Help!!! I cant get along with my mom and shes always yelling at me or spanking me!!?

Question

I am a girl who is 12 and i am always getting in fights with my mom now and i never used to but its like she cant stand im growing up. shes way overprotective and i hardly ever get to do anything at all and its like i can hardly talk to her anymore! I mean i love her but does she have to be so strict about EVERYTHING?? It seems like since my birthday im in trouble all the time and it sux im always being grounded or spanked or BOTH! other girls my age have a mother like that?? I mean im 12 is that fair?? How can i get her to talk to me and just understand what it like???? Ive tried talking to her when shes in a good mood and praying but hasnt helped.

I got her something nice for Christmas this year i mean really. I am hoping that helps!! Im homeschooled too and i spend alot of time with her and it hard when we not get along!

Answer 1

I don't like yelling. And I am not real keen on grounding. But I do not think you are too old to get spanked now and then.

I'll tell you what I did when I was about your age. I made a vow to myself not to get spanked for a week, a month, the summer, etc. Sometimes I made--it sometimes not. But by doing this you are forced to recognize, correct and avoid the things you are getting spanked for.

By not doing the things you get spanked for you will not only not get spanked--but will begin to get more respect from your mother. It is then that you can talk to her about getting more privileges and she will also start to treat you differently--more adult.

Let me use an example. Say she does not want you to go over to a friends house on a week nite. You say "may I go over for just an hour after my homework is done. I promise I will not be back by 4:00. I know that if I am a minute late I will get a spanking and you know how hard I have been working to keep from getting those."

The one thing you don't want to say is stuff like "all my friends do this and that--or none of my friends are spanked, etc."--that will backfire big time. She will just say "I don't care what so and so does or what so and so's parents do--you are my daughter, etc."

I don't know how often you get spanked. But start out trying not to get one for that period of time--say a week. If you make it try hard to make it for two weeks. If you slip up--go right back to it.

When you first start this and when you do finally get a spanking--afterwards tell your Mom "You know what I hated most about getting that spanking? and she will say something like "What?" "that your bottom is sore?" Tell her "no, I was trying not to get one for a week--and now I have to start all over." Believe me, this will make a big impression!

Good luck:)

Answer 2

I used to work as a psych RN for many years and I'm now 63 years old. Why do you think that at 12 y/o that you shouldn't have to do what your mother tells you to do?

You have practically NO life experience and your brain is just starting to get the ability to reason in the abstract! Your brain won't fully have that ability until you are 18 or 19 y/o!

It is your parents job to teach you and to protect you. The only way that your mother can do that is to set limits on what you do and what you can't.

The ideal, is that as you can demonstrate to your mother that you can be disciplined, make mature decisions, and act in a responsible way; that she allows you to gradually make more and more of your own decisions.

I don't know if your mother is making fair decisions about your limits or not because I don't know either of you. I strongly suspect that your mother is disciplining you because you are not doing what she tells you to do. Stop that and she'll stop punishing you!

You are going about things the wrong way. I'm not taking all this time to write this out to be critical of you but because I care about you!
Right now you have the attitude of a spoiled brat!

The way to deal with your mother is to start obeying her. Then after she sees you doing that, she can calm down about you and the 2 of you can talk about her expectations of your behavior. Then you can talk about how to demonstrate to to your mother that you can be trusted to make more and more of your own decisions at the appropriate time.

You can choose to ignore my years of education and years of life experience and do what your 12 y/o girl friends advise but I think that you're smarter than that!

It sounds like your mom and dad are divorced or that something happened to your dad. I'm so sorry about that. My mother and father got divorced when I was 2 and 1/2 years old and she didn't remarry until I was 19 y/o. It's no fun growing up without a dad at home.

Your mother is having to do the work of 2 people if she is a single parent. She loves you and wants you to have a happy life as an adult or she wouldn't home school you. What they teach in the public schools these days is without morals and a lot of it is lies.

I'm glad that you are praying. God loves you so much and will help you all of your life. When I was younger than you I read the scripture that, "God is father to the fatherless". I've taken Him up about that and I'm glad I did.

By the way, a 12 y/o girl is too old to be spanked by her father but not by her mother. I know that that is not the current fashion but let me tell you a story that I'll never forget.

I was waking to school one day when I was about 10 y/o and I came along side a boy my age who was also waking to school. He was crying and I asked him why. He told me that he was, "so grateful to have a father who loved him enough to spank him when he did something wrong".

My own eyes got moist when I heard that because I didn't have a father at all. Thank God that your mother loves you.

God bless you now and all of your life!

Answer 3

Still spanking you at 12? Wow..that's rare. I am 21...and problems with my mom began at about your age...when my mom and step dad divorced...he was the only dad I ever had...He died in June 2003 though from heart problems (prolly caused by my mother)...My mom and I do not get along at all...We barely even speak...and I try to avoid her at all costs..I don't let her see my 5 yr old son very often...and I am due to have a baby girl any day now....and I will probably only let her see the new baby after she is born...and then during holidays and that's all...and that's if my fiance approves...well things will probably get better....At least I hope they do...for you...

Answer 4

OK this is soooooooooo weird u sound like my twin. i help mum around the house I'm home all day so y not. she yells at me a lot so most of the time i just ignore her and do as I'm told but some times i just start really big fight they don't believe in grounding but slapping me yes.

Answer 5

I homeschool too and I know how you feel. beleve me my parents were the same way and I still don feel like i can talk to them with out getting in trouble. I know I am a guy and most of my problems are with my father... but I think it is just something that goes with himeschooling. because your parents know everything about you they feel like they can contol you. it is ne of the reasons I am trying to move out as soon as posable. maby you could talk to some one in your church who could talk to your mom. or you might could gotoa christian camp this summer and talk to someone there. i recomend "the WILDS" that is the best camp I ever went to, and I know most of the full-time staff. matt herbster and rand hummel are 2 of the best teen councilers in the world. you can email me if you want, I am tying to be a counciler in training next year at the camp so I might could help some. I know what you are going through, beleve me.

Answer 6

spanked? at 12?
hmmm, my mother stopped spanking me since i was like 8.
Anyway, i think you should have a heart to heart (♥ to ♥) talk with her to explain to her how you feel. Remember, two parties feeling angry will only make thigns much worse
Or get a friend to your house and talk with your mum, or some other mum to talk to her
Good luck, my dear
much love ♥

Answer 7

My wager is in basic terms to no longer stress it out. take a seat along with your mom and communicate it out together with her. tell her what your sister's doing to you and enable her understand your fringe of the story. enable your mom understand that its no longer your fault lots of the time. in basic terms tell your mom whats taking place and enable her understand that your sister messes with you and in case you go with for tell her that it makes cry additionally. that's the main suitable suggestion i ought to furnish you. wish it works out good =) in basic terms take a seat along with your mom and communicate it out together with her.

Answer 8

dont' worry me and my mom r the same i tihnk you bth sohuld sit down and try to comiicute with fighting it takes a long time but she has to trust u

Answer 9

just tell her ur feeling in a nice calm voice and talk to her.
:D

Answer 10

yeah i know. my mom is the same and i hate it. i just cant wait to move out. it will get better when u will get older.