How can I change the way I feel about people?

Question

All the time I was at school I was bullied everyday. Because of this I started hating everybody. Now I spend my life alone not trusting anyone. In fact the only reason I haven't gone mad about this is the support of my family and being on Yahoo! Answers. How can I change how I think about people and start trusting again. Because if I don't change now I am going to be this really lonely old person. And I don't want to end up like that.

Answer 1

Oh, sweetie, you've already started to. You took the first step or two all on your own. First, you realized it's a problem. Second, you acknowledge that you have folks who love and support you, both your family and us here on Yahoo! Answers. All you need to do is continue convincing yourself (either alone, with help, with professional therapy help or whatever it takes!) that those people who bullied you were a very limited number of people out of the whole giant number of people in the world, AND that those people who bullied you did so because they had and have serious problems of their own. Maybe you should study up on the problem of bullying and see what all is behind it. It's very sad, actually. When you come to where you understand them, maybe even pity them, perhaps you will be less resentful of the treatment you suffered at their hands. Perhaps. And, at the very least, you will cease to take it personally. It soooooo had nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. I'll bet you could even get some people online who had previously bullied others (maybe here or in a themed chat room) to tell you about what was going on in their lives that made them that way and how they over came it or how they feel about it now that they look back on it. Much luck is wished to you in dealing with this. You are going to do great!

Answer 2

I was miserable in high school, but when I got to college, I met people who were interested in the same things I was for the first time in my life. It was such a difference.

I think there's something about adolescence that can make people mean and stupid, and when they grow up, some of that goes away. So, you might start in your heart by forgiving those people. (-: You don't actually have to *contact* any of these folks for this to work -- just recognize that they were young and didn't know what they were doing. Forgive them, and let the past be in the past.

Next, get some books about interpersonal relations. Since you were bullied, you probably didn't get a chance to practice your social skills. Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a classic. There are other books out there that can show you a model of how to relate. Believe it or not, English as a second-language textbooks often have really good model conversations! (I learned how to interview for a job from one dialogue!)

Third, recognize that there are some people who are still messed up in their heads and self-involved. It's OK to avoid those people like poison. But also recognize that there are good people out there who are interesting and have things to say that you might want to listen to.

Finally, join some groups. This is really hard at first, and you can get stage fright. But remember, you can always quit. You don't want to be quitting every group in your life after three weeks, but at first, that's perfectly acceptable. Give your new friends a chance to develop, and remember if you have conflict with your new friends, it doesn't have to grow into bullying! Conflict, to a certain extent, is a normal part of relationships.

All it takes is a few good friends. There's an old saying that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet a prince, so give yourself as many chances as you can. Good luck!

Answer 3

Don't let past experiences sour you on the future, especially when those experiences are over and done with. School can be a social jungle where kids can be cruel and often prey on each other without good reason. I had to beat up a couple bullies so they wouldn't mess with me. But now that you're out of school, it's a new day, you're in a new game. Adults usually don't act they did in old school yards, and if they do, they just look like idiots and are now the ones who are ostracized. But you have get out and meet people, they won't come to you. Clubs, campuses, chat rooms, personals; their are a million ways to meet people in today's society. Just don't make the same mistake God did and sentence everyone in the future for what a few people did in the past.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I have a very similar past : I was a certain type of person, and the whole school I wound up moving in the area of was populated with a very different type, and they just decided they didn't like me. 'bout went mad of judgements and utter loneliness;just cruelty. I am a lot plder now lived a lot of it alone; and realizing that people are just plain entitled to their opinions, and I can choose to just stay out of the way of their opinions, even in public situations. I am not forced to see people day in and out like I was in school, and, as I am entitled to my own opinions too, I am also in possession of my choice as to whether I'm even going to let on what my opinion may be. I may act simply agreeable to someone I don't want to dissagree with, or to engage in what I feel is a backward conversation with. I just sometimes smile and say, "Yeah," to something I don't believe (or really care if the other person does), say something that I can say about them truthfully that is positive, and breeze by, keeping my own thought and peace of mind. But this IS America, and even we can't go 'round being pissed at everyone who is wrong, from our perspectie, of course.....

Answer 6

try to get rid of hate inside it will only bring you down. Never let hate be your friend its the biggest bully out. You don't have to like everything but try liking your surroundings. take time for yourself start by liking yourself how? go out and do something really good for someone else you will see what I mean love. meryy christmas and have a great life out there.

Answer 7

the power of now - eckhart tolle

this book helped me, you have to start loving yourself, enjoying your own company and think about what wonderful qualities another human being will like in you, you have been born and so you are a wonderful and whole creation, you have every right to be on this planet. don't let anyone tell you differently
i have a problem with people staring and have been very brave in trying to over come this.

Answer 8

theres nothing wrong with being picky when choosing friends. if you dont like the person then you dont like the person right? theres just not many persons in the world to trust. im sure you'll find that one person who you can trust and love, just keep an eye out for that person and dont even worry about becoming lonely.

Answer 9

By changing the way you feel about yourself.
Don't let there voices stay with u, u need to decontaminate the bad stuff and put in postive feelings

xxxx good luck

Answer 10

Just be optimistic, every time you see something bad about someone look extra hard to find two things good about them. You'll probably find that most people have a ton more good qualities than bad if you just try