I have a few concerns right now. I have a friend that is about to die . I need advice to keep me sane!?

Question

I dont know how to even start explaining my situation.my mind is all over the place. I have been depressed over this break up i had like 2 months ago. i have a friend who just told me she has aids and is going die in a few months! she and other friends helped me get over him. I recently saw my ex again and all those feeling came back. I know this isn't major but i lived with him and i loved him very much. He told me he missed me. we had sex again, as soon as we finished it all went to hell he said it wasnt a good idea to keep "talking". This semester in school was a disaster I failed like 2 classes! I'm not gonna cry because i dont think I'll stop! I hate this year! it has had alot of ups and downs. It is not fair. I cant imagine being in her shoes! Last night i just did not know what to tell her.all I could say is that God couldnt do this. I am speechless when it comes to her! we usually hang out now she doesnt wanna go out! I have no control over them. I don't know how to help her!

I know it feels like im just ranting on, but i need advice so i can first help my friend! I don't know how to make her happy. She is in a situation i cannot possibly understand. I just think I am a mess.

Answer 1

It is understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed right now - there is a lot going on, and your emotions are being pulled in a lot of different directions. It might help for you to talk out some of your frustrations with someone you can trust, just someone who will listen and not judge.

Put the three things going on right now into perspective - your friend's condition, school, and your ex-boyfriend. What is least important, in the grand scheme of things (I am guessing the ex; there is a reason he is an ex)? What is most important (I would suggest that your ill friend and school are equally important in different ways)?

Of the two important things, what can you do about them? You can't change your friend's condition, but you can change your school results. I would suggest that you focus your energy on bringing your grades back up, while at the same time, spend some quality time with your friend to help her ease her way - visit, read to her, send messages, bring small gifts... the exact circumstances will dictate what you can do, but just show her that you care.

Life isn't fair; you just have to do the best you can. Change what you can, and accept what you can't change.

Answer 2

First of all, your "ex" was only looking for sex. After they got that it was "see ya". Next time they want to talk tell them to hit the road. As far as your friend who is dying; it is always hard to know what to say in that situation, especially to a friend. Sometimes words aren't needed. Actions speak louder than words. Just be there for her and support her all you can. I would also seriously take a break from school for a short time and then start back when your head is clearer and this has passed. This way you can spend more time with your friend while you can, your studies won't suffer because you have too much on your mind. Do NOT let your 'ex" take advantage of the situatiuon and play on your sympathies now. That will only add to the confusion. You are truly only losing ONE friend right now even though you think of the "ex" as one. Your true friend is still here and can still help you too. She probably doesn't want to go out because she doesn't feel well and may feel as if she's a burden to you right now. Let her know she is not. May God Bless you and your friend.

Answer 3

not that I ever had a problem like this, or ever want to be in this kinda mess, but if it helps I'd be lost myself in your shoes. I know that everyone probably keeps telling you how important it is to spend as much time with your friends to have more memories of them before they die. However, you gotta respect the friend's will to be left alone. She may look tough, but we both know she is more needy in care and comfort than anyone else right now. No matter what she says, you should tell her how much you need her, too. You know, sometimes it helps to joke about life and death to overcome the tension. My grandfather is pretty old and I know how hard it is for him to talk about his age and lung problem, but when we start joking about his age, we tend to be just careless and joyful. I hope it will help in your sitch too.
About the guy, though, it's hard to say anything. I've been thu messy break ups and all I can say is that guys are jerks. For some jerks it is easier to mature as they grow up, for others you just gotta accept them the way they are or avoid any contact with them, which I am sure you are already aware of.
Good luck.

Answer 4

You should talk to a shrink a few times. Not because you are crazy, but to keep your sanity. He/she will give you some ideas to help with the stress, and will explain things and put them into context and focus.
If you let all these bad things stay at the front of your mind, you will have a nervous breakdown and won't be able to function.
Sounds like that guy you are seeing just wants to use you. You will feel better if you lay off the sex for a while and try to think of ways to comfort your friend.

Answer 5

you are right, you are in such a mess and you need to get out of it soon. i totally understand yr situation but i can't say i know how u feel. first you need to stay strong for yr friend right coz she hasn't long to live. why don't you enjoy the little time u've got with her so you don't regret anything after shes' gone. as for yr bf I'm sorry to say this but hes' a loser. you need to stop thinking about him and move on. don't you see hes' just using you for sex? if he comes back seducing him no matter how much you ,love and miss him tell him to leave you alone and never come back. he knows how much you love and miss him and hes' taking advantage of that. going back to yr friend, if she doesn't' want to go out then why don't you do something she likes indoors. hope that helps and all the best.
PS; you are lucky that she told you that shes' going to die at least you've got time get used to the idea and get means to move on after shes dead.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

First of all i can not say i know what you are going through. i couldnt imagine feeling the pain you have. i know that its hard to accept the fact that she will one day move on to a better place. no one will ever know what you are going through until they experience it. maybe you can try to do little things to show her that you are here for her. to show her you care. a man is the last thing you need to worry about. all he is doing is causing you more hurt. i know it maybe really hard to do but let him go. once you do you will feel so much better i promise. you need to talk to someone maybe you can go to your mom or someone who you can pour all your feelings to. i pray that you can find a happy ending in your life.

Answer 8

wow, ok you have a lot on your mind. first of all, focus on your grades, second, focus on ur diying friend. second dont have sex with the guy any more! it sucks for you good luck though oh and mye you should se a shrink. its nice to be able to talk 2 a professional. good luck babe

Answer 9

you need to help her try to make the most of her time left. and you need to know that she will be going to a better place. and as for ur b/f, he just wanted someone to sleep with,