Since I don't know who is patrolling this website, I'm going to start out saying I have this "friend". So I have this friend who is in the military and she has had a gf for over two years. She joined the military last february. Her girlfriend and her and still together, in fact she is stationed only four hours away from her home town and her gf moved up there and got an apartment. They are doing great. Her gf is very supportive, optimistic, and EXTREMELY understanding. The military one has been thinking about career options and is not sure if she will re-enlist (3 years from now), but that's not the point. Her gf is supportive if she wants to stay in or get out. But,the one in the military is concerned..is hiding yourself, your partner, your "other" life, worth a career? Even if it's a great career? They are very careful and the military one is thriving in her career, and things are great. But, it has to eventually get old hiding...but maybe not...I don't know...what do you think?
2006-12-22 11:42:15 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I would start by being honest in how I live my life no matter the concequences. Don't live a lie and be proud of who and what you are and have become. Being able to openly love someone and let the world know it no matter what happens is I think a very big sacrifice but I would be willing to do it. Like me for who I am or don;t but I will not adjust my life just to fit in. There are many careers out there for her to explore and if she gets out she would have Military benefits to help the both of them to really expand their life together. I think living this way makes it hard to fully commit because of fear of someone finding out. Live life and be proud.....
2006-12-22 11:49:19 · answer #1 · answered by cyborg_2099 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's kind of early for your friend to decide whether or not she's going to re-enlist. I'm glad she is enjoying her career, but she doesn't have to make that decision right now. She has plenty of time.
I am also glad that her gf is being so supportive and that both of them are able to have the best of both worlds right now.
Some things for your friend to think about before making any decisions in a few years from now...
Is having a really great career worth having to hide basic information about her life for twenty-odd years? Never bringing her partner to military functions where wives are invited, etc.
Does the gf feel that she is able to hide half her life for the next 20 years?
If the answer is yes, then what are the rules regarding this sort of arrangement?
Also, I'm sure your friend is already aware that sometimes comrades in arms get angry at one another and try to dig up dirt on one another. There have been many cases lately where a person who has been very careful has been outed through an anonymous email to military higher-ups.
So, these are just some things for your friend to think about and re-evaluate over the next few years. Then it will be easier to make the decision in three years.
I wish your friend luck.
2006-12-22 12:03:25 · answer #2 · answered by Jen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your military friend can go on in her career being happy hiding who she truly is for the sake of her career than go for it. But realize there are consequences if it should be found out. This is after all a deception and there for a lie. Your military friend needs to think about how trust worthy someone is if they have to lie in order to keep their job. I am not saying the rules of the service are right but they are still the rules until they are changed. So if found out there will be consequences.
2006-12-22 11:52:31 · answer #3 · answered by jane d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually this is a very personal matter..
mmm...according to me nothing is worth more than an individual; his or her own personality; their very existence is worth MORE than any job - wether big or trivial. SO, if i was in her place, i would choose my LIFE over a career; coz there can always be alternative careers; not being in the military doesnot mean the end of a career. A girl has so many options to lookout for. Denying or hiding ur identity leads you nowhere..
2006-12-22 11:53:15 · answer #4 · answered by Girish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose that all people have to hide SOMETHING in their lives at some point. However, to hide something so essential to one's very self seems to me to be an awfully high price to pay for success in a career. Only the person making the decision can ultimately say for certain, but I think that if I were having to hide a really important part of myself to be in a particular job (whatever the job was), then it would ultimately be more than I could deal with.
Good luck.
2006-12-22 11:46:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The partner that is out or not hidden has to accept this and not blame the other partner who may not be so free in her/his career.
My ex-boyfriend worked in finance, voted for Bush twice, was a conservative Republican, watched Fox News, listened to Rush Limbaugh, and lied to his brother on the phone when I would answer telling him I was his roommate (not his bf).
I handled it because I am me and he is him. Gay couples sometimes expect too much out of each other because they are the same gender and you have to know who YOU are and who THEY are.
His job was very conservative and after I understood his upbringing, I knew that his closetness was best for his career and his family. I worked at an art school and came out when I was 13 so my life had been very different than his.
It will work as long as each person does not place their own expectations on each other, can communicate, and can reevaluate the situation if it is not condusive to both people feeling successful in the relationship.
2006-12-22 11:44:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a really personal decision. This person has found a gf who is willing to stick around with her with whatever that decision is (which I would have to consider rare). If it were me, I don't think i'd be able to do it, but then I have college-student change-the-world priorities right now. ;) Even so, I don't think I could really handle that. If this person can handle it, and can live a happy life, it's completely her perogative.
2006-12-22 17:51:15 · answer #7 · answered by Atropis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to hide. Just don't tell them. Or as a civilian that's what i say. Is a great career worth hiding who are you.. Only if you're happy doing so.
2006-12-22 11:45:08 · answer #8 · answered by Josh Bastard 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is my personal belief that home life and career life are 2 separte things and should never be mixed together. If these 2 people are happy and in love then so be it. Keep it private, that is not hiding, that is just keeping your home life at home, and keep your work life at work.
2006-12-22 11:45:51 · answer #9 · answered by plantladywithcfids 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay I don't think you should reenlist just believe me on this one OK it will pay off.
P.S.
Don't hide any more is it really worth it?
2006-12-22 11:46:56 · answer #10 · answered by ♥LuV my preppyness♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋