I got dumped a week ago...out of my lover/friend's house and in my sister in laws...what can I do to make myself get over him? I can't even type his name because it makes me upset to be broken up on the holidays. I want to move on but I am not over it yet. I called him and he tells me not to call and hangs up. He is acting like he is straight. I saw him with another girl..could be friends but they were holding hands. Is he bi? Can a gay guy just wake up straight? He is like a stranger to me now and I still love him.
2006-12-22 13:51:17 · 21 answers · asked by Skylar 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
keep in mind i was with him for 3 years.
2006-12-22 14:05:10 · update #1
jbearboob, no i can't just be straight. if there is a god he doesn't want me to be miserable and i am not religious...but i am spiritual...can you just be gay then?
2006-12-22 14:07:37 · update #2
Oh dear....you're mourning your relationship, my love and you have my deepest sympathy. You just can't *get over it*. There's not way in such a short time and it's unthinkable and very shallow of people to expect it of you. It's going to take awhile for you to get used to your new 'single' status, sort of like a widow getting used to being alone. In a sense that's what's happened to you, especially with no warning.
No, a gay man cannot wake up straight but he can be bi. And if he was and had an affair on the side he ought to be damnedably ashamed of himself for doing that to his partner.
Of course you're not over it yet but only you can know when to make the first step. You already know you can't just sit. You have my deepest condolences, my Dear One. Blessings.
2006-12-22 14:49:41 · answer #1 · answered by Mama Otter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, those are some heartless friends you've got!
You're going to need time to get through this. Anyone who cannot understand that is an idiot. Feelings don't get turned off and on like a lamp. Spend time only with those who are supportive. Those who simply dismiss your pain with a "get over it" should be told to fawk off.
There is no good time to get dumped, but having it happen during the holiday "season" just plain bites. I am very sorry that it has happened to you now or at any time.
I doubt your ex is bi. If he is involved with women in ways that are more than friendship, he's likely got internalized homophobia and may be bowing to outside pressures to be straight and lead a so-called normal life. His issues...his nightmare. I pity any girl who falls for him though. He'll eventually return to men.
Regardless, you should not call him and avoid him if at all possible. Each contact you have with him will draw fresh blood and your pain will be renewed and strengthened.
Take each day as they come and when you're capable of moving on, you'll do it.
2006-12-22 22:30:49 · answer #2 · answered by castle h 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear:you are in such a horrible place right now.
Being dumped and kicked out.
And even denied at the phone?
This sucks big time.
Your friends tell you to get over this?
Like you can erase three years of being together?
I feel for you and I am even upset about your situation.
You still love him,that is obvious.
He just erased you like you were a piece of machinery he did not like anymore and threw out.
Evidently you are meaningless to him.
He just carriers on with his life.
Why would you care if he walks down the street holding a girls hand?
It can be that they are just friends.
Maybe he is bi-sexual and wants to have sex with a girl.
How was your sex life with him anyway lately?
Were there no signs at all?
You can;t tell me that there weren't any.
Think it over.
Remember the last couple of weeks or months being together.
There must have been changes in his attitude towards you.
But,whatever:you are still hurting,That's not cool.
If you need to talk:my messenger is wide open.
And I am not hitting on you:i am in a very happy position.
but BEEN THERE ,DONE IT:SUDDEN BREAK UPS.
I know all about it.
you feel dead inside.
I wish you all the best:Rob.xxx
2006-12-22 22:46:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether straight or other, hurt is hard to get over. Don't call him, it only opens yourself to more hurt. Anyone can act the way they want. People now and in long years past can be very deceitful. Things like this do not change. It is not a new thing to do to another. It is a shame, yes. Harden your heart a bit, determine within yourself that this is not the end for you, and you will get better every day.
2006-12-22 22:05:42 · answer #4 · answered by desertflower 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's best to let yourself be sad for a while.
But, meanwhile, try to keep busy with things that will distract your mind from thinking about him.
As for the bi question. Yea. He's probably bi. Was all along.
2006-12-22 21:57:26 · answer #5 · answered by kickbutt 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel so bad for you. Poor guy. It will get easier. Your just obsesing right now because it hurts. You will find someone else and If your old BF is str8 then I h* to say it but i think he's been lying to himself the whole time. He need to get himself together and you just need to feel supported so here's a cyber hug XoXo. Take care hon.
2006-12-22 21:56:17 · answer #6 · answered by evilive 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dear one its time to get involved with something else. people are hurting all over the world and maybe you could get involved with a group that travels to different places helping the needy.i would move on and never place all my trust in just one person.there is alot of things you can do to help others and get your mind off the pain that seems to loom in your heart and mind.contact the churches and get involved with cooking for the soup kitchens. i bet you can really cook. have you ever thought of starting a business or something to liven up your life.get involved with other interests and plan things that are beneficial to you and others and forget that other person who has broken your heart.have you ever thought of going straight?its just a thought and maybe you could give it alot of thought.good luck and god bless you.
2006-12-22 22:05:05 · answer #7 · answered by jbearbooboo 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He may be upset at something that happened to him regarding his gay lifestyle. He may be trying to deny his sexuality by trying to be with a girl. To get over him you'll have to find someone else who is not ashamed of himself.
2006-12-23 00:16:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you will naturally go through the 5 stages of greif:
Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
2006-12-22 22:14:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the words of Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try." You can't try to move on. You just have to give yourself positive reinforcement and tell yourself that you deserve to be loved in return. It sucks, but you can find someone better for you. Hang in there, hon. :)
2006-12-22 21:53:29 · answer #10 · answered by Gwen C 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋