Well I'm trying to decide when I should tell my daughter that my husband now is not her father? Or shouldnt I tell her? I don't know what to do...My husband has been in her life sence she was 1 1/2 years old. Right now she is 6 years old. He is the only one she knows as dad. She has never seen her real father. He is no where to be found. I've tried all I can. What should I do????
2006-12-22 07:40:41 · 19 answers · asked by the_girl_u_call_amanda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
6 is too early. myself i would wait until at least 12.
You do have to realize that telling her is going to have a tragic effect on her sense of self. It's very damaging in this stage of development when a child is just learning to reach out to others and be social to be told that she is not who she thinks she is.
2006-12-22 07:42:44 · answer #1 · answered by John C 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well ur daughter is only 6 years old, tell her when she is older she might handle it better. I mean ur daughter has to know the truth she deserves to know that the man she calls dad isnt her real dad, and if she finds out another way i think its going to be devastating so dont tell her right now since she is stil very young tell her when she is a little older and understands more things so she can handle it, but no matter what u need to tell her. i hope this helps. good luck and happy holidays
2006-12-22 07:46:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Dear =)
Why are you trying to find this person??
I would look at this as an extreme disservice to both your daughter and your husband.
I would tell your daughter when and if she ever asks.......
Like for example, if their last names aren't the same, one day she will ask you why.....then explain to her that a long time ago, she used to have a different daddy, but he left. Once that thought is in her mind, she may or may not ask you further questions about him.
Otherwise, I would wait until some other choice opportunity comes up....children ask a lot of questions, and at some point, one of them will be the proper lead-in to the matter.
Your view that your husband is NOT her father, however, is not correct. He IS. He just is not her genetic male parent.
Namaste,
--Tom
2006-12-22 07:48:35 · answer #3 · answered by glassnegman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i know what your goin through the only difference is My lil girls dad is in her life somewhat.. He see's her when it benifits him.. She dont know him as Daddy she only knows him by his name an thinks he is a friend of the family.. She is 2, the reason for this is cause he walked away when i was 7 months along an said she wasn't his so the guy i started dating after that signed the Birthcertificate an said she was his.. Im not goin to tell my lil girl us less she ask me, i think the man that is takin care of her an the only daddy she knows is good enough.. But if ur Husband is ok with you tellin her tell her when u feel she is ready
2006-12-22 07:59:28 · answer #4 · answered by pruittsgurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just in my opinion, I would tell her as soon as you can. I think that the sooner she knows, then later on when she is older she won't think she was "lied" to (even though you are protecting her she may still think that way). But you are her mom, and you have the best instincts for your child. I know I would tell my daughter as soon as she could understand, but that is just me. What does your husband think?? Another thing to consider is: if she wants to know who her real father is, would you be ok with telling her, or letting her see him?? Hope this helps a little. Good luck!!
2006-12-22 07:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Sodas♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to discuss this between the two of you. And then decide, this would be very dependent upon her emotional maturity. And be prepared when you do tell her she is going to have a great deal of questions about her father, and she may want to go in search of him. Don't give her more baggage then she is able to handle. She is very young and he is the only father that she knows. So you really need to give this some thought. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-22 07:44:13 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave well enough alone. If she hasn't got questions don't provide answers.
If you have exhausted all efforts to find the father, yet no information has turned up you are better off not saying anything until it does, if it does.
I don't think it would matter to a 6 year old anyway; she would not understand all the complexities. (And no, I am not saying your child isn't smart enough but the it would be a bit much for her to grasp true understanding.)
Tell her if she begins to ask questions or when she is older.
2006-12-22 07:52:07 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to explain to her that her real dad is not in her life and the man that you married adopted her as his own daughter. Your daughter has a right to know of her biological dad, because there are his parents who are missing out on the growth of your beautiful daughter. You need to explain that to her now so that she has a chance to get used to the idea instead of later and she becomes a angry young woman. Always catch them when they are young.
2006-12-22 07:58:10 · answer #8 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's best to tell her as early as she could possibly understand. At 6 years old she can understand with very simple language and when she is older she can handle more detail. You can explain to her with pictures for example. Draw pictures of the family as it started and how it is now. At any age she deserves your honesty and I would hate for a kid to go through their entire childhood feeling as if she had been decieved.The less understanding she will feel the longer you wait.
2006-12-22 07:53:58 · answer #9 · answered by Bonita Applebaum 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait until she's older and has a better understanding of relationships. Then, explain that while another man is her biological father, the man her raised her is her dad.
2006-12-22 08:33:40 · answer #10 · answered by detlefren 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋