do you hate your in-laws?

Question

i like some of them. but his fathers side of the family, plain and simple...i can't stand these people! i just had a baby. so i think it makes my situation pretty crappy. i can't just avoid them, i have to let them see him. i hate these people with a passion! i dont know why, well, i do to an extent, but ya know....that HATE that you could just slap everyone with! lol. i know when i married my husband, i married his family too. but it seems like they just get worse and worse everyday. i dont remember them being like this when we met. but with x-mas here, i am so depressed. i normally LOVE xmas. but this year, i feel so sick! i dont ever want to see them again, and i dont want my son to know who they are. pretty bad huh? and it makes me even sicker to know i'll have to deal with this for the rest of my life! do you feel like this with your inlaws? what have you done to resolve it? anything?!? (please dont be rude with your answers, i'm very serious, stressed, and desparate)

Answer 1

Oh man, talk about the same boat. I broke my wrist when I was 8 months pregnant (back in April) so I stopped talking to my MIL online. She got this notion in her head that I was ticked off at her, blessed me out to my husband, and even wrote me a hateful snail-mail letter. So to mend bridges and stuff (cuz my hubby is too much of a wuss to do it himself) I suggested visiting their house for Christmas which is 900+ miles away from us.

So I've been here since Wednesday and in the last 3 days, I have heard (not directly, but through over hearing and innuendos) I'm lazy, I'm not raising my children right, I worry too much about them (my daughter is sick, I wanted to go to a doctor, she and my hubby said I was worrying too much and come to find out my daughter has an ear infection). The two things my MIL does that I can't stand is 1) she always accentuates words, like, "I use to tell me son I AM your MOTHER and you WILL do as I say." I guess you would have to hear her to understand why it bugs me. 2) She doesn't come to me. She complains that I'm not helping around the house to my hubby who, in turn, talks to me. I am never suggesting we come back out here!

As far as resolutions.....is moving an option? I'm not sure what kind of man you husband is, but have you talked to him about how you feel? Venting to my hubby helps as he understands where I'm coming from. If the in laws are the kind of people who can take criticism, you may be able to talk to them in a subtle way. Maybe you could ask you parents if the situation were visa versa, how could your hubby express his feelings without them getting offended.

Answer 2

It is so hard, I know. My partner's family were absolutely unbearable in the beginning. His own mother was horrible to be around at times. Christmas was always an absolute nightmare because, of course, they were in fact the only family that existed so, of course, you were expected be there, to arrive by a certain pre-arranged time and remain there for the rest of the day. Late-comers - gasp! - were looked down upon and for those who were AWOL? A certain harsh, group tongue-lashing behind your back would ensue. We were the first couple to choose not to go to their Christmas celebrations one year. A few other couples followed suit until now, the family is actually split in two and there's little interaction between the sides. I entered this family when I was only 15 and was so intimidated by their ways that I just hated being around them. So after only a short time of being with my partner (who I am still with 14 years later), I basically put my foot down and refused to go to everything. I just went to the things I wanted to go to. It might have just been petty, teenage rebellion but I still believe that life is too short to waste it being somewhere you don't want to be; when you would rather be anywhere else in the world. Especially now that you are parents - you make the decisions regarding your children no matter what anyone else thinks about it. You absolutely have to take a strong stance.

Answer 3

You are not alone! I despise my in-laws so much that I haven't spoken to my husband's sister, aunts, uncles or cousins in several years. They have made my life so unhappy that I became physically ill and had to get on medication. I'm not joking. They have called me names like B***h, Thief, Liar and Snob, just to name a few. I travel several thousand miles a year for my job, and they told my husband that if we don't get a divorce, then perhaps I'll die in a car accident. They are disgusting, vile, evil people.

They came to my home and made a key to our locks so they could get in whenever they wanted. We changed the locks of course. They told my husband that he's a loser for marrying me. I could go on and on.

My husband sees his family now only once or twice a year because he can't stand them or their behavior either. It's really, really sad. Believe it or not, my husband is happier to be rid of them than I am. I take it a lot harder than he does, especially around the holidays, because they only have to be civil to me for a few hours a year, and that is just too much for them to handle.

So I feel for you. If it makes you feel better, I will also tell you one of my darkest secrets: When I am really, really hurt and fed up, I pray to God that they die soon. Painlessly, but soon.

I am so glad we don't have kids, because if we did, my life would be a million times more complicated. So, until they pass away, I do go visit my husband's parents when he does, but that's only about three times a year. Sometimes that's even too much for me and I have to leave early. They make me so upset and so sick that I can't even eat around them.

So you are not alone. The best you can do is make sure that in your house you have a kind, loving family, and your son will grow up just fine. Try to have a Merry Christmas by concentrating on the good things you have. That's how I get through.

Answer 4

My heart goes out to you. Congrats on the kidlet but remember, a HUGE change is taking place in your life and you probably want to concentrate to the baby now. If for no other reason than that he is not obnoxious...

I found after I had my baby (I was 8 and 3/4 months pregnant at Xmas) that I had to limit everything in my world - especially if it upset me. I grew from a perky, agreeable girl to a woman who could say "no". If I could not think of a good excuse, I had my old standby, "I'm just too tired right now".

I had a difficult time adjusting to my in-laws, and they to me. But over time as I tried to find their good qualities, I grew into the family. It's been 16 years now and I love them with all my heart. But right now, the baby is most important. Pay more attention to him/her and let your husband deal with his family.

Answer 5

I used to really like my mother in law but with each passing year she has gotten more annoying and hard to be around. She's 60 years old and uses her age as an excuse not to do anything ever. I can't stand to be around her anymore especially during the holidays because she makes everything so miserable with her whining and guilt trips. I put up with a lot of it cause she's in poor health and won't be around forever. But, you know there's only so much a person can take. One time she was giving me hell for not helping her out with her house work and I said so when I'm done here what time will you be over to my house to help me with mine?

Answer 6

I don't like mine either. I didn't from the beginning. It got so much worse after I had my first child. Mothers are fierce protectors by nature, and I didnt want my kid to have anything to do with them. But... like you said, you can't avoid them. So, I visit - occasionally - special occasions and things like that, but I will NEVER ask them to babysit or let my child stay overnight there. The only time they see my kids is when I am around. You just have to grin and bear it sometimes just to keep the peace.

Answer 7

you need therapy...you need a family counsellor and psychologists to deal with your situation...perhaps the counsellor will help you open up with your in laws and express your feelings of them,. i dont think you hate them personally but maybe their behaviour and attitude ticks you off...I mean sometimes they act the way they think and feel is right..but they dont know or realize they were intruding your personal space with their unbearable attitude....

I think if they let their child marry you and celebrate your baby's birth..they have no grudge against you..you need to deal with this yourself by seeking family counselling and psychological help..

if you leave this inside..it will only affect you and make things worst for you....not your inlaws...you need to learn how to let go..of the anger and displeasure with whatever it is that is bothering you..you should also speak with your husband openly about your feelings of his parents and what is bothering you..if your husband loves you....he will respect your feelings, and try to copy with it by speaking to his parents ..but I would suggest he should also speak to a family counsellor before he speaks with his parents,,so that he will not be misunderstood and create more problems than solving it.

Answer 8

No, I'd like to get to know them. They're dead.