has my boyfriend cheated on me?

Question

my boyfriend of nearly three years had a girls number in his phone and her scarf. it was his friend from years ago. when i questioned him about it, he made up this big story to cover up then a few months later i found out he was lying. he said that he has never cheated on me, that he couldnt do it to me. when i asked him about it he said he cant remember how he got her number, it was so long ago (which it was)he said he lied because he was scared of my reaction, because i am quite strict with him. the reason why i cant believe him is because he has never been clear on his answers and always says i dont know to every question i ask. he also doesnt know how to express any problems, he keeps everything to himself and hates to talk about anything. he has lied to me about quite a few things and i just feel like i cant trust him any more. i never drop it and it is always causing arguments because i cant let it go. do you think he has cheated or am i being paranoid because i cant trust him?

Answer 1

You just gave a huge laundry list of why you can't trust the guy and all the things he does wrong. And you're with him because..?

Answer 2

I feel for you. I had been dating my boyfriend for 3 years when he cheated on me. I confronted him, and he lied over and over. I finally found out, because I went to the girl that he cheated on me with. It was hard. I was distraught and very angry at him. I chose to remain with him and now we have been together for 7 years. Here's the problem...He was not honest with you in the first place. The fact that he said he was afraid of your reaction, tells me that he has something to feel guilty about. It took me 2 years or more to even slightly forgive my boyfriend. In that whole time every time I asked a question about him cheating, he would answer "I dont know". If I could give you any advice it is this..If he plans on making this relationship work with you, then he needs to answer your questions honestly. Whatever you may have to ask him, he just needs to bite down and answer it. Obviously you have these questions. I can tell you, that I do not love my boyfriend anymore. It is because he cheated on me. I do not trust him. I never will again, and for that reason, my relationship will not work. Trust your instincts, they are almost always right.

Answer 3

You're probably not going to like this: If you have so little trust then, unfortunately, it's probably because of what you've done.

I'm not saying you've cheated on him (only you know the answer to that) but you have done things to him that you regret and that he doesn't know about. These do not have to be big things (like cheating), they can be small things -- like criticising and attacking him -- but there will be something earlier than these.

The good news is that you wouldn't be feeling bad if (a) you didn't care about him (b) you didn't feel responsible.

Considering how you behave you're lucky he's stayed so long, and that suggests he hasn't cheated on you. If he had he'd use your behaviour as a justification for him to leave.

Is there a solution? Yes. You have to sit down and remember what it is you've done. You'll probably find that hard at first but it'll get easier.

Then you need to sit him down and say "Look, I've been behaving really badly, and it's because I've done some stuff I hoped you'd never find out about ..." and then tell him.

Then you can ask him if he's done anything he's been hiding from you. Do not react! Whatever he says. Just accept it.

Then sit down like two mature adults and decide what to do about it. Maybe you'll decide to split up. Most likely it'll be forgiveness all round.

You need to trust him and 'fess up.

Answer 4

you say that your quite strict with him...cut the lad some slack and let him be, if you have insecurities then you should deal with them....you would know for certain if he was cheating, so a number and a scarf is not proof enough...if this was a long time ago...drop it because your not gonna get the answers your looking for...you just adding to the stress....be happy with him and stop nagging him....trust the lad, then maybe he'll open up more...yes i do think your paranoid...he may be innocent...see him for who he is and not what you THINK he is....if you continue to question him all the time, theres a good chance that you'll drive the poor lad away, give him some air....if you cannot trust him then the least you can do is let him go

Answer 5

It really depends on you and this guy... None of us in here can answer you this question .. My advice: Tell him everything you just blurted out in here and all your emotions your holding back from him..No, there can't be a relationship without trust, but you build trust from communication.. There also may be emotions that he's hiding from you which causes him to lie. Perhaps because you are strict (not that that's so bad), but it may make him feel pressured or on a leash all the time

Hope you two can work this problem out.

Answer 6

If you feel you can trust him, then dont! He lies to you, which probably means there is something cooking or else he would not need to lie... Clearly, he doesnt want to lose you, but also wants to test the waters outside your relationship. You need to make it clear to him that, he cant get the best of both worlds. Either he is true and faithful to you or he becomes a free agent and he can fool around as much as he wants without having to explain or lie to you again. You need to respect yourself and set the record straight, otherwise this will be a game for all time sake and you will find yourself too deeply involved and the pain will be even greater...So look out for number one, girlfriend!!!

Answer 7

Some times you just have to trust your love for each other and the old saying is that the one accusing the person of cheating is because that person has guilt inside them that they are the one cheating and dont know how to tell the person.
If serious about not yourself cheating then have trust in your guy. Unless he is giving you gut instincts that he is cheating. One way to tell that he is cheating is that he is cheating is because he is accusing you of cheating. Unless you see things with your own eyes people can be jealous of what you have.

Answer 8

Well its hard to say if he has actually cheated on you or not, either way the fact that he is lying about it and withholding information about it to you is wrong of him regardless of the reasons for it, you need to talk to him about the lying thing and if it doesn't get better then i would recommend leaving him to find someone else, in a serious relationship two of the most important things you HAVE to have it TRUST and COMMUNICATION, without one or both of those its only a matter of time until everything falls apart.....

Answer 9

Obviously the trust factor isn't there, and unfortunately whether he is telling the truth you'll always be doubting his answers. If you have no proof that he has never cheated on you then you have to trust him. If you can't do that then you're going to have to get out of the relationship for your own sanity.

Answer 10

If you cant seem to get over this then the both of you are bound for alot of unhappiness if you stay together. Trust your gut feelings on this and move on if you have to. The damage has been done already. He lied about several things and you lost all trust.

Answer 11

ok the problem is you. guys don't dwell on things like women. he is a man not your child. give him some breathing room. after reading what you wrote, i wouldn't be able to put up with you and i am female. quit asking so many questions and start looking around. you can get more answers by looking than you can by asking. chill out.guys don't talk about there problems. learn the difference between men and women.