My friends mom told my mom that her daughter is adopted. What do I do?

Question

She hates her mom so it might be refreshing to hear that, but it is'nt really my place to tell her. She has a right to know, she is in college now and I know her mom will never tell her. I'm serious about this, please help me!♥

This is my best friend, has been all my life. She is like my sister and it kills me to keep this from her♥

Answer 1

When I found out I was adopted, someone else told me as well. I really don't know if you should tell her. I mean she does have a right to know, but like you said, it really isn't your place.

Answer 2

She does have a right to know, but you don't have the right to tell her. I understand she is your best friend and all, but this is NOT something she should hear from you.

You say she hates her mom, which I think everyone sort of goes through at one point or another, but if you tell her she is adopted, then she will probably hate her mother even more.

Her parents obviously had their reasons for not telling her, and I think it should be their decision on whether or not she finds out. Think of how horrid she would feel to know that her parents have kept this secret from her all these years. Do you really want to be the one to cause so much pain for your friend?

Answer 3

First, question why her adoptee mom doesn't want her to know.

Is it out of hate and spite?
Is it out of love?
Is it out of fear?

She may have done it for a good reason. And you know what? Maybe it is the right thing to tel your friend the truth, but don't. It isn't your place. What if she was joking? What if your friend can't handle the news and just gets really pissed?

But when you get yourself involved, you're just setting yourself up for trouble and turmoil. I think you should talk to your friend.
Why does she hate her mother?
Does she ever "question" whether her parents ARE her parents?
Etc., etc. Maybe she's got a clue and you can imply and suggest she go talk to her mother about it, but without telling her.

You telling her instead of her mother will probably only have her hating her mother even more than ever, as you knew about it before her. How would knowing your mom told friends about the adoption before you make you feel? Think of it that way.

Answer 4

If you don't know what you are doing, don't do anything. Think this through. If you tell her, you may threaten your mom's friendship. If you don't tell her, nothing will happen. If you were her, would you want to know? What's to benefit her now if you tell her? Will it help her relationship with her mother?

Maybe get your mother to ask her mother if she intends on telling her and when.

Not knowing who your real parents are can be a nagging question that will never be resolved. Do you want to burden your friend with this? At the same time, can you live with not telling your friend this? If you can or can't, is it for your benefit or hers?

Maybe consult an adoption group in your area for their advice.

Answer 5

It sounds like you allready made up your mind you just haven't acted on it yet. So, you have to do what is right. Maybe she should know. She should have been told from the beginning. I never think lying makes a life better. Maybe if it were rape, then the mom should not have told anyone. I would tell my mom if I were you, first. She may loose her friend over this. So, it isn't easy but you have to do what is right. Good luck to all of you.

Answer 6

U have to make sure what your friends mom said is true.You should know the relative of your friend and her mom. Is it good or bad. If it is good, wait for a good chance, give your friend some examples like this situation but they still love each other. Tell her that there are no changes in that relative later on.

Answer 7

you probably did the the suitable option element, reporting this to CPS. save reporting new abuse because it happens, and save a record of each and every record. inspire your daughter to tell her college counselor what's happening. You, through fact the biomom, would possibly no longer have fairly some credibility with CPS. it quite is too undemanding for them to place in writing you off as a bitter birthmom (no longer which you're, yet it quite is how they might see it). in spite of the shown fact that, the faculty counselor is a expert. Her comments would be greater sturdy for CPS to forget approximately approximately. she is additionally in a greater suitable place than you to refer your daughter for help for the self-reducing. If the adoptive mom has threatened you on your face, you ought to make a police record. yet once you're in basic terms listening to approximately those threats 2nd-hand by way of your daughter, then it quite is quite useful to take them with a grain of salt. you may, in spite of the shown fact that, urge your daughter to call 911 if her adoptive mom is hitting her hard sufficient to pass away info. Beating a infant is a criminal offense. It makes no distinction despite if the criminal is the mum or some stranger in a depressing alley. i've got faith sorry on your daughter, yet because your potential is limited, attempt to paintings together with her college counselor to the quantity which you would be able to.

Answer 8

She does have the right to know, and tell her when you 2 are together

Answer 9

I would tell her

not because of any reason besides if the mother told you then she must be wantting you to tell her because she can't, all she needs is for you to get the ball rolling. as long as she did not ask you to tell

Answer 10

It is not your place to reveal such life altering information. It is horrible that her mom told your mom before she told her own daughter!