Do you think this mother is trying to be competitive or is it just my imagination?

Question

There is a mother who has a baby around the same age as mine and we have been communicating with one another via email because our significant others are friends. Let me give you some examples of some of our correspondence and you can tell me if she sounds like she's being competitive or if I'm just reading into things because I'm having feelings of inferiority and jealousy or something...

I emailed that we've been pretty lucky in the diaper rash department... she emails back "My baby has not gotten a diaper rash at all. So happy!"

I email that we're switching to cloth diapers and she emails me back "Cloth diapers are a little messier and much more work for the parents, but a whole lot better for our environment. That is the main reason why I wanted to try them."

I email that I bought a book on how to make baby food at home and she emails back "I am definitley going to make my baby's food at home. It's soooo much cheaper and healthier."

What do you honestly think?

Answer 1

She seems to be agreeing with you on all points. Just sharing her experiences on the topics that you are bringing up. I wouldn't read anything else into it. Just sounds like to mom's using each other as a sounding board. Not a bad thing.

Answer 2

I don;t think she is being competitive per say. Its more that she wants to apear as a good mom. Also, its seems like she is trying to impress you and wants you to think she is a good mom ( escpecially since her husband and yours are friends). She obviously admires you but doesn't want it to seem like she is following your example. I know I do that sometimes ^_^. Just continue talking to her, I mean saying "Cloth diapers are a little messier and much more work for the parents, but a whole lot better for our environment. That is the main reason why I wanted to try them." probably sounds better than "good idea" to her or " I am doing the same too, its messy"

Maybe it would help her relax if you asked how SHE does something.

Answer 3

It doesn't sound like she's being competitive. One must be cautious in interpreting others intentions in emails over the internet. What should be done here is the same thing that we all neglect to do far too often-talk to her about what your feeling. ASK her if she's being competitive or if there's a problem. However, I would try a simple, friendly phone conversation first, then see if you feel the same way.

Answer 4

She sounds like she is in agreement with you. Copying you is a form of flattery you know. Could be you are right though and she is just plain competitive.

Try sending an email and say something like I am going to buy suspenders to hang the kids out to dry...what do you think? The fresh air is so good for them.

Sometimes when people come across to you like this though it is a sure sign they are the ones who are insecure. Take it with a grain of salt.

Answer 5

Maybe she's being competative, maybe she's just being nice and trying to find common ground and agree with you. It's kinda hard to tell in emials sometimes and without knowing the person and the rest of the emails. Maybe she truely agrees with you.

Maybe she was proud and happy that her child never had a diaper rash. but cloth diapers and homemade baby food are becoming more popular nowadays, maybe she was sincere.

Answer 6

I really don't think she's being competative at all. I think she's just trying to carry a conversation on something that she thinks you are interested in. And she is right in all of her points. I wouldn't take it personally. Motherhood can be so trying and our hormone levels make us all a little crazy at times. If you continue to feel this way about her, maybe you should just not email so much. There is no law that you have to communicate with someone you don't particularly care about just because your so's are friends. If you are feeling this way about her, she probably picks up those tones. Good Luck!

Answer 7

it doesnt seem to me that shs being competitive...maybe a copy cat.... and when youre talking about babies, everything another mom says sounds competitive, esp if you child is behind or isnt the same as th other baby- ie diaper rashes. its hard not to sound proud when your talking about your baby boy or girl and other parents take it as bragging or competition. just keep in mind that every baby is special to each parent.

Answer 8

Sounds like competition, which is pretty common between mothers, even when they don't really know that they are doing it. If you feel that you MUST remain in contact with this person, I would stop telling her things. If it's possible, stop communicating with her. It just adds stress to an already stressful life.

Answer 9

It is easy to think that she is being competitive, but she might be interestedin what you are doing. She might be the one with the complex and feeling inferior to you. She may want to hear what you are doing so she can take notes. Or she is jsut trying to be supportive. It can bereally hard to decide when your kids are involved.

Try to take what she says witha grain of salt, and if you really feel like it, talk to her about how you feel, even in a hypothetical situation.

Good luck

Answer 10

She sounds like a nice friend who has a lot of the same interests as you...I think you may have issues... I wouldn't read into it. I know how important it has been to me to have friends who are in the same stage of life as me...kids the same age, etc... so don't blow it 'cause you're feeling inferior. I'm sure she feels like a bad mom too sometimes.