why do parents show their love by yelling at you?

Question

it doesnt make sense to me. my dad tells me she just wants me to turn out to be a wonderful mother, but she's ALWAYS yelling it seems like...except when she's not home. when you yell at your kids, do you think it really makes them think you love them? i know she loves me, but why cant she just ask me...not command or 'nicely' (if you know what i mean) threat? i know im not the only child going through this. why why why?

Answer 1

If they don't care about you, they'd leave you alone...

Answer 2

Many times we as parents don't always know how to do our jobs. It's hard, because none of us want to raise a "problem child" or a "spoiled" one, and everyone tells us the best way to do this is discipline. The thing is, not all of us know how to discipline people correctly, and many of us follow the examples our parents set.

The best thing you can do is choose a day when your mother is calm and tell her how you feel. Don't be angry, or accusatory, just talk calmly at her, no matter how much she raises her voice. Tell her that you'd do things faster if she asked or whatever you'd like her to do. If she goes along with it and tries, then you absolutely HAVE to remember to do it, or she won't think it's working. You should try to have your dad sit in on this conversation too, it that's possible, so he sees that you're being reasonable.

If that doesn't work, or if she brings up reasons why she always yells, think about them. Does she have a reason why she thinks you won't listen? If so, try to change that, so that you're completely in the right. If she has no basis for it, your best option is to do things as best you can, and try to be reasonable and not yell.

As much as that sounds like a cop-out, it's also fairly evil in its own way. There are few things more frustrating than having someone be reasonable at you when you're mad, and if you do it in public then she'll always look like the bad one.

Sometimes, unfortunately, people don't get along with their parents. Sometimes we never do, and sometimes it doesn't happen until you're older. This isn't the kid's fault, or the parent's fault...some parents just can't be who they should be. Remember that your mom only knows a part of you, and that as you grow she has to get to know you more and more. We never really get to know our kids fully (which is sad) and that often makes it hard for us to do things right.

Hang in there...worst to worst, you're out at 18.

Answer 3

Well it's like this , We could not care and let you do what ever you want and get into tons of trouble . .......Then we would really freak out. So we do little yells to head off the the Big trouble down the road. I went through the same thing with my parents. I turned out to be a nice young lady. *-* I did not understand then. I Do now!! You know many times a child might disappoint a parent.and we yell .We really shouldn't yell . But it's quick and easy. Forgive her.

Answer 4

Most parents yell at their children because they love them! Do u think about how the parents feel when they yell at you? They might even feel bad more than you! They yell so next time you are not going to make a mistake again! If they just talk nicely, ask nicely, you will do it the second time, and get in troubles. They yell at their children, they have their reasons too!

Answer 5

Yelling isn't a show of love, it shows the person has poor communication skills. What they lack in authority or vocabulary, they attempt to make up with volume. Yelling isn't the way to talk to one's kids, or anyone else for that matter...a parent who really knows their stuff, never has to raise their voice and yet their kids KNOW they mean business.

Tell her how you feel when she yells and that you love her and know she loves you, but there's no need to yell at you...you hear and understand her words and the yelling just causes you to feel badly and wonder why she's so angry inside.

Answer 6

happens to me too. what i've found out is that usually she's been asking me to do something for a little while and i'm not responsive. So then, naturally, she gets annoyed and then yells. But i only notice when she yells because she totally has my attention. so it feels like all she ever does is yell. not saying your doing this, but try and be as compassionate and understanding as possible and do the things she asks right away and she'll probably stop. when i payed more attention to my mom she was a lot nicer and we get along a lot better now.

Answer 7

What everyone forgets when a parent is yelling at them, is that their parents are actually human (shock!) just like you or me. Your parents do love you, if they didn't care they wouldn't get so worked up over you! Just like how you can get upset over things that mean a lot to you.

Yeah, it sucks. I'm 21 and I still get yelled at by the parents here and there. But I know that overall, it's basically them caring so much about helping me become a fully functional human.

Answer 8

No. . . parents love you so much that they yell at you! I know it seems wierd but its because they love you and want you to do the right thing that sometimes they think that yelling is what you hear.....know what i mean? its hard to be a parent....but keep in mind...parents do not try to lead you in the wrond direction. there is a reason they are yelling.....cuz they love ya and wanna make sure you make good decisions....they may not go about it right all of the time but it doesn't change the intention.

Answer 9

Children have a tendency to shut their parents out. Parents mistakenly think that by talking louder or yelling that we will be heard. When I yell at my children it is not an intentional action on my part but it is often a necessity to get their attention especially if they are fighting among themselves. It's a way to let you guys know that we are serious about what we are saying and we want to be heard. Try to look at it from her point of view. Are you open and ready and willing to listen to what she has to say? I've never seen or heard of someone yelling at another person without cause. Perhaps it's because you aren't listening? Perhaps it's because you are trying to tune her out? Perhaps it's because you are disrespectful and she's trying to gain the upper hand to get your respect? It could be a number of things. It has been my experience with people - and this includes my own mother when I was growing up - that when you whisper to someone it requires them to lower their voice to hear you. Have you tried being the one in control and speaking quietly to your mother when she is yelling? There are a number of things you can do to remedy this problem. The number one thing you need to do is talk to your mother about it. Tell her how it makes you feel when she yells at you. Tell her that you wish for the two of you to be able to communicate in a mature way. She will have to respect you for it but you have to mean what you say. Try to remember this too, we impose rules on you out of love for you. We've lived what you're living and we've survived it with the hopes that our own children don't have to learn the same painful lessons. It's hard for children to hear but discipline is indeed a form of love. If you can keep that in mind too it will help in dealing with this situation.

God bless you!

Answer 10

She is letting her frustrations show! Tell her it hurts you when she yells, and that what she is saying would have a much better effect spoken in a calm voice. Make a deal with her: Every time she ask you to do something in a calm tone, you will give her a big smile, say Thank You and do it right away. When you are finished, you could always walk up to her and say, "It's done. I love you." Believe me, it will strengthen your relationship with your mother!

Answer 11

Your mother does not want you to make the same mistakes she made and she also wants you to be a better person. The problem is not you, it is your mother. Your mother may have had some hang ups in life and is trying to protect you. Just try to understand that she wants the best for you. She expects more from you because she knows she told you what and what not to do but you keep being your own person. Being yourself is not a bad thing but remember try to be the best you.