he says you can have a baby and not be married because we can have a baby and if we dont work out everything is ok..and if we wait longer to get married were definatley not gonna get a divorce...he is saying its better for the kid to just know that we were never married than the kid end up like 5 and have to worry about us getting a divorce
2006-12-22 12:42:15 · 22 answers · asked by <3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No!!!
If he's not ready for a commitment like marriage, he is definitely NOT ready for a lifetime commitment to a child.
Don't even think about having children if he's not ready to get married...how
2006-12-22 12:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by Haven 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, good. And you're going to buy this one? You're not good enough to be his wife --- What ARE you thinking.... He works, and does well, and you stay with the kid, and tho he may end up having to pay child support (if you can find him) you will not share in the years he put in -- in effect, you'll be on the street, or if you have to, he'll be out with his friends, and you're home.... oh good. There are sooooo many questions like the situation you are about to get into... Read 'em and learn. Here's and example-- super common on this site. Look over the ones today....
"Oh, help me. My bf and I have a baby, he has all the $$ I have no education or skill, he's off with some other woman, because I'm too exhausted most of the time looking after our baby. He comes back smelling like perfume.... when I ask him about it he just blows me off.... he goes out and drinks with his friends and I am stuck here. What should I do??? Oh, I'm so miserable....."
Or "We have a baby, and he stays home with him, but I don't make much money, so we live barely....He doesn't help and he once had a nice job, but doesn't want to work anymore... Ohhh what do I do...."
Get the idea??
Hmmmm... hon, don't have a child unless YOU will be able to support it with a skill that pays well. And bc pills are way cheaper than diapers. And no, every child should have parents who love each other FIRST and are a committed couple FIRST, and their marriage and relationship is really solid before they bring a third person into their marriage. Children, hon, are not binding, they are divisive.... read some of these questions.
My mom always told me:
1. The most important decision in your life is the man who you marry and have children with
2. Always have a skill you can use to support yourself
3. Marriage and children aren't always forever.
4.. Have a stash of cash no one knows about, even if you know you will never need it.
Wise thoughts. If your bf is not ready to be your husband, sweetie, he isn't ready to be the father of your child either....
2006-12-22 14:10:24 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not knowing your age, sweetie it is best to wait until you both are ready to get married, enjoy that life style for a while and then think about kids.
They are not cheap and I promise the more you work and bring home, the more you spend on your children. IT is just a proven fact.
If he is not ready to marry you and make a commitment to marriage and I almost certain he is not ready for a life time commitment to a child.
Remember, if he leaves, you have a child to raise solo and it is not easy. I suggest get on birth control and protect your assests here. YOU have a lot at stake and what is he willing to do? Be the sperm donor ! If he is ready for a baby he is ready for marriage.
Does he have insurance for the baby? If he has insurance, and you were married then it would cover you and the baby. If you have insurance then your insuance that you pay for each week or bi weekly out of your check will be paying for the baby.
My son is 21 and he just had a baby a year ago. Not married and had to go in front of a judge and swear under oath he was the babies father and accept all responsibility of the child. He did this just because they were not married and even though his daughter carries his last name, he still had no legal rights to her until it was filed in the court.
As his attorney said, in the event the mother should pass away by choice or accident, he would have to fight her family just to have visitation rights to his daughter since paturnity was not established. Yes, they have been together since they were 15. But, he had to do that just for all the what if's. Like what if she leaves? What is she move to another state? What if and what if. SO in order to make sure he was able to have all legal rights, he pursued it first. BUT he is a father who loves and takes very very good care of his daughter and she wants for nothing. I am blessed and so is she. BUT YOU MIGHT NOT BE SO LUCKY.
He has done that, but there is more to a baby then just having sex, love and 9 months later have a child. There is a big responsibility and one HE has to be willing to take on.
2006-12-22 13:02:45 · answer #3 · answered by young at heart 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what he means by " if we dont work out, everything is ok". Is he saying that if you end up falling out, the baby isn't going to suffer in any way? Is he saying he's just going to leave you to bring up the baby on your own while he does whatever the hell he wants?
Sure, in this day & age it doesnt really matter whether you are married or not in the eyes of most people...but its kinda strange for your guy to say he wants a kid but thats as far as he wants his committment to you to go.
Face it honey, fathers can leave at any time but husbands are a little more permanent because the law forces them to be. If he's prepared to father a child for you, he ought to show some genuine committment to the both of you in the future. If he's not going to do that..then get the hell out of the relationship quickly, for the sake of your own sanity.
2006-12-22 12:57:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your bf is full of s**t. Getting married before having kids ensures that you will have a stable legal contract between you. If you have kids without marriage, and you separate, there is little legal recourse for the care of the children, your personal expenses, etc. If he dies, and there is no insurance or will, you will get nothing, and his blood family will get all of his stuff. If they don't like you, you can pretty much rule out getting a cent to recover your life and take care of his family when he's gone. Marriage now isn't about love so much as it is about delineating responsibility and protecting your legal rights as a family.
2006-12-22 12:52:50 · answer #5 · answered by Angela M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That doesn't make sense... he thinks it's okay to bring another person into the world, and if it doesn't work out he'd leave you with the child? I think you should tell him to grow up. If he doesn't want to marry you that's one thing, but he shouldn't say it's okay to have a child, because you'd be fine if it doesn't work out. Does he even understand how hard it may be for you to be a single mother?
2006-12-22 12:53:13 · answer #6 · answered by Jen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. My sons dad and I was engaged to be married and I got pregnant. I had to split up with him. We never got married. But now he is suppose to pay child support and doesn't. It not good just going out and having a child. Its very hard with only one parent. I would wait until you got married first then talked about having children. But don't get married just because your pregnant or because you want to be pregnant. get married because you love each. then worry about kids
2006-12-22 12:48:08 · answer #7 · answered by Tyetta P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if hes thinking that things may not work out then it makes no sense but if he is sure that it will last then i see know reason that you have to be married to have a child together as long as you are commited to each other and the child
2006-12-22 12:50:51 · answer #8 · answered by chrfou18 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck no, don't fall for this one, I would definetely get married first! Otherwise he could totally back out and you would be the one raising the child. NOt good, he needs to commit and marry children shouldn't be brought into it until the ring is on the fingers!
2006-12-22 12:45:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's the stupidest thing I read in a long time. Girl don't fall for that crap. In essence he's saying that you're good enough to play house with and procreate with but not good enough to be his wife. That's not fair to you. If he won't change his position on the matter, you should dump him before you waste the best years of your life on some clown that doesn't respect you as person.
2006-12-22 12:55:07 · answer #10 · answered by Radio Diva 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋