Is it fair to do this on Christmas?

Question

My parents are recently divorced (3 years) and the divorce papers say that my brother needs to be at my mother's house by 10pm on Christmas Eve and my mom gets him from then on until the end of Christmas. My father's side of the family has a get together on Christmas Eve that starts at 6pm but my mother's get together on Christmas Day starts at noon and ends after 7pm. Is this really a fair deal? Shouldn't my brother just have to be at my mom's house by midnight on Christmas Eve?

Answer 1

The divorce papers "say" exactly what your parents have agreed to.
No, it is not fair.

Answer 2

It sounds like your parents need to have better communication and work out what's best for your brother rather than what's best for them. I am surprised that the courts allowed for your brother to go to your mom's at such a late hour of 10pm, usually it's 6pm and it would be unheard of for them to agree to midnight. They look at what's in the best interest of the child. Children should be in bed long before midnight. This sounds like something your mom & dad must have agreed to prior to the court's approval. If so, it's up to dad to try to renegotiate now. The real truth is there is no "fair deal" in divorce. It's hard regardless of how the time and days are split up. Just try to make the time together quality time and not focus on the quantity.

God bless you! Merry Christmas!

Answer 3

Your mother and father should both be flexible and try to do what's best for the kids. Divorce papers do not have to be followed to the letter. Things will be more difficult like that. Life doesn't work that way. I'm sure your brother would like to spend time with both parents on Christmas day and there's nothing wrong with that.

Answer 4

That's an unusual time for exchanges, so it seems to me that this is something your folks agreed to. It may not be fair in your eyes, but that is what they agreed on.

If your dad's family gets together at 6, they should be finished by 9:30 so your brother can get to your mom's. If he's upset about it, why doesn't just ask your mom if it's ok if he comes over a bit later--this way it lets her know it HIS suggestion and not your dad's or any one else's.

This isn't the first year this has come up if they have been divorced for 3 years, so why is it a problem this year? It's not your problem, so try not to worry about it. If your bother is upset about the time, HE needs to be one to talk to your mom.

Good luck!

Answer 5

It does sound unfair and short changing you and your bothers time together. How come you aren't going to your mothers house? Your parents have to work with the courts to make the agreements on what is going to happen. depending on how old you and your brother are and how well your parents get along maybe you can talk to both of your parents, tell them how you are feeling and see if there is something you all can workout for everyone. The saddest news is sometimes the kids are the ones without a say and really should be heard. good luck to both you and your brother.

Answer 6

What does the divorce decree state? Your father gets to have him and bring him back by 10PM - what time does he begin to have him? What time (per the divorce decree) does it state that your mom should have him - from what time to what time?

For example, if your mother has him from 8AM until 3PM and your father has him from 3PM to 10PM, then your father gets to have him according to the divorce decree. That is only the legal fairness of it all.

Figure this out first. Then, if your father gets to have him earlier, let him know this if he doesn't already. Around the holidays, this happens very often with divorcees. I hope you fight for what you think is right as long as you can back up your debate on the issue.

Answer 7

Your Parents should actually be more grown up and be able to work out their differeneces without involing the two of you..... NO its not fair if your mother and father really cared about what you two wanted then they would work out a way to have both of you at an even amount of time without taking christmas away from him or you and it seems to me that your parents talk to you about alot of their problems..... thats not fair either..... I had a bad divorce with my parents and they did the same, i was the go between and they fought over every thing.... your parents are making the two of you, suffer because they cant get along .... the best way to go about it is to take them both aside seprately and speak to them about it very calmly.... letting them know that your brother should be able to enjoy christmas with his DAD and then when done there be able to go to moms and enjoy the other half.... without dead lines.....

Answer 8

I think that the family should (mom&dad) should be able to get along well enough to make do what is in the best interest of the chidlren. The court order is just incase someone can not or will not follow the rules. However, if both agree they can do it differently. God bless****

Answer 9

those divorce papers are really guidelines. mature people who have common sense should be able to work things out well before the holidays and stick to those plans. my husbands divorce papers have stated dates and times but his x-wife does what she wants no matter how it effects anyone else.....she never follows the decree----and taking her back to court only costs us lots of money so we just don't bother with it anymore....i think midnight for your brother sounds like a good plan for everyone....just do it.

Answer 10

If your parents signed the divorce papers then they both agreed to what the divorce papers said. If one of them didn't agree with it then they shouldn't have signed them. Now after three years it's too late to say "I want to change this". The divorce is final.