should I stay friends with my friend who married my ex?

Question

I had a friend on and off for 20 years who ended up marrying my old high school boyfriend. I stayed friends with her and even got together on doubledates with them with my husband. SHe always called to complain to me about how she hated this and that and if she had the money she would leave him.(she lived with him for 7 years)then she became pregnant with his baby and they were then going to get married. she basically wanted her kid to have his last name. then she asks me to be in the wedding. This was just too much/too weird for me. I didn't approve of her marrying him. I do not like how he treats her. So I mailed her a kind letter wishing her well and explained to her that I could not be in her wedding and that I hoped she understood. She never wrote back, never called me. she show at my house a year later with baby and husband like nothing ever happened. I couldn't talk with her then, she left and told my husband"I hope its worth 25 years of friendship!" what does that mean?

Answer 1

Sounds like she wants you friendship only when she wants it, NO WAY, Friendship is a two way not one sided. Look for new friends, she is not yours

Answer 2

It may mean that the friendship which she had with you is in jeapordy and she knows it. It could mean that she feels the friendship she had with you is lost since she feels you no longer consider her a friend of long standing. In other words she knows you don't approve of her marrying your ex and having a baby and feels she has lost your friendship because of this marriage. Don't you think that your long standing friendship is worth keeping and salvaging despite the fact that she married your ex? Why let what she did bother you since it doesn't have anything to do with you but just your ex? Why should you care if she marries your ex or not? I wouldn't but I would not let anything like that come between me and my good friend of 20 years. Why should you? Give her the benefit of the doubt and forget what happened and start renewing your friendship.

Answer 3

She thinks you are pi**ed off at her. Therefore the remark. It's not up to you to approve of anyone marrying anyone, ex or otherwise. She was also wrong for not talking to you for a yr because you weren't in her wedding. If she was worried about "25 yrs. of friendship" she would have reamained in contact for the last yr. I wouldn't worry over it too much. Doesn't sound like you and she are that close. A close friendship would survive more than this.

Answer 4

you guys need to sit down and hammer this out. Nothing will improve with you sending letters or messages to one another; there need to be a dialogue. At the end of it, you might still have a friend, you might not. However, if you don't make an effort to explain exactly why you feel how you feel, and give her the chance to say the same, you guys won't be friends. She was probably hurt that you weren't in her wedding, and she wants to understand why.

You guys need to sit down together, and talk it out. Bottom line.

Answer 5

No move on... She shouldn't have hooked up with your ex- in the first place. What kind of friend is that? Certain things "friends" just don't do. I'm not saying be catty about it. But they made a bad decision and you don't have to play the middle man. When he has a problem he is going to feel like he can come to you and "talk about it" over drinks and in bed and she is going to do the same thing if you let her in your bed. I say distance yourself. He was likely cheating on you with her - In his mind he was thinking about a 3-some. Let it go they sound like two losers, get yourself together and move on. If she was really a good friend call her ever few years - she sounds self destructive and she will only get you caught up in her mess. Stay friends but from a different state.

Answer 6

She's chosen him and your approval isn't necessary for thier relationship.

The question is: Is there value in that relationship for you? If so, continue the relationship. If not, then don't.

You're married too, so (unless there was cheating or unethical behavior) I don't see how her marrying your hs boyfriend was bad or a conflict. With 25 years behind you, I'm sure it's more complicated that the above, really only you can make this choice.

Answer 7

She is basically telling you that she was wondering if you think that 25 years of friendship was worth ending like this.

Answer 8

IT IS YOUR DECISION TO MAKE WHETHER TO STAY FRIEND WITH HER. I CAN'T SEE WHY YOU COULDN'T IF THIS WAS JUST A H.S. BOYFRIEND. IF THERE WERE NO LOVE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. I KNOW I COULDN'T BE FRIEND WITH ANYONE THAT MARRIED MY EX BOYFRIEND, BECAUSE I LOVED HIM AND ALWAYS WILL.THIS GOES BACK MANY YEARS AGO. I MARRIED ANOTHER MAN AND HAD TWO CHILDREN. I THINK YOU CAN HAVE TWO LOVES. I KNOW I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND I THINK I STILL LOVE THE OTHER GUY, IT MIGHT BE DIFFERENT IF I WAS REALLY REINTRODUCED TO HIM.I WOULD LIKE THAT TO HAPPEN TO SEE IF THE SAME FEELING WOULD STILL BE THERE.

Answer 9

Wow...you sure are a nice friend! I married a man who was a friend's ex..(I know I will get thumbs down for that one)...but I asked her permission prior to even a date! She said she was fine with it and I never talked to her about him. After a year, she was no longer ok wiht it.

I think she is taking advantage of your friendship. If you were ok with the ex and her together, that is one thing. To rub your nose in it, well, that is another thing!

He is probably your ex because you were too smart to stick with the jerk. In my case, she cheated on him, so ....

Answer 10

OUCH!!! Ive been in a situtaion similar to yours. Its the worst feeling in the world to have such a good friend date an old ex. I think you did well. Its a shame how men can tear frienships apart.