I have recentally been gaining self confidence, but I have a hard time publically appearing "charming". Not in the way you would expect- I'm perfectly fine with my girlfriends in terms of comming out of my shell- but when im around guys I suddenly switch to the "oh no what are they going to think about me" mode- and I would most always flub up. Most of the time this ruins my potential with a person I have a very strong attraction to. Ive worked on the visualization techniques, the "not caring" nonchalance and the funny/recreational-oreinted personality, but for some reason, the emotions get the best of me and I become prey. I am a great person and have tons of self respect, but for some reason, in particular cases I feel that my footing has fallen out underneath me, and I almost alllllwayyyss appear needy and desperate and it just sucks any confidence I have out of me when the guy sees it and runs, and then it becomes a situation where I want to try again etc.HELP!
2006-12-22 07:48:12 · 7 answers · asked by katie 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I'm not reading all that!
2006-12-22 07:50:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you are trying to be someone you are not. Has some one hurt or abandon you at some point? It seems like you are trying to model yourself after people that you think that guys would like. Maybe Cameron Diaz... fun, athletic, cute, confident and sweet? You need to spend some time doing things that you enjoy and getting to know the person that you ARE. After you are comfortable in your own skin then you will not have to convey that to anyone because it will show because that is who you are. You are tripping over yourself because you are trying to hard project a person that you are not. In order for that to work you either have to be that person or be a good actor that can fool a guy into liking you for qualities that you don't have. I am sure you are a great girl with great qualities but you need some life experience and truths to show guys you are interested in. For example.... I always wanted to be a fun, spontaneous, adventurous girl. I was a wanna be for a while until i forgot about men and got out there and did the things i wanted to do. I went ski diving, rock climbing, traveled. Guess what, i met my husband shortly after that because i grew into my own personality and skin. Good luck and stop trying so hard. Don't be in such a hurry, the right one will come along that will love every trait you have.
2006-12-22 16:13:10 · answer #2 · answered by micah z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with needy and desperate if that is what you are. Using a technique to display yourself is wrong but we all do it. Most of us do it unselfconsciously, if you consciously do it that would explain why you are needy and desperate. Imagine someone getting into your life by pretending to be what they are not, you would not be happy with them.
I know of two very happy relationships where one partner is very dominant, is you really feel that you are needy or desperate then show it. There will be someone for you out there. Be yourself and maybe you will realise that you aren't as needy and desperate as you believe. Don't try to force yourself into a relationship it will scare any man away.
I suspect that you have read something somewhere, or been told by someone that you appear to be needy and desperate. Self confidence writers tell you what worked for them, it won't work for you unless you are a clone of them. The amateur psychologist out there are control freaks who spout phyco-babble at you and freak you out; are are in need of their own analysis and should be ignored
I've just read your question again and you sound nice and interesting, or interestinly nice to me.
2006-12-26 18:44:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First please dont read carnegies book of c,r,a,p,
Second the reason behind your behaviour around men is somewhere in your head or heart.....
Often girls learn at a very early age that being needy gets a man's attention.... often at about age three when every little flutter of the eyelids and "Can you help me...?" makes daddy jump...
Somewhere along the line the little girl learns that she can just be with Dad without needing him... he will still be there if she isnt needy...
I think maybe you missed part number two.... sadly lots of kids miss that part through an absence of dad in later childhood, some miss it because dad was so wound up in his work others because dad was wound up in his addiction.....
If you havent learnt part two..... ie. a man will be there even if you are not needy.... then you can bring your awareness to this fact by noticing the men around you... do you have a colleague or a boss that is a man? Is he at work when he is supposed to be? Is your doctor a man? or Dentist? are they there at their place of work even when you dont have an appointment.. ie even when you dont need him?
Start to bring you awareness to how men can still be there even when you dont need them....
2006-12-22 16:07:12 · answer #4 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should go for the man with potential looking slightly shy, out of place and dazed, he's probably in the same boat.
2006-12-29 19:59:29 · answer #5 · answered by dyslexic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read the book 'How to win friends & influence people' by Dale Carnegie. It's a good read & may help you.
2006-12-22 15:53:06 · answer #6 · answered by meko76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age and number you sound cute to me.
2006-12-22 15:50:56 · answer #7 · answered by felixtricks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋