My husband and I have been at odds for a long time. He has been abusive to my children and I. I have stayed in the marriage for too long for many of the wrong reasons. I have been going to a counselor and to my lawyer but he still seems oblivious.
2006-12-22 12:48:19 · 17 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yeah, its NEVER as easy to leave as people think. sometimes its downright complex.
same situation for me... i left and i turned out (after going back to college... to be an child advocate).
nope, most dont see it coming...and are very surprised because they seem to think everything is fine (or what it should be) and what could possibly be wrong with him (he thinks hes great).
some men are just psycho, and its usually the abusing control freaks.
1) stage 1-The BooHoo Stage; will buy you flowers, candy, cards and gifts (even if he NEVER did before, girl you will get 'em now). he will then be willing to go to counseling.
2)stage 2-The Miffed Stage... at some point he realizes you are dead serious. he goes around bath mouthing you to everyone (including the kids).
--this is the point where he will accuse you of being a bad or neglectful mommy and want full and sole custody (usually because he doesnt want to pay child support). he may ask for half of the kids, all of them 3.5 days a week or all of them entirely.
--he will try and prove you unfit by calling the police or social services on you (in hopes of finding something wrong or just to harrass you). i had them at my house constantly :) and NO, they never found anything wrong.
--he will hire an attorney who will go to court saying he 'cant afford' child support (but i guess the attorney was free?).
--he will also (at some point) expect you to hand over the bill money (the child support) to the kids. its ok, just explain to him its "Child Support, NOT "Child Trust Fund".
your attorney knows what to expect, they see it all the time. if he's a control freak, you will end up with a restraining order (he doesnt know what 'no' means, lacks self control).
you will need the services of you local womens abuse center, counseling for the children (county) and more.
stand your ground, watch your back and stay strong. your kids will need you to be. you will find you are soooo much stronger then you ever thought you could be... :)
here are some links to help. email if you need more or some thing you cant find.
2006-12-22 13:28:15 · answer #1 · answered by Yvette B yvetteb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the way this is written you are affraid of the way he is going to react.. I suggest if your that scared, you should make sure either he is served away from the house and a protective order is filed at the same time. Or you make sure you are not around and be with friends or family.
I would suggest you start letting him know. IF he has been abusive to you and is not aware you have been to an attorney and seeing a counselor, I would start dropping hints to lighten the blow when he gets the news. If your seeing a counselor, I would and could not imagine them not advising you of this. BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT. So if the counselor is telling you to keep it a secret find anothe counselor. As it would be easier if he knows your intentions than to spring it on him at his job or while he is out in the yard chatting with the neighbors. Sorry it is just your best interest not to keep him in the dark about your intentions.
Best of luck to you and think of your safety first
2006-12-22 13:08:04 · answer #2 · answered by young at heart 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless you tell him or show him in some way, no he would not know. Men as women often have a sixth sense that something is up. My case was in the bedroom. Things after 16 years changed and that was how I knew she was having an affair. As for knowing about her filing, well she told me.
Also if you notice him doing things around the house that have normally not been done before to help you out, he might possibly have an inclination that something is about to happen.
You say he has been abusive to your children, I would have already filed. That is a terrible thing for a child to endure and the longer you put it off the more pain and suffering your children have to bear, and that is not the right thing to do. God knows your pain and he is not up there with his foot ready to stomp you. He loves you and your children, He understands. Get out!
2006-12-22 19:04:19 · answer #3 · answered by 93octane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men have a tendency to want to stick their heads in the sand to all the chaos going on around them. They want to surface when the coast seems clear oblivious to what's really going on. For us women it's frustrating to say the least! Regardless of whether or not he seems AWARE of what's going on it shouldn't affect your decisions and what you have to do. It sounds to me like he's had enough of a "heads up" to figure this out but he just refuses to see what's coming. Papers in hand will make things a little more clear for him. He will no longer be able to ignore the problems.
2006-12-22 13:00:29 · answer #4 · answered by Pamela 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may come as a suprise but most men do know a divorce is comming. More supriseing is they are waiting for it. The reason for this is because they figure it won't cost them for the divorce.
I have been serving divorce papers for app 15 years and not one have I served on the wife. I hope this answers your question.
2006-12-22 13:33:49 · answer #5 · answered by R W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hopefully this will shake him out of his oblivious state and remember if it does go to the counselor together and put it back together and if it doesn't i'm sorry for you and for the kids but you CANNOT let the abuse continue!
to answer your question directly i have spoken with men who were shocked and really thought everything was ok and also those who knew it was coming
2006-12-22 13:09:10 · answer #6 · answered by David C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most men are clueless about this. It comes as a surprise. If they were not so clueless the situation would not in many cases have to come to this.
Women it seems are more intuned and have a 6th sense about this.
2006-12-22 12:56:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it was for a divorce that he WANTS he should have been trying to contact them to get this done. I'm wondering why he's mad at you, channeling his anger over his wife leaving forreal toward you isn't a good sign. If he keeps this up after you ask him wtf his problem is, it may be time for you to leave him as well.
2016-05-23 16:58:07 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares, when the knock on the door and serve him the papers, he will stand up and take notice..
2006-12-22 12:50:57 · answer #9 · answered by Brenda Soooooooooooooooooooooooo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not untill the papers show up,alot of men are unaware
of the fact that women are capable of some wrath of their
own.
he may think you do'nt have the guts,show 'em he's wrong
2006-12-22 12:52:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋