In other words, how much leeway are you supposed to give a person to be human, be themselves, do their own thing and make their own mistakes, work through their addictions or whatever... And when is it appropriate to say, "I'm sorry, I don't want to live this way"?
2006-12-22 07:38:46 · 16 answers · asked by charleston chew 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am going through this exact same thing right now ... I love someone dearly and this person is not exactly perfect for me. I guess what you need to consider is can you talk to your partner about the behavior? Can it be changed? If not, can you change or live with the behavior? Myself, I am in doubt right now. It is all about values and what you expect from a partner. Is there someone out there that you can be more compatible with? Can you continue being with a person that has behavior traits that are not in sync with your beliefs? Something only you will come to figure out.
I assume your partner has addictions (possibly alcohol or drugs) that is interfering with what you consider to be a good relationship. I am dealing with that issue myself.
I have posted many questions regarding my relationship and have received great insight - it has helped me understand who I am dealing with and who I am as a person. It is also helping me get the insight I need to make a decision my relationship.
If you want to chat or have questions, please do not hesitate to call me.
2006-12-22 07:48:02 · answer #1 · answered by allyinminneapolis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Assuming that the actions or behaviors are legal, I think that what is acceptable and what is unacceptable differs depending on the person...there is not an obvious this is right and this is wrong line...what you can accept may not be acceptable to others...and the action that you feel is unacceptable may be perfectly fine for others....
So, i think it is really up to you...to your beliefs and to your thoughts about what you would accept as a normal part of humans...and what you won't accept and see as something you can't live with...
The answer to your question lies within you...your beliefs and your personal preferences indicate what you can or cannot take...
(But i also think that when you are in love, you give too much leeway...even if you previously thought that such behavior was unacceptable)
2006-12-22 15:44:59 · answer #2 · answered by Need Help! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When their behavior begins to affect your life and your well-being, it's no longer a flaw, but rather an unacceptable behavior that needs to be dealt with, and possibly by a professional.
Sure, you are suppose to accept the flaws of your partner. Support them when they're weak. Help them get over their addictions.
2006-12-22 15:42:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
flaws are mistakes or wrongdoings that occur once. not over and over again. however, in order to be considered a flaw, it should not cause pain or suffering to someone else,but the individual. if it is a continious thing, it's not a flaw. it is a character trait. so where do you draw the line. when you start compromising yourself and making excuses for it in order to be with that person. when you refuse to accept to listen to that voice in your subconcious that tells you enough. have you had enough. do you feel trapped. do you feel like you're playing the role of the adult and the child refuses to change his/her behavior. when do you get out. today, and not a moment later
2006-12-22 15:46:14 · answer #4 · answered by sassy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you love someone, you accept them for who they are, if you can't live with that, then you need to break it off. But you also have to ask yourself if you are a 100% acceptable person.
We can't go through a relationship thinking we can change people to meet out standards.
If you love someone so much that being away from them for a moment is overwelming, then you have to be willing to accept them for who they are, not who you want them to be.
If that is not acceptable enough for you, then break up the relationship and go buy a blow up doll.
There is no perfect relationship. We learn to find that balance, that's all we can do.
2006-12-22 15:57:23 · answer #5 · answered by freakyforjesus 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Acceptance is DOES NOT mean you roll over and accept things that are harmful to you or any one else. If you are in a relationship with an addict confronting the behavior is tough love. contact alanon in your community. attend a few different meetings and find one tha is a fit for you. This will help you.. Learn to "detach" from the disease..
2006-12-22 15:45:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can make that decision. If you feel you have tried everything possible and just nothing has helped then I would say it is time------------if you have tried to help someone say with an alcohol or drug problem and it has not worked, then I would say that the person you have been trying to help has NOT HIT BOTTOM and have ASKED for help, and until such a person ask for help then you have basically in a good hearted loving way helped wasted your time and efforts trying to help.
2006-12-22 15:47:52 · answer #7 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When their behavior becomes harmful to them, you or others on a mental or physical level.
Or when you become an enabler or co-dependant sponser of their behavior. This would be the time when you should, check the situation with a quickness and move on.
2006-12-22 15:45:46 · answer #8 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it becomes unacceptable when they are no longer a productive member in the family. It is also unacceptable when they become a danger to themselves and those around them physically, legally, and emotionally.
2006-12-22 16:08:29 · answer #9 · answered by elephantfun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the point you can't do it anymore. For every person that point is different. If you feel you have done all you can do, and accepted everything you can and they haven't fixed themselves, then you need to take care of you.
2006-12-22 15:45:29 · answer #10 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋