should i trust my husband? i caught him with his ex-wife he lied to me?

Question

my husband told me he was going to visit his parents, dropped my daughter off at home and left the home i was supicious so i left and drove around the area a few hours later only to find out that he didn't go to his parents he went to a cook-out with his ex-wife and two sons...there was only one other couple there at the cook-out....she had her husband arrested two nights before this incident and my husband was changing the locks and when he came home that nigth she called to ask him to be there at 5am to dress the boys...??? they are 10 and 7??? there is a 14 year old in the house that could of helped them...but he went anyways to help her where she had to go to court....for the arrested husband for hitting her.....finally after a week she took her husband back and then my husband started to kiss the ground i walk on, but she continues to call all the time when we have the kids to say ''good night or ask them where we are at or what we are doing...she does not allow them with me alone

Answer 1

No..
You should not trust your husband.l.
He may not have cheated yet but if not, he is on the way...

Answer 2

Second marriages often have problems because of this exact thing. The second wife or husband gets upset because of the spouses ties and obligations to their children and to their ex (in relation to the children). I don't exactly understand all of the details that you layed out but I do know that I would not be okay with my husband lying to me about spending time with his ex. He should have been up front with you. You have a right to wonder about what he was doing, why he lied, etc. I would question him on that, for sure. But remember that she will be a part of your life, unfortunately, until the children are grown and out of the house ... and even after that you will see her and have to deal with her at future weddings and Gradnchildrens birthdays, etc. Might as well get all of the issues out of the table and dealt with now. Talk to him, talk to her. Address whatever is bothering you... or you will soon be the ex wife.

Answer 3

Wow you've got some problems on your hand.

First, your husband is wrong for lying to you and that must be addressed. You should not trust him, and there was no reason for him to lie to you about it. You are his wife.

Secondly, you also have to understand that his two children live with his ex-wife in a obviously troubled home. I would understand his concern and wanting to be around his children. Also, his wife has every right to call your house when her children are staying with you and unfortunately has the right to say who should be alone with them. As for them being alone with you, save that battle for next time you have other problems on your hands.

Thirdly, is there any reason that you cannot reasonably be with him when he goes to his ex-wife's home?

Your husband's ex-wife sounds like she still feels the need to be the Alpha Female in his life and she in a way controls him through their children. Your husband is also allowing her to interfere in your lives and you need to nip this in the bud if it isn't too late already.

I personally would insist that you both see a marriage counselor and that he must include you in all dealings with her. And make sure you address the lying and don't let it slide. He intentionally lied to you and that's wrong. Let him know you won't put up with it and that he needs to rebuild your trust by including you when he deals with his ex. And be very serious about letting him know that he lies to you again that you will leave him.

You don't have a marrige if you don't have trust and honesty.

Answer 4

Sounds like she is playing him and he is allowing it. My husband did the same thing before we were married. There is a book I don't quite remember the name but it is about munipulative relationships. It is in a paperback after he read that he really understood how she was.
She seems the type that wants to move on but it is not okay for him to move on. You need to talk to him not yell tell him what it is doing to your relationship and how much it hurts you. I know where you are coming from. Communication is the key.

Answer 5

i wouldn't trust her for a minute, seems all is not well in her home life, and she may definitely have design es on your husband. she doesn't like u, as u stand in the way of her getting him back. sometimes even if there is a divorce, people just don't fall out of love. could still be something there, i would really protest if it were my husband, as he should not be doing things for her, or lying to u about his whereabouts, if he would lie about that, what else would he lie about.

Answer 6

Your husband sounds like a two-faced jerk. It seems like his ex hasn't gotten over him. Do not trust him. The ex sounds like a real brat. Look on the bright side, you have him and she doesn't.

Answer 7

first of all ...you need to grow up! They were married and have 3 kids together....the mother of his children was in trouble and he helped her...would you think more of him as a person if he refused to help her because his new wife would be jealous???? What kind of an insecure, selfish person are you? you married a man with baggage...accept that and trust him or move on with your life....

Answer 8

how selfish of you...he knows how you'd react so he has to hide it from you. if you'd be more understanding of the situation that his ex-wife and more importantly his sons are in then maybe he'd have you involved. instead you blame him...

Answer 9

I wouldn't trust him or his ex.
Good~Luck on this one.

Answer 10

get rid of him