Is it wrong i am i selfish or lazy ?

Question

i dont want to work i would rather stay home and raise my 8 year and one and a half year plus i have one on the way . my husband thinks and feels i must work because he is so worried about money and money dont mean **** to me happness and being with my kids is what is importen to me i am so close to leVE MY HUSBAND OF ONLY 3 MONTHS BECAUSE HE CANT STOP FREAKING OUT ABOUT MONEY I NEED HELP PLEASE I KNOW I AM OLD FASGHION FOR WANTING TO BE A HOUSE WIFE BUT IS IT WRONG

see thats the thing i do work full time and i am supporting the hole famliy rite now because he couldnt handle life and he is in rehab and i am doing all this on my own for the holidays see i was working after noons and he worked days so everything was 50 /50 the house work the kids and the bills and he couldnt handle it so i iam willing to take on the kids and house 100%while he works and he wont have to do nothing to do with the kids or the house i will do it all

see i dont want leave my husband because we are fighting over this i am just really anger that all he cares about is money he thinks t the key to happness

thank you everyone for your help and support

thank you everyone for your help and support

Answer 1

There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay home to raise your children yourself rather than pushing that responsibility off on a caregiver who can't possibly love them and care for them the way you do. I am also a stay-at-home mom but I had a career before the kids. I can honestly say this is the hardest and most thankless job with the longest hours ever! My husband also looks at it as "letting me" stay home with the kids yet when he has to watch them alone even for a couple of hours he is "babysitting" and it's work and he's stressed out when I get back home! Like I said, it's a thankless job and you are very noble to want to do it.

That said, you and your husband need to sit down a figure out how much money you would actually be contributing to your household after paying for childcare for two kids, after school care for one, work clothes to replace your mommy clothes (sweats & pj's), extra gas for your car to take you to & from work, extra wear & tear on the car, lunches out, gifts for bosses & co-workers, contributions to office parties, etc. For us it would almost COST us for me to work. I would basically be working to pay for the childcare.

GOD BLESS YOU SWEETIE! I hope you guys work it out! From one unappreciated stay-at-home mom to another!

Answer 2

No you are not. I am a stay at home mom with two kids. My husband works for the state. Of coarse we don't have money coming out of our ears but we make it and have some left over for fun. He new from the first time we talked of having a family that I was going to stay at home. He is a guy and guys do worry about not being able to do enough for there family. I am not to sure if he does the bills or not. I do ours because as long as he isn't having to see the money going to the bills he seems to be much better about calming down.
and I hate to tell you that even people who have two working parents still fight about money. The more you make the more you spend. I wouldn't say to leave him if you are old fashion then you need to try and be supportive in the idea that he is worried and just stick by him. being old fashion (I am also) I wouldn't leave my husband because he is worried and is just having a hard time expressing him self..
Also what kind of job does he want you to get? You would just have to leave when the new baby is born. Does he know how much day care is?
Stick with it and just love him and try being a little more supportive of his feelings. Kisses and hugs help too.
congratulation's on the new baby to be.

Answer 3

It isn't wrong to want to be with your kids.
I know alot of moms who DON'T want to stay home. It is a difficult, stressful, and thankless job that doesn't give breaks or days off. It's not for the lazy-especially with three. I'm a stay at home mom of 3 right now, and there are days I would give ANYTHING to get out of this house and back to work. Life isn't all about who can make the most money, atleast not to everyone.
And speaking of money, before I got pregnant with my youngest, I was working....and as mom you need a job that is flexible when it comes to kids. What if they get sick? Who's going to take them to the doctor? And after the dr visit-daycares won't keep sick kids. What about school holidays that you aren't off work for? Even though it's the stuff that's doesn't happen often-it only takes one time for a boss that doesn't put up with it. Those things DO happen.
Because of these things I had to take a lower paying job than I'm capable of having-I was making $10.50 an hour. Both of my kids were already in school, so for awhile it was just after school care. Then summers came. By the time I paid for clothes, gas, lunches, and full time daycare for two kids, I ended up bringing home about $10 a day after taxes during the summer. For a full work week, and being away from my kids, and STILL having to come home to cooking, cleaning and laundry. Unless you can make a ton of money, and have lots of help, sometimes it just isn't worth it.
You shouldn't leave your husband over something like this. Marriage takes work, and this is just an obstacle, not an end. But you are going about it the wrong way. If he thinks this is all just about you WANTING to stay home, then it could be construed that if he WANTS more money and the things they provide, you are merely being selfish and putting your wants before his. You have to be able to rationalize this as a joint decision that he makes WITH you, and with all of the points made here and in other posts, that should be fairly easy to do. If you force it on him instead of calmly showing him that it's the best decision for everyone, it will only get worse. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, hon.

Answer 4

Is it wrong to want to be there to raise your kids and not work outside of the home? No. Is it wrong to do that if you can't pay your bills on only one income? Yes. Ideally, everyone would like to have one parent stay home to be with he kids, but it's not always possible to do that. It is wrong to struggle financially, because that stresses the kids out just as much as it does the parents. Kids can feel the stress of parents. You sound immature to me, not selfish. You have your ideal and seem to think you must live it at all costs. You need to do what is best for your family. It would seem that would mean you getting some kind of job, even if it's only a part time job. You may have to wait until the new baby comes though. Money may not mean **** to you, but it will when you have no home, food for your kids, or diapers for the baby. Money isn't everything in life, but it is necessary to live. Like it or not.

And if you leave him, who would be home to stay with the kids? How would you support yourself and your kids with out a job or a husband?

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to stay at home and raise your kids. I think it is great for the kids but it is good to work 2-3 days a week b/c it is better for you to get out and do some thing different + you will have your own money and you will teach your kids how to be independence

Answer 6

‘crack’n the whip’ at ya is he? Yup. its NOT you thats the problem, it the oblivious man you married.

you would think he would realize NO ONE would hire preggers anyway. you could baby-sit one child (for Lord knows your hands are full as it is) to help make ends meet. He freaking out because he wants help (money for the bills). He wants relief. Question is, does he relieve you with your job w/kids? you work, you just dont get paid for it.

thats not a husband your living with, thats a man dictating to an employee (YOU). find a man who doesn’t expect you to find a job after he’s gotten you pregnant.

Don’t listen to people who say ‘well, you did it to yourself’ or ‘well, you’re the one who got pregnant’… that’s water under the bridge. What is the issue at hand is how he is treating his pregnant wife & how he reacts during hard times (are you united or belittled?).

Stay at home moms can do it (for only 60% of mothers of little ones work, the rest 40% stay home), you just scrimp and cut corners every way possible. Its hard, no lie, but its doable (no car payments, no ordering food out, no credit cards etc)

Sell some stuff around the house on ebay. His first.

Answer 7

You two should have talked about your rolls before getting married. Your husband is probably freaking out because money is tight and your financially not doing to well. Christmas time is here and that is stressful on everyone. How about this. Find a job you can do at home and still be with your children. IF you have computer skills there is data entry, transcription, Avon, e-bay. Talk between the two of you and see what you can come up with that will work for the two of you financially and emotionally.

Answer 8

did you discuss this with him before you got married or did you take it for granted that he would work and support you..if not you should have talked about that.. why dont you take in babysitting so you can stay at home with the children and still be bringing in somemoney.. do you have any idea what people pay daycare nowadays.. all you need is about 3 children and you would make what you would bring home in a min wage job and it is tax free and at income tax time you will look as if you had not worked at all... you and your husband gets a nice refund and you make a little on the side....i know all of you are going to bash me for saying that.. but it is true

Answer 9

This should have been discussed before you were married. You obviously have children from a previous relationship if you've only been married 3 months. You need to talk about things and maybe come up with a compromise... like you working part-time. If you can't afford to stay home you just can't afford it. How do you plan to support your kids if you leave your husband? Welfare?

Answer 10

No, its not wrong.

Can you pay for where you live and afford enough to eat?

Then stay home and raise your kids but maybe compromise and say its just for 5 years? Then you will go out to work, maybe part time at first. Talk about it again.