What are my odds?

Question

I have heard of the three strikes and your out bit but “I love him”. We are engaged to be married in March. My biggest fear is that his bad side will present its self again. He has never hit me but has put him hands on me like pushing/grabbing. Now I’m not one to sit back and allow people to treat me like a rag doll but I truly believe we are meant to be. When he gets really mad it’s like I have to walk on egg shells just not to provoke him. What do you think the odds are he will explode again and get physical with me? Should I marry him knowing there is this possibility?

Answer 1

I would say the odds are good after you are married that you will be walking on egg shells most of the time. Additionally I think the violence will escalate.

Ask yourself if this guy is the role model you want your children to observe? The boys to imitate...and the girls to accept. In either case, this is how they will grow up thinking a woman should be treated.

My advice...call off the engagement until he gets anger management classes and you observe him for a couple of years. During that time, you may find someone deserving of your love and that will love you back without violence.

Answer 2

Unless there are some serious changes in his lifestyle and outlook on life, I don't think he will change into a gental care bear or monastic monk. Every relationship is different though and chances are you dont want him to change too much because you like him how he is. But, no relationship is the same and there are give and takes on both sides. The question is, are you willing to spend your life with a guy you feel compatible even though he flips out and is realy ugly other times. Personaly I say you move on and find a good guy without the temper. you want to get married, for financial reasons? religious or personal reasons? if he treats other people this way too, ask them what they do to tame his rage. if he only does it to you, maybe you can get him to take it out in bed with some crazy stuff. otherwise, I bet you could do better.

Answer 3

Sweetie, as one who has been through an abusive marriage, I am not asking but BEGGING you to leave. Spare yourself the inevitable cracked ribs, broken noses and black eyes. This man is a walking time bomb...he has already demonstrated that by laying hands on you.
PLEASE put your marriage on hold. If the two of you can make progress in counseling and he is on his best behavior for a year, then perhaps marriage is a possibility in the future. But March is right around the corner. If he refuses counseling, saying that there's nothing wrong with the relationship, just end it right now.
I know this is easy for me to say...I'm not the one who's in love with the man. But I realized that I stayed in an abusive marriage as long as I did because I didn't respect mySELF. Now I look back and wonder, What in the %#@* was I thinking!!!
Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

No, do not marry him. If you marry him you are basically telling him you are his to do whatever he wants to do. He will eventually hit you and make your self esteem so low that you will not have the courage to fight back. You have a chance now to live, if you marry him you may not. He could hurt you so bad that you won't be able to have children and then beat you again when he wants them and you can't have them. Or if you have kids he'll beat you because they are on his nerves. He may even strike out at the kids. Please find someone that will treat you like a princess. Don't, DON"T MARRY HIM !!!!!

Answer 5

if u can see all this now and u say u are afraid the bad side will present itself again, than don't marry him. the best way to tell a future is to look at the past. if he gets ugly when things don't go his way or under stressful situations, chances of it happening again are good. bail out and run as fast as u can away.who wants to walk on egg shells your entire life. he has an anger problem.

Answer 6

My fiance has a horrible temper...horrible...and yes, I make him mad a lot, but never in the time we have been together has he threatened to hit me, has he touched me violently or even made an attempt in any way shape or form.

He's not meant for you, you need to leave. Otherwise, it'll start out small pushes and shoves and as time passes, it'll get worse.

Answer 7

Sorry, but the odds are 100% that this WILL happen again...and again.DO NOT marry this person unless he gets some MAJOR anger management counseling. Please don't walk into this situation with blinders on when you have already said he's pushed/grabbed you before. And please, get some counseling yourself, so that you don't find yourself drawn to the same kind of people over again. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

Of course he will explode, and yes he will get physically violent with you. If you get married knowing that, you have no one to blame but yourself when it happens. He will alienate your freinds and family in an effort to keep you with him and under his control. The fact that it is called a cycle of violence should be an indication that it doesn't just stop... it keeps going around faster and faster.

Answer 9

Honey, wake up and smell the coffee......why on earth would you want to spend your life being afraid of the person that is supposed to be your protector. You need to seriously rethink getting married to him. Maybe you should talk to someone who you really trust and honor their opinion. Someone who cares about you. And don't just go looking for someone who will just tell you what you want to hear. This is a life decision you are making and you need to be dead sure he is going to be the right man.

Answer 10

The signs of abuse are there. The tension of preparing for a wedding or getting married may be giving him second thoughts, but they are no excuse for hurting anybody. It sounds like this guy isn't ready to cherish and honor yet.