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Both my husband an I are 34 an in great health. But 5 years ago we lost our only baby an he still blames me.Since then we have had no sex of any kind. He treats me great besides the no sex .But I tell you this I would rather have sex than things he buys me no matter how good they are. An yes I have repeatly tried to talk to him about it ,but he acts like it's not a problem.Please help.

2006-12-22 10:00:44 · 27 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

27 answers

It sounds to me like there is a resentment issue. If he blames you, (which doesn't seem right to me) maybe he is afraid to have sex as it could cause another baby and another miscarriage and another heartbreak. This is definitely a problem. You should seek counseling.
If it was just the 'no sex' issue, I would say, you're lucky he's not hounding you for it all the time, but as it seems like there are definitely more issues than sex there, your marriage needs some professional help.
Good Luck!!

2006-12-22 10:07:23 · answer #1 · answered by crystal 3 · 0 0

I think he is using losing the baby as an excuse. If he were really not having sex with you because of the loss of your baby, I think he would be showing it in other ways. You can't just turn hurt and blame on and off. It would bleed over into other areas.
You should tell him, that it may not be an issue for him but it is for you and something needs to be done about it. And find out the real reason for him not wanting to have sex. Good Luck

2006-12-22 10:22:42 · answer #2 · answered by Peepers 2 · 0 0

If you want a marriage like that then it is fine. I personally could not do that. Try counseling...oh wait..he won't admit there is an issue. I just don't know what to tell you. If you have tried everything then ask one more time and then figure out what you want in a marriage and go from there.
I know, from experience, that losing a baby can be very hard. I am sorry you had to go through that. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

2006-12-22 10:16:39 · answer #3 · answered by intewonfan 5 · 0 0

Sounds like you have the same problem I do. I think a marriage can be ok, but it is my personal feeling that it becomes more like a "roommate" situation. I love my wife, but with lack of intimacy comes a reduction in feeling towards them. For the most part, you can co-exist, maybe even happily. But there is a point where you have needs that are not being met. One way or another, that is something that needs to be addressed.

2006-12-22 10:21:27 · answer #4 · answered by Jaybo 2 · 1 0

Are you for sure his not having sex with someone else? I found it hard to believe that a man would go without sex for five years due to you losing your baby. Is he intimate with you at all, do you kiss, touch, hug etc. I hope you get to the bottom of this, you need to be love by your spouse in the most sexual way.

2006-12-22 10:11:41 · answer #5 · answered by red 1 · 0 0

No. You are just friends. You deserve to be loved and you deserve passion. Life is too short to live it without having someone love you in that all-consuming, i-can't get-enough-of -you way.

Tell him you've been patient long enough. Either he gets help or you move on. Believe me, even if you love him, there is someone out there that will treat you like a real woman whom you can grow to love and appreciate much more than your current husband.

2006-12-22 10:08:55 · answer #6 · answered by honey 4 · 0 0

Loosing the baby is nether the Mother or Father's fault.
He really should not blame you for that!
Maybe you need to talk with about loosing the baby. Men don't always talk about their feelings, 'coz it hurts too much.
Maybe try to find a way to talk to him about this. And also say you love him and sex is apart of marriage. And you feel something missing..

2006-12-22 10:05:41 · answer #7 · answered by ~ Ruchira~ 2 · 4 0

You need couples counseling, most marriages can't last without intimacy at least. Maybe not necessarily intercourse but intimacy. He's probably afraid if you have sex then you might get pregnant again which could cause him pain. He really need to grieve properly or your marriage could have more trouble then just lack of sex. I hope everything works out for you.

2006-12-22 11:09:09 · answer #8 · answered by Angee D 2 · 1 0

It sounds as though he is scared of repeating the same trajedy. So instead he does not engage in that which could bring about another child. He should really seek counseling, Maybe he is dealing with failure issues. But he should really talk to someone.

2006-12-22 10:07:10 · answer #9 · answered by Rochelle 2 · 2 0

my suggestion is, both of you seek physiological concealing, there are underling issues that need to be brought to the surface. sex is very much a part of marriage, without all the parts how can you expect it to survive. your husband needs to do some soul searching.,

2006-12-22 10:13:50 · answer #10 · answered by jh452004 2 · 1 0

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