i think my husband had an affair so i asked the women i think he cheated with. Is this crazy?

Question

Almost a year ago when my husband was in iraq i found an e-mail that was to a female solider telling her about his job and schedule changing. he said see you later sweetheart. i conforonted him and he said everyone babyed her and i was like just saying oh she a sweeheart not romantically, but he never called anyone sweetheart besides me. EVER! So i started to thik aybe something was going on i tried to put the worries aside and trust my husband. he was never really one to lie, but it has been 10 months and i still think about it. so i contacted the womenand asked he to please explain to me what was going on back then and if her and my husband had anything going on. I urged her to tell me the truth, but it this crazy to do. She could say yes and i'd know my marriage was over, or she'll say no but can i believe it. i think i could. i just want to stop worrying.

Answer 1

I think your making to much of it. According to what you're saying your husband sound like a great guy; give him the benefit of the doubt. Don't jump to conclusions. I think in a relationship should be trust. If you don't have that, then what do you have, nothing. You can tell most of the times when a guy is cheating and he doesn't sound that he might be. If you really thing he's cheating they are sings: Spending too much time on the net or while you are sleeping
The "Quick Click"Frantic mouse clicking when you enter the room. Lack of attention and/or affection towards
Acquires a pager or cellphone, becomes secretive with a pager. They become unavailable at work.
Work more "overtime"
Changes their day to day behavior
They don't want to talk about it
You catch them in small lies
They want to do less activities as a family
Clothes smell unusual or have stains
They beg to do their own laundry
Gas credit cards contain uncommon locations of gas stations
Becomes secretive with cell phone.
Look for long Unexplained payments on bank statements incoming calls at odd hours
Caller disconnects when you pick up the phone. But I have to say, that I think, he's not cheating on you. I think he love's you very much.

Answer 2

There is something much deeper going on and her telling you or not telling you isn't going to make a difference. You are not stupid. You know that there is something going on. The question is why? Why would he do it? Is it just b/c he was away and stressed out or is this an on-going issue with you guys? I don't think its right to cheat ever, but being in another county could definitely at least make it understandable if he did, and if that is what you truly believe would have been the case if he did cheat, then is it possible to just forgive him and forget it? If it is something that you think he would have done anyway, then I don't think you need proof from this woman that your marriage is over, b/c it wouldn't have been a marriage anyway. I guess my point is, she is never going to tell you if it happened, it could ruin her relationship, her military career, her reputation, etc. So I think if you truly feel something happened, you should trust your gut feeling. I am with you, its not appropriate or even likely that he was calling some woman sweetheart and giving her his schedule unless there was some kind of inappropriate relationship going on. Good luck!

Answer 3

If you must know, you can pick up a book called "Never be Lied to Again", I believe it's by a guy named David Leiberman. You can extract the truth from anybody using that book -- or at the very least know when you're being lied to.

Either way, you can stop worrying. Say he did have an affair; does it have to be the end of the marriage? I'm sure it gets lonely in a place like Iraq, and two lonely people come together, it's like they're both wearing beer goggles.

It would be devastating, yes, and a lot of marriages end because of it. However, it's possible to forgive and let time heal. It seems like some people forget that is an option.

Answer 4

So if he dies in Iraq you'll never know the answer..

If your husband isn't the lying type then why are you going to drive yourself crazy over this? Do you have any other proof except him calling this lady soldier sweetheart? I used to work in a male dominated environment (90% men 10% women), and almost all of them would call the few women in the office "honey, sweetheart, baby girl", etc, unless the woman in question was a manager-type. I wouldn't sweat it until he gets home. If he is acting shady then, maybe confront him on it. But watch out he may have PTSD then and if he doesn, I wouldn't say anything because you don't know if he'll freak out and do something really crazy.

Answer 5

As women we sort of have a gene for worrying its not even funny. We tend to worry or get nervous over little things thats just how we are built and thats wut makes us women and this differs us from guys! i mean i understand why u would be worried about this.but if u know ur husband so well u should try trusting him unless he did something that made u no longer trust him that much. this is a very touchy subject since i dont know u persoanlly or ur husband i cant tell what kind of person he really is but u should really stop worrying because worrying can lead u to other problems like loss of sleep and other things so try talking to him and if he denies try believing it u proibably convinced ur self not to believe it. i mean what if it were true if he did cheat then ur marriage would be over rite? but if u continue to wrry u will just not believe in ur own marriage and this could cause more problems. and the girl probably has nothing to hide and it wasnt that crazy just wait nd see what she says but always remember dont worry too much try thinking about other things. or keeping urself busy worrying never gets us anywhere. good luck and happy holidays!

Answer 6

Let's assume the answer is yes, is this a deal breaker for your marriage. And if yes, why?
She's married too?
Its been 10 months and it appears to be a major concern to only you. Stop worrying, has your husband made any indications that he wants to leave?
Do the same for Iraq that they do for Las Vegas!

Answer 7

Please take this advice. When your husband walked out the door he wasn't going to the bar, he was going to war. It's best to let that door stay closed and go forward with your life, your his wife, not his jailer. Divorce is the biggest nightmare I know. My former husband was in Viet-nam, he never talked about it and he was there 6 years but I know he had a STD from some old medical papers I found crammed in an old military book. He came home to me, it was never mentioned again and my health is fine. Sometime silence really is golden.

Answer 8

A lot of us males do this. It is a form of mild flirtation, but with no plans for meeting or anything of this nature. I have referred to some of them as darling and I never use that word elsewhere.
Every time I sign off from talking to one I say see ya later, see ya tonight, tomorrow, but in reality, we will NEVER actually see one another. I would just chalk it off as harmless communication and get on with your marriage and trust unless something concrete occurs RW NC

Answer 9

Gesh this is a hard one. It sounds to me your hubby is telling the truth and it was probably totally innocent, but I would sit him down and explain to him how this has made you feel. I mean if there had been more to the e-mail other than saying sweetheart to her I would worry but not just for that.

Answer 10

Regardless of the answer you get your gonna go crazy trying to figure out if they are lying or not. The only thing i can say is try to forget about it and just believe that they are only friends other wise you could end up with out your man. I know how hard it is i have been thru it.