Im gay and I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months, but nobody really knew he was gay. Now his step dad, football mates and mates at work have either found out or started gossiping about him and he has said he wants to go on a break. I know he is stressed with uni work and he is doing longer shifts at his job but i cant help but feel he is going to end it with me and is just trying to soften the blow. He has said its just untill after new year but he just needs time to sort himself out. I have asked him what about if he decides what he wants and it isnt me, and he said he really hopes it isnt but he just doesnt know what will happen yet. I feel so down, i have really fallen for him big time, but just dont have a clue what to do? Im not going to see him, or even be able to speak to him over the phone, which i think is what makes my instinct say its over between us. Any advice would be much appreciated.
2006-12-22 09:29:00 · 15 answers · asked by Marky Mark 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You have to let him go and sort this out, you aren't going to enjoy spending time with him if he is just doing it because he knows you want to stay together. Try to forget about it for now, he could just need some time to realise that he really needs you.
However, if he does decide you're not meant to be then you will have to try and find a way to accept it just try not to think about it for now as you don't know whether or not it will happen yet and there is no point in getting yourself really upset about it.
He's probably just in shock as everyone knows know and he wasn't prepared for everyone finding out. He may feel OK after a while.
Keep yourself busy over Christmas, maybe offer to do extra jobs to take your mind off it or something for now.
2006-12-22 09:34:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your bf is still in the closet then it seems that, although he has embarked on a relationship with you, he is now having doubts about his orientation. This doubt is unlikely to be a direct response to your love for him.
You suggest that his family and friends are beginning to "question" his sexuality but you do not say how this is affecting your relationship as a couple or whether or not his family/friends are responding negatively to him. Perhaps you need to reassure him that you are there for him regardless and that being gay is not wrong.
Given the time of year, his studies and long working hours, your bf is going to be under increasing and competing pressures and will need your love and understanding. Be there for him, speak to him, allow him to voice his feelings without the fear of judgment from you. Do not give up your love for him and do not accept that he is unable to have contact with you during his "break".
Good luck.
2006-12-23 01:53:03 · answer #2 · answered by paul h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all don't draw any premature conclusions. If you drew the wrong one you could end up driving a wedge between the two of you which is the last thing you want to do. Your bf is dealing with a difficult situation and he needs some time and space to work things through. The best thing you can do if it's possible is let him know that you are there for him if he needs you. Then let him make the next move. Meanwhile you don't mope. You take good care of yourself. Good luck.
2006-12-22 10:06:48 · answer #3 · answered by Seeker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not that sure but I think if he genuinely cared for you he'd feel the same regardless how much time passed. I'd see this as a test as to whether he really loves you. If he doesn't, then it wasn't the relationship you thought it was.
It sounded like he got outed before he was ready. Maybe he's in shock right now because everyone knows and he didn't have time to get emotionally ready for it.
2006-12-22 09:33:10 · answer #4 · answered by kickbutt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should watch out for your own feelings first. If you have fallen for him it will make things hard. He is probably under stress dealing with his sexuality and his "friends" taunting him about it now. I do not like the "time off" scenario because those usually do not end well. I would say go with what would make you comfortable and happy, not what will satisfy him. If he does decide to keep his sexuality underwraps it may harm the relationship further when you want to make it public and he may not.
(Sidenote) Men who are not comfortable with themselves will not be comfortable in any situation that takes them off-guard.
Take care of yourself first and always, pain will always hurt no matter how it comes to be. Strength in yourself will make it okay.
That sounded awful and philisophical, so let me add this. I hope everything works out for you, but if not take it out in a hot display of passion with another person.
2006-12-22 09:38:04 · answer #5 · answered by The Gay Argentian Seal 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It seems that he was "outed" before he was ready to accept it. Right now he is overwhelmed and confused about what to do. Let things be for a bit and allow him time to get things in order for himself. Don't be too pushy on him, whatever you do! Offer an ear, if you think he may want to talk, if not, do not press it. Just allow a little time to pass and see how things go.
If you push too much, you may end up ending it yourself.
2006-12-22 09:41:59 · answer #6 · answered by Spectraguy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mark, I think you know in your heart, that it is not you he is rejecting, but his own sexuality. Of course this makes no difference to the rejection you feel, and I am really sympathetic; you're suffering because if his inability to accept his gayness and therefore his love for you.
Take Care of yourself and have the best Christmas you can under the circumstances. And if he doesn't come back to you, just remember, it is not you he has rejected, it is his sexuality.
2006-12-22 09:38:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This must be difficult for you. There are many support groups for gays coming out and lots of info on the net. Type 'coming out gay' into Google and lots of links will come up.
Good luck
2006-12-22 21:57:29 · answer #8 · answered by Adam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't despair. It aint over til it's over.
If it isn't over you'll have worked yourself up over nothing. and pressing him for an answer will probably drive him away.
If it is over then living with the illusion over Christmas will keep you from being a total no go area with your friends and family
2006-12-22 10:22:23 · answer #9 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need Ann Landers.Sooner or later everybody will know .Come out of the closet.Dont be a wimp.Are you ashamed of it ? The sooner you tell them the sooner they stop gossiping.your boyfriend is an unreliable partner . He does'nt have the guts to come clean .Chances are he is using you for good times only.
2006-12-22 10:39:06 · answer #10 · answered by Shark 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋