I also know that he has a kid that she doesn't know about. He is very, very verbally and emotionally abusive towards her, and sometimes is physically abusive..
On one hand I don't want to ruin her life, because she wants to be with him. On the other hand, I find it very hard keeping these secrets from her, and feel she has a right to know that her boyfriend is a loser.
She's been with him since she was 16, and she's now 21. She has no life experience, and is very naive.
If you were a woman in that position, would you want to know?
Or, should I just keep my mouth shut?
2006-12-22 10:36:51 · 19 answers · asked by Haven 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To the person who said "why tell her now?":
I just found out, actually, from my husband, who used to be his best friend.
2006-12-22 10:41:10 · update #1
Forgot to mention they have 2 children together. If she left him, it would tear the family apart...then again, it might be for the best, as he verbally abuses his older daughter, too...
Also, I'm almost positive she doesn't know these things already.
And...I'm really scared that if I tell her, he'll know it was me who told her for sure, and he'll want to get revenge...he knows where I live, and he's aggressive (obviously). I've heard him non-directly threaten other people and am afraid he'll try to do something to me or my family.
2006-12-22 10:52:25 · update #2
Speaking from personal experience my best-friend going through an almost similar situation I have mixed feelings about whether you should involve yourself to the levvel of telling her about his cheating, because it could backfire on you in a bad way.
You should be counseling your friend to leave him because he's abusive towards her. If he's already been abusive and she stayed, what makes you think she'll leave him just because he cheated on her? If she stayed through the abuse, she'll stay even knowing he cheated which she may already know.
If he's the violent, abusive type and then finds out you were the one that "outed" him, he will be pissed and he may come looking to make trouble for you. And what will you do if she doesn't leave him after she finds out? Do you see where this is going?
She's your friend, you love and care for her. Keep counseling her to seek help or beg her to at least see a counselor for herself and that's all you can do. Be there for her, but don't let her suck you into her drama if she refuses to do anything about it. At 21 years old even if she has no life experience and is naive she should know abuse is wrong and it's her choice to stick through that abuse.
I tried to convince my best-friend of 18 years to leave her abusive boyfriend for 2 years straight. She called me up crying about him all the time and I was there for her but I got so sucked into her life that I was having anxiety problems because I was so worried for her. I never minced words with her either, I told her exactly what I thought and she stayed with him through the abuse and finding out on her own he was cheating on her. They broke up constantly and every time they got back together she'd stop talking to me.
Do what you can for her. Next time she's abused, insist the cops be called, but don't involve yourself to the point where you might invite trouble into your own home.
2006-12-22 11:12:53 · answer #1 · answered by hw 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would want to know, but unfortunately, it sounds like she needs to get out regardless of the cheating. I am afraid that if you do tell her, she will become angry with you. The old shoot the messenger story. She will probably confront him and he will deny it. Then he will start hinting that she shouldn't be friends with you. Instead, be a friend and be supportive when and if she decides to end the relationship. If you want to help, get her some intervention for the abuse. It will only escalate if she doesn't get out. She needs help before it is too late.
2006-12-22 10:42:41 · answer #2 · answered by princess lily 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's in an abusive relationship.. just try to encourage her to be strong and that she needs to get out of this relationship. Men come and go, but your woman friends are the ones who are there for you when you are picking up the pieces... tell her you will help and support her no matter what, but that her best bet is to be single and find herself.
2006-12-22 10:48:38 · answer #3 · answered by supernaturaldj2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOu know what i have been put in this situation. my supposed bff who became my friend had slept with my husband before becoming my friend. and never told me. if she had been honest with me in the first place our friendship could have lasted if she finds out about all of this and then on top of it finds out that her bff has been lying to her this whole time also this will devestate her trust me. she will then no longer trust anyone like me. I find it very hard to trust anyone. I have forgiven my husband. he warned me not to become her friend and i did anyways. but the friendship between her and i is just not the same and had she been honest with me i feel it would be different. just tell her.
2006-12-22 10:42:35 · answer #4 · answered by stunt101 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. this is a hard 1. ok well yes i would want 2 know. well u have 2 show her proof first. u know that he has a kid right? but she doesnt know that. so u gotta get some proof that he's has a kid. do u have a picture of the child??? does the mother of the child know that he's cheating on her? get some iinformation before u tell her
2006-12-22 10:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
do you care about your friend? you should always intervene when you know there is physical abuse, who knows how bad that can get. as far as the stuff she doesnt know about, you have to think...would you want her to tell you if it were reversed? you are not going to ruin her life by telling her, she could however ruin her life by not getting out of this lie of a relationship.
2006-12-22 10:50:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it quite is not your place to get contain with own relationship telling on your brother that something he ought to handle through fact care the situation for him self. My reason is that in case you tell the girl she is going to dis-like for existence going say if she might have toll me? my infant dad i might been a family members. some element is acceptable left to paintings it on answer.
2016-10-15 11:23:26 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about telling her..Help her escape the abusive relationship, that is what is important here. You aren't going to ruin her life he already is.
2006-12-22 10:51:42 · answer #8 · answered by wondering1960 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You stand a good chance of losing
her as a friend. If she's been with
him that long,maybe she knows &
maybe she doesn't want to know
leave it alone, You telling probably
won't matter anyway.
2006-12-22 10:45:50 · answer #9 · answered by trebor2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this is your friend you ned to tell her and let the chips fall were they may.You may even come to find out as your husband has she's not your friend,and if she is she should be glad to know.
2006-12-22 10:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋