When do I know if a divorce is right for me.?

Question

I have only been married for 4 years. We have one little boy, who is 3. We fight all the time. I still love him I just don't think our marriage is right. I am so confused and heartbroken. Does anyone have any advice. All I ask is that you don't critizice.

I should add that when ever I try to bring up seeing a thereapist he gets so angry. He just refuses to go.

Answer 1

This is the best advice i can give you -

Don't get a divorce. You might think it will solve your problems but it dosn't. You're going to have to live with a scar the rest of your life. God said that marrage is a permanent thing. It's supposed to last your whole life. Follow my advise. - Tjf

Answer 2

If you still love him, as you say you do, unless there is physical violence, please do seek counselling before making any decisions. Four years is young for a marriage! There will be plenty more problems (and bigger ones) to conquer together. They can either spell the end, or be a stepping stone to a better understanding of and future with each other. If your husband is not open to counselling, then you can go alone. In fact, divorce can get really ugly and harmful to children if not done with care. Most of the time, the adults involved in ugly divorces don't have an objective third party to guide them. Seeking a professionals advice can't hurt. Besides, if and when you leave, you want to be as sure of your decision as you can possibly be...Divorce with regret isn't a nice way to start a new life. I'm wondering if perhaps, like most couples, you and your husband have gotten lost in taking care of your child and forgotten about each other? Just a thought.... Anyway, All the best and take care.

Answer 3

Hey there,

I don't really know the entire situation so i couldnt begin to advise on whether a divorce is the answer. You need to do whats best for all of you. Sit him down and talk to him first and tell him exactly how you feel.

You might be worried about rocking the boat by bringing the topic up, but if you don't it will surely get worse.

If your arguments are just over 'small' things normally then try to work through those 'small' things.

Find out what it is that annoyes him, then make it clear what annoyes you. Then if either of you is guilty of 'pushing those buttons' in the future hopefully you can avoid an argument.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Ok i gonna be honest I think only two..if he cheats or abuses you. Whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. No one deserves to be trodded on and belittled. If one of these hits the bullseye do it! If not then don't just know NO marriage is perfect. All the hype of soulmate is hype and not truth. Youll end up in the same position just a different man. Time gets on people and maybe he just needs room to breath. Get councelling. Love is not an emotion it's an action. It's a will..I say work toward as much as you can do everything as though your about to leave him and youll find that you actually love him. Be good to yourself and stay if all it is..is arguing...Do you have someelse in thought ? Are you getting close to another male (is so stay away). The good things in life shine when there is bad. Thats how you know it's good.

Answer 5

Honey, I would respectfully submit that if he is not abusing you, then divorce is not the right thing to do.

Usually people struggle in marriage because one or both forget to consider the other person's needs and desires. This shows up often after children are born because the guy feels neglected as his wife spends so much time (legitimately) caring for their child, and then she has no energy to fulfill all his needs and desires the way she used to. This makes him irritable.

Ask yourself if you are fighting all the time with regard to specific matters, which can be dealt with, or if it is just basically bickering over unimportant matters.

Talk to him, or if it is easier, write him a letter/note, explaining how you feel...without blaming or criticizing. If you feel there are things you are doing to hurt him, or if you are struggling to find the energy to make him happy, explain that, apologize for it, and ask him to help you love him better by explaining how you can do that better. Also suggest some ways he can help you so that you're not too tired for him. Don't forget to tell him how much you respect him (that's a big one), love him and how much you appreciate what he does for you and the family (working to support you, and any specifics you can think of). Put the note on his pillow with a piece of his favorite treat wrapped all pretty.

God tells us in His word (the Bible) that love is not just a feeling, it is an ACTION. To LOVE your husband, love him by your actions and then see how it all works out.

I'll pray for you.

I had 3 boys in 4 years, so I know all about the exhaustion...it's not easy

Answer 6

First you have to determine what you fight about. Usually it is a recurring unresolved problem. Seek counselling if you both think there is a problem. That way you at least try before you end it. In other words, 'earn' your way out by trying to work out problems so they get resolved to the fairness of each person. Make a list: how will life be better/worse. Why did you marry (this gives you perspective on whether things have changed, or love blinded you into ignoring a mismatch). Good luck.

Answer 7

your marriage is not right but you state that you still love him so it is just time to do something about the constant fighting. every relationship is going to have some disagreements and during the initial stages of a marriage you expect to have more things to sort out but after four years this should have subsided. seek help in resolving your differences that cause the most fights. a counselor is great if you can afford one or you may try your pastor if you attend church if not try to find a married couple who has already worked out this stage in their relationship and ask them if they would be willing to give you two some advice about how they were able to make their relationship peaceful and fulfilling

Answer 8

Try to get him to see a marriage counselor with you. Maybe try a separation first so he knows that you are serious if he refuses to see a marriage counselor. When you don't(or can't) cry anymore when you have a big fight,it's probably time. You shouldn't put up with physical.emotional or mental abuse and remember your child is taking this all in and you don't want your child to think that this is normal behavior.Only you can decide when or if it is right. Good Luck!

PS-It's better to get a divorce when the child is young. It's not a vivid in their mind when they grow up. My son doesn't remember his dad and I ever being together.

Answer 9

Some people never know, there is no one answer. FOr me it was when the thought of the pain and hurt and loneliness of being without him was more bearable then the pain and hurt and loneliness of being with him. Even when I was divorced I did not know for sure it was the right thing, still to this day 2 years later I have times when I am not sure it was the right thing, but eventually we have to make a decision as to what we want our lives to be. A decision on what will make us happier and then follow it through whether it is staying or leaving.

Answer 10

No one knows for sure if divorce is right for you except for you. No one knows what is said or done or not done behind closed doors except for you. Your first step, because you not only have yourself to worry about, but also a small child - is to take control and go to counseling yourself. It will help you see the situation clearer and so you can make a more informed decision. If confidence or self-worth is an issue for you, you definitely need to talk to someone. They are not going to tell you to get divorced - that's up to you - but they will help you know that you are worth every ounce of gold in this world. Good luck...

Answer 11

Stay together and get counseling. Give the marriage and your young son a chance. If things do not improve and you have exhausted every avenue of saving your marriage then consider divorce.