My wife told me she doesn't love me anymore how could she be so cruel?

Question

My wife has told me she doesn't love me anymore. She says she hasn't for years she has just been trying to be a good wife.
We met 12 years ago and married in 99. She had two tiny kids who I have raised as my own. I married her and did not father any children to take care of her and hers. I helped her get through school and get a great career from a poor single mother to a 2600 sqft house.
I had no idea until recently. A year ago she told me I needed to show her I loved her more. Ever since I have done things like love u emails, flowers left in her car, presents at work etc. I have never EVER cheated on her in any way.
She wants me to stay for the now teenage kids and she likes having sex with me. I am her f-buddy and financial partner now. She swears she never cheated and I believe her. She says I did nothing wrong and was a perfect husband.
My heart is in shreds. I can barely go out in public without crying or even vomiting.
Why would she do this to me?
:(

:(

Sorry to repost the question it's just all I can think about.

Please don't call her names I love her. She says she knows that.

No I am always showing her I love her. Telling her. Doing funny things to make her laugh. Public displays. She doesn't doubt I love her she says I always made her feel loved.

Answer 1

She had a good racket going.. you took care of her kids, put her thru college, helped her get a career, but yet she doesn't think you love her enough? This woman will never be pleased. She knows you are a "good investment" so she will not give that up. If you continue to support her, she will continue to use you while keeping you emotionally tied to her by telling you that she indeed does care about you. She doesn't. She cares about herself and making sure she's okay. I hope you find a good woman one day who can appreciate you for what you've done for her.. you are the type of caring man that not a lot of women have in their lives, but always wish for, and now you'll be ruined because this woman hurt you. I would say be extremely careful in the future and watch your back at all times.. you have an invisible sign on your forehead that says "SUCKER" on it, and only people who use other people can see it.

Answer 2

Why would she do this to you, because you allow it. Stop feeling sorry for your self. A Good Wife, With words like that what constitutes a Bad Wife? How good is she trying to be, with Words that cut into the depths of your soul ?

The truth of the matter is you were and still is good to have around for a few of her needs. If your happy with the fact that she is using you to get what she wants then stay and keep your mouth shut. If not the stand up for your self, don't you think you deserve someone who feels about love, the way you do ? I mean she reduced you to nothing more then a nanny for the kids and a f buddy, oh yeah lets not forget meal ticket and bill payer where is your self respect and self esteem? She doesn't need to cheat, there are no heart felt feelings for you. All I hear is what she needs, more of.
it would be consider cheating if you were both in the same relationship ... It's not a relationship...This is a one way ticket for Misery.. ...
Now pick your feelings off the floor come up with a plan to move on and find the Love Your So Deserving Of. Or suck it up and Stay. This is the worst kind of abuse ever... And it wouldn't hurt for her to get counseling....

Answer 3

Oh, I feel for you and am so sorry! I went through this with my live-in ex, except it was I who who was told after two years of us planning our future together, he simply didn't love me anymore.It tore me to pieces--during the years we were together, I put every ounce of my heart and soul into the relationship, and we had planned a beautiful marriage and even discussed what the names of out kids would be....at first he told me he loved me at least three tiems a day, and would say over and over how much he wanted to be married to me....after time, we started bickering more often though as I found it more and more difficult to please him. After a big fight one day, he admitted he had stopped loving me a year ago and was was just going along with the status quo all that time because I was helping to pay the rent and was a convenient bed buddy. I was so devastated and betrayed at this who I thought was my soulmate that I tried to commit suicide by overdosing on over the counter meds, which was stupid I know. (I was taken to ER and underwent a psych program and somewhat "recovered." )That happened in '04, and even though I am with a new loving boyfriend, I still feel the pain sometimes, and it affects my ability to trust his words when I have "heard this all before." The truth is sometimes you can do everything for someone, but there is just something inside them that prevents them from giving or feeling emotionally in return. I think some people just cannot be pleased, by anyone--they are continiuously wanting more, searching for some kind of perfection that does not exist, not because they haven't found the right person, but because they cannot find happiness/satisfaction within themselves first.

Answer 4

I'm sure when you got together there was something between the two of you. You can try the counseling but unless you both want to make a marriage work, it's over. I saw this in a friend of mine. They were married for many years, he loved her to distraction and she "looked" like she did too. Then one day she up and moves out saying she only stayed because that was what was expected of her and she hadn't loved him for years, had been sleeping around etc...
She knew he still loved her and used that to take him for anything she could get and to this day still calls him for help (either for Money for her and her new husband or other types).

If this is what you are seeing then she is using you. If she has already said she doesn't love you any more but wants you to stay for the kids than what she means is "stay here, pay my bills and take care of my kids while I play around and enjoy your income.

She may not have slept with anyone yet but from past experience she sounds like a gal on the prowl and who knows what she will bring home.
Cut and run, file for divorce before she does. get your ducks in a row before she shoot them out from under you. Talk to a lawyer fast.

Answer 5

Dear Unhappy, you're in a tough position. You can't "make" another person do anything. All you can do is adjust how you react. So begin by acknowledging yourself as a true and wonderful and loving man. Love yourself and celebrate yourself as a great guy. As for her, talk with her and ask what she is looking for, what she wants? Does she want to continue in the marriage? Does she want to have relationships with other men? You are looking at what you have done for her and, it sounds like, insisting that she "owes" you something in return. She may not feel that way and there is no way to make her feel that way or any other way. This may not be very comforting but it is the best direction to move.

Answer 6

This has happen to two women I know of. One was married for 21 years, her husband came home one day and said "I'm sorry but I just don't love you any more and, I think we should live separately"

The other was married to his wife, supported her through many years of school while she went to nursing school, then to become an administrator, than a dean of nursing, than head of the foundation. She came home and told him, after 27 years of marriage, "I just don't love you anymore"

One other, after 12 years, she came home and said "I think I may have an (thing) with my boss, because his wife's back hurts, we only did it once"

So, you see, it happens all the time. This is what I'm saying, you have to get on with our life. Two of these went on, one didn't make it and is struggling all the time. Now won't talk about it.

Other than get over it, get on with you life, is all I can say.

Answer 7

Well okay that was cruel. I feel you there. Do you want to try and save this marriage? If all that is wrong is she doesn't feel you love her, we can work with that. There is still hope.

I'm a FIRM believer in the " Five Love Languages" book.(Link) It talks about how people interpret love differently. You like to give gifts to show your love, but she doesn't see them that way. Give the book a read...it's worth a shot. Your situation can only get better!

Good Luck!

edit - No, she knows you love her but your not doing the things that make her feel loved. You can do and say and give all the things you want but if that is not what she equates with love in HER brain then your actions are for nothing. There is a distinct difference in KNOWING your loved and FEELING your loved.

Answer 8

Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts. (--Norm on Cheers) Quite a riddle you pose there. You've provided well in the material goods department. Does it mean anything that you only mention economic and material things that supposedly show your love? Is your personal approach giving her second thoughts? Maybe ... or maybe she's just screwed up. Don't blame yourself. It doesn't look like you did anything wrong. E-mail me for more direct discussion from another husband whose situation is like yours. Good luck.

Answer 9

Well at least you are getting sex for the rent and being the nanny.
If she does not love you and just wants a marriage of her convenience you might consider tossing her out.
You might as well do it before all the tuition is paid and she leaves after she gets the job.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, some people fall out of love. There's not always a reason, but eventually they decide that their partner isn't what they really wanted.