Our 5 years of marraige have been painful and loud and physical. I am no longer even angry. I am tired and want to move on with my life and finish raising my son from 1st marraige. He keeps saying that mnarraige is full of ups and downs. Misinforming the new wife about issues that we agreed would not be issues put a bad start to this marriage. Prior to this one I'd sworn to never do it again (heartbreaking 1st divorce) and yet here I am. He has habits I abhor (no sign of these prior to marriage) he is very defensive with no reason he says. He ruined my marriage by lying and wants me to hang in here with him - why - we are married. I have a son he loves and who loves him. I do not wan to break that but I do not want to stay in a married relationship with someone who married me with no though of after the wedding....I have admitted all the above to him and he still wants to try to save this marriage.I think I am being realistic. We live like friends with benefits....
2006-12-22 12:38:12 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Right!! No question asked just seeking thoughts on situation..
2006-12-26 02:02:12 · update #1
the reality is that this divorce has the potential to be even more painful than your first as you watch your son endure it with you! but your husband who has obviously made mistakes(actually you both have!) says he wants to save this marriage. ask him to go to counseling with you if he wants you to "hang in there with him" you should be able to expect change not endure the status quo while you hang in there. you are not being realistic you are in pain and want to escape but divorce is more painful than the relationship repairs if you are both willing (and he says he is) there aren't any issues that cannot be mitigated
2006-12-23 03:35:40 · answer #1 · answered by David C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you want to end the marriage, so think about what has been going on. You say your marriage is painful, loud and physical. Doesn't sound good. when you do leave think about the qualities in him that you do not like. In the next relationship look for these signs and don't jump quickly.
Having a child in a second relationship is hard because they do get attached. Remember this: if it is not good for one of you it is not good for either. You are a package deel and if you son is seeing physical abuse, he is going to learn that. Break the chain. Give your child a second change. Let your son know the breakup is not because of him and let him talk it out with you. Be supportive.
Best of luck, this isn't easy but you can do it. Happy holidays.
2006-12-22 20:47:52 · answer #2 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you are being realistic and it is a shame that he was honest with you at the outset. Too often this seems to be the case and it is heart-breaking on the wife and on the husband when the wife is not honest. I understand him wanting to save the marriage and I think it can be saved if he changes his attitude. He needs to be honest with you and stop these bad habits of his or at least work at trying to change his behavior. I think the best thing for both of you under the circumstances is to seek marriage counseling and let a professional advise and guide you. You both must agree to attend and let the counselor work things out between you. If just one of you goes it will not work. I wish you much success.
2006-12-22 20:45:31 · answer #3 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually, they make a man promise to love and honor the wife. If you are not loved or not honored, you are not in a marriage type of relationship. If you cannot agree on what this all means, then see a counselor, alone or together.
2006-12-22 20:52:16 · answer #4 · answered by Happy Camper 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds as though you have already made up your mind and you just want to m ake sure that you have made the right decision. if it is something that you can stand by...then stand by it. you are not happy. he is not truthful and no amount of love he has for you or your son can change his behaviors. i agree with you. you should move on. learn from this. leap into the great unknown one more time. but this time do it on your own terms. be strong and don't fall for another dud.
good luck....
2006-12-22 20:47:42 · answer #5 · answered by beckdawgydawg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you need to get out... I left my angry tempered boyfriend at one month pregnant this was very hard...but I am so glad I left I don't even look back. He was always saying relationships had their ups and downs too...making excuses for it to be okay when it was not. Well take care and move on to make yourself happy. Good Luck.....you will meet someone that treats you much better.
2006-12-22 20:43:02 · answer #6 · answered by sweetme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you looking for someone to confirm what you already know? Do you want a friend or a partner? Would it be better or worse without him in your life? Would it be better or worse with no man in your life?
You know the answer.
2006-12-22 20:44:42 · answer #7 · answered by cate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried counseling? Maybe one last shot could be worth it. That way you and he both would have at least tried everything and then if it does not work, you will have no regrets or coulda, shoulda, woulda's.
2006-12-22 20:44:36 · answer #8 · answered by baby_doll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds very sad. I feel like like I am living your life. Run, don't walk. That's not a relationship.
2006-12-22 20:53:04 · answer #9 · answered by survivor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should consider family counseling.
2006-12-22 20:41:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋