My boyfriend has a persistent problem of going out after work drinking with his buddies and not telling me until he's very late coming home. I told him this bothers me because every day he gets home he's too tired from work to spend any time with me, but if his friends invite him out he's got more than enough energy. I also explained that I'm at home all day every day and that I would enjoy going with him, but only if he wants me there. Today he called me telling me that a girl at work that he doesn't know is transfering jobs and she wants him and others from work to go to the bar and celebrate. He said "So I don't get in trouble, I'm calling to let you know that I'm going....did you want to go?" I asked if he was inviting me just because he didn't want to get in trouble or if he actually wanted me to go. He said "a little of both" He explained that he doesn't care if I'm there or not he's just inviting me because he "knows" that if he doesn't I'll be mad. Should I go or do I get mad?
2006-12-22 09:56:39 · 21 answers · asked by Vixen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he's doing it now, it will only get worse. Trust me! I dated a man for a year and a half and he did the same thing. I was only around 21, and married him. We have been married for 15 years, but for the first ten years it was a nightmare with him going out, staying out , drinking, etc. We have a ten year old daughter and a 3 year old son. About 5 years ago, I had enough and filed for a divorce. We were seperated for 9 months. That did "wake him up" and he doesn't do it anymore and is a wonderful dad. But after you go through that for that many years, you lose a lot of love and respect for your partner that you may never get back. We are still together, but some feelings just never come back. Don't put yourself through that because he won't change. It took mine losing his family and child before he realized he needed to grow up, but I don't know if I'll ever truly be happy. I still pray about it and I'm trying to do the right thing, but it's hard sometimes. You don't deserve to be treated like that, and you better put a stop to it today.
2006-12-22 10:07:42 · answer #1 · answered by gabby5 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough one. Don't get mad. But what did you expect from him? Now every time you are going to ask yourself the same question... Does he really want me here or is he trying to pacify me so he doesn't get in trouble? If he really wanted you there he would have asked you a long time ago. So the question is now do you go and sort of ruin his night by being there or not go and piss him off? Piss him off because you made a big deal out it and now he has invited you to go and you say no. But a least he is being honest when he told you why he invited you to go. The choice is yours. Get out of the house and try to have fun or sit at home knowing you could have gone. So if it were me I would take the chance to get out of the house and go. Don't make a big deal out of going. Just go. HAVE FUN.
2006-12-22 10:14:27 · answer #2 · answered by meg10_82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go! Regardless of his motivation in asking you, don't read deep into it and just go and have fun with him. Give him a reason to want to be with you. If you're negative or nagging, he'll just go further away. Or he'll stay close and resent you for it. Either way, it won't be a good deal for either one of you. If he has a problem with alcohol, let him deal with that and you go to al-anon because you are powerless over his drinking. You should take your focus off of him and develop your own interests, doing things you enjoy and get a life of your own. This doesn't mean to turn your back on him or the relationship. It's just that two people need to remain individuals even when their with someone. If he senses that you're happy with yourself and your life, maybe he'll want to be with you rather than feel like he has to be with you.
2006-12-22 10:04:48 · answer #3 · answered by 2sweet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't go.. you'll just feel uncomfortable cuz he'll be with his friends/ co-workers and he already said he just asked so you wouldn't get mad at him..
Go to dinner or the movies with your friends, don't wait up for him like that~ Just do your own thing, have fun. There's no reason why you should make him a priority when he's only making you an option
2006-12-22 10:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by sxylilcinderella 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you should dump him. It sure does seem that he's playing the field. If he really cared for you, he'd be at home with you, instead of partying every night. Find someone else who is willing to spend some quality time with you. You shouldn't need an appointment to do that. Best of luck to you, and Merry Christmas.
2006-12-22 10:03:42 · answer #5 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Honey: I hate to tell you but I think he just gave you your walking papers in a not so way. He just told you your wanted around, if you want to stay but, not necessarily if he wants you to stay.
I would seriously rethink my position with him and wonder if maybe there's another, better person out there. Afterall, does he think every time he punches out, your going to have to wait until he feels like coming home, to rewarm his dinner and then be nice to him. Come on Sweety, wake up and smell the roses, he just chucked you out.
2006-12-22 10:04:26 · answer #6 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are asking US to tell you how YOU feel!!!
If you feel mad, be mad. If don't feel mad done be mad.
Your boyfriend is trying to include you so go out with him and see if you and him like including you in his group of friends. You might find it boring or you might become the life of the group. There is only one way to find out for sure.
2006-12-22 10:05:06 · answer #7 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that ur bf needs to get his priorities straight, and he ahould call u, and u ahould go to the bar and get a little mad later, bc i think that he really doesn't care about u as much as he may say he does and u should try addressing it in a calm, nice way if u want this relationship too work out.
2006-12-22 10:00:43 · answer #8 · answered by onetwothree 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GO!!! You should be mad if he didnt invite you at all after you told him how you feel. and then you need to stop what he is doin bc if it leads to marriage and kids he will continue to go out instead of goin home to his wife and chidlren... then he will wantt o sleep late bc he went out and instead of waking up together as a family, he will be sleeping while you are up with the kids... so go with him and then STOP THIS BEHAVIOR
2006-12-22 10:00:47 · answer #9 · answered by maria p 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a b astard. He's cheating on you. He already knows he's in trouble because his guilty conscience is trying to make you out to be the bad one here. I say have some fun with it.. keep acting like you don't have a clue and just make his life miserable until you're ready to burst his bubble. Merry Christmas!
2006-12-22 10:40:29 · answer #10 · answered by supernaturaldj2000 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋