I know our love is unreal
I know it can't come true
But in the begining we made a deal
You said you'd always be my boo
You're always there for me
You're my shoulder to lean on
But now you're calling me crazy
And everything's all gone
Listen to my voice
Dont' you hear my crying?
You used to say i got the poise
But now I'm stuck praying
For a better day will come
Save me, it's not a sin
I just want to be whole some
For you to be within
You listen to your peers
It wasn't meant to last anyway
Now i'm stuck with all the tears
I still have to see you every single day
I want us to be us again
I want it to be like old times
Our experiences is something to be gain
I want you to be mine
It's over before it even started
You got my hopes all high
You must think I'm retarded
You said we'd be together till we die
What bout all the promises you made?
Remeber wat you used to say?
All the memories left to fade
I guess it doesnt' matter today
You said you wasn't good enough
You said you dont' deserve me
You said all the other stuff
i reminice over the woudl bes
All the lies you've told
Going through my mind
how come you're always so cold?
True love are hard to find
Thanks for the good times
Now i'm moving on
I'll never forget your crimes
Why am i so drawn?
Is it the way you laugh at nothing?
Or is it the way you make me laugh when i dont' want to smile?
But you always expected me to treat u like a king
Somehow you made all those moments worthwhile
I want to take a last look
I don't want to say goodbye
You got me so hook
This's something i can't deny
2006-12-22 13:09:38 · 11 answers · asked by vivgirl 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
wow...i cud feel u threw that
my eyes got wattery
thats my opinion
u deserve much credit on that
good luck w/ wat u write..ur great
2006-12-22 13:38:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little long and a little childish, but keep working on it. Love is a splendor, and some of the words you have grouped together are expressing love, but the others are too coy. But writing your feelings is grand so keep trying. I think the problem is the rhyme. Everyone thinks it has to rhyme, but it doesn't, all it has to do is have meaning and rhythm. Your meaning is okay but elaborate more on the words that go a little deeper.
2006-12-22 13:15:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.
Reading that poem was more painful than watching old people make love.
Find a new hobby, a poet you ain't. Maybe making ships in bottles?
2006-12-22 14:02:37 · answer #3 · answered by Kate the Saint 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty good stuff! You should post that on a poetry site, or enter it in a contest. Really Nice!
Krazy Libra
2006-12-22 13:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by krazy_libra_from_ac 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ah hah
CRAP wacked dont come back
its sad your bad more than just a tad
your weak you freak
take that to the bank`cuz your ship just sank
its junk you punk
2006-12-22 13:16:04 · answer #5 · answered by a_l_m_o_s_t_famous 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey...thats great a poem! you should go on poetry.com and see if you can get it published because its a really great poem! i like it A LOT!
great job!
2006-12-22 13:17:41 · answer #6 · answered by Katie ♥'s Rob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a hook; then you would have a good song.
2006-12-22 13:17:18 · answer #7 · answered by jmiller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I know is that if that poem was addressed to me, I won't be able to resist you. :-)
2006-12-22 13:33:34 · answer #8 · answered by ragdefender 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it helped you it is good
2006-12-22 13:12:01 · answer #9 · answered by da_hammerhead 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not too shabby!
2006-12-22 13:11:23 · answer #10 · answered by Young Police Boy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋