Answer 4

You are 21, old enough to make your own decisions, but since you are still going to school or uni. you may have a problem without there support. It is ridiculous the way the are treating you at your age, instead of having a good relationship with you they seem to be treating you like a ten year old with hitting and all that.Are you an only Child,then your parents may be afraid of loosing you and can't understand there little girl is an adult,with her own rights, feelings and desires. good luck about making your decisions. Merry x-mas

Answer 5

I was in a very simular situation...From my exsperience I have come to believe that if you are feeling unloved, abused emotionally or physically, or that they do not have your best intrests at hand then yes move on..But always remember they are your parents..You will never have any other...It would be a shame if things did not work out with your boyfriend and you already pushed them aside for him.. You dont know how they would react if you needed help from them...So what I would do is remember that you are what is most important here...And you need to think of your future not your parents or even your boyfriends.. You need to be able to take care of your self in the end with out needing anything from anyone...So I would go and finish school before I worried about spending my life with any guy..If you are being abused you need to get out of there, but I would not let them know that you are with your boyfriend.Don't burn your bridges ...You just dont know..Now if in 5 years from now you have your degree and or getting married then yes tell them you love them and always will, but you love him too and you want to spend the rest of you life with him....I know this much for sure. Please do not get married young it will come back and kick you in your ***...Think of your self first..Once that is out of the way you have the rest of your life to have fun with your man and live life to the fullest while felling secure with yourself...Please take this advice I am in such a horrible situation right now b/c I did not think about my self and my education first...It doesnt always end up like my situation of course but why not prevent it from being you...
hope i helped sorry my answer is so long

Answer 6

You are of legal age to do as you wish but to leave on bad terms with your own family is not good - for you never know what time will reveal.
Am sure there is more to it than the race issue......they are concerned for you as a whole.
To run to his folks when yours will not do things your way is pitting one against the other - not only is that childish but very hurtful to all involved.
Not to mention that you run the risk of careless behavior in this relationship also.
Listen to what everyone has to say - lay aside how your heart feels and listen to what your head says too.

Most of all, guys can come a dime a dozen but you only have one set of parents and one birth family!

Answer 7

I am sorry your parents are so pigheaded. It must be very very difficult, and will get more complicated when you have children. If I was in your situation, and have the love you do, I would let go of my parents; hard as that is. They need to learn to better people, not just parents. It's sad that you are the one who is the mature one here. I wish you the best hon. I really do. Bye.

Answer 8

My gut reaction says you are right, and I have a suggestion for you. When you tell them what you are doing, have a policeman there with you so they can't hit you. Your parents suck.
I wish you the best, dear.

Email me or IM me if you want to talk. guitarmant2000 on yahoo chat or [e-mail] for email

Jon

Answer 9

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Answer 10

i dink u sld move out. i know that they are your parents but sumtimes parents aren't always right. itz good that you understand the consquences of your deicisions rather than just moving out. no1 can really decide for you because it is your life and you hav to determine who u love more: your parents or your boyfriend.