Getting over shyness?

Question

How can I stop being so shy. I think I'm sending the wrong message to people ( that I don't wanna get to know them), but I really do). How can I get over my shyness and be outgoing?

Answer 1

Be more random. Walk up to somebody you don't know. Carry on a conversation without worrying how he feels about this stranger talking to him. Do this often. It helps.

Answer 2

I also am a shy person and have been most of my life. I can look back over my life and see times when I was more confident and outgoing and other times when I was less so. I read a book recently about body language and how to read body language. One thing the book talked about was the signals you send out to others and then how people respond to your body language. Basically, your personality influences your body language so that if you are a shy person, you may tend to avoid eye contact, lower your head, cross your arms across your chest, etc. If you are more outgoing, you do the opposite of those. Often, people will judge you based on your body language (even though they are not consciously doing so) and if you are shy, then they will think you are a snob or even realize you are shy and then just leave you alone. So, I tried to deliberately use body language that made me appear more confident and outgoing to see if people's responses toward me would change and it did. Acting more confident leads to actually becoming more confident and this helps because, in my opinion, shyness is basically fear of rejection or embarrassment . Anyway, some people will tell you to "just get over it". You and I know it is not that simple. If it was, I would have done it years ago. What it takes, I believe, is a concerted effort to develop social skills that you are lacking. Do this anyway you can think of. Get a job that requires you to deal with strangers more often, for example. While in college, I was in a drama troupe and was able to play roles that were polar opposite of my personality and it was a big help (and a lot of fun). Bottom line is this, get out and meet people, interact with them, and when you have bad things happen, don't let it get you down. For me there have been times when I would go to a gathering and just kind of hang back and hope people would seek me out for conversation and then when it did not happen, I went home and sulked. We shouldn't do that. We have to force ourselves to do thing that are uncomfortable. Compare it to someone who is trying to build up their muscles; it's not all fun and games. It hurts and is uncomfortable, but if you want bigger muscles, you have to do the work. Anyway, if you would like to send me an email, we can discuss this more. The book I mentioned is The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara Pease and Allan Pease. There are several others on the subject as well, but I haven't read any others. Good luck.

Answer 3

I know exactly what you're going through. I wonder if people think I'm rude because I don't talk to them first. That's probably happened to you too. I started getting over my shyness in small ways. Just try to be more out going. Whatever you do or whatever your good at, just take a deep breath and tell yourself that your not gonna live this way anymore and put yourself out there. The way to get rid of being shy is to take yourself out of your comfort zone. We all have a comfort zone and from time to time we begin to rely on it too much. We have to step out of that zone to experience new things and to get used to new environments. I'll admit it's hard to do sometimes, but it has to be done so that we don't live in fear and in shyness for the rest of our lives. But you'll feel so good once you've done something you've never done before, you'll feel a sense of accomplishment. Good luck. Email me if you need to!

Answer 4

I love this question becaue my husband was super shy until he met me. I am by far not shy at all.

It helps if you hang out with people who are not shy.. as they tend to stretch you a bit.

Also take job even if you have a job.. take a small part time that allows you to work with the public.. this way it forces you to come out!

And above all feel good about yourself.. and pray for peace in your transformation..

You will rise above this and feel set free and able to move foward in your relationships.

There will always be some shyness in you and that will be charming.. You just want enough change to not send the wrong messages.

Answer 5

I would get a lifecoach. There are some who specialise in this. Me actually but that wasnt an advert. I promise you shyness can be blown away totally. Its only an internal process that can be undone and disrupted like any other. You can look for any therapist who specialises in NLP and make sure its a good one. You can rapidly become a strong bold person. Shyness no more. NLP is the answer for me. With my students I send them of "missions". bear in mind that they all have hipnosis and NLP sessions and then they go and do something that gives teh mind new experiences. One is the "Hello" mission. You go down the street saying "Hi" to everyone. Most people dont say "Hi" and some do. soon you feel fine about it. Another exercise is "The gift". You ahve to walk around town and you look for the most beautiful woman you can find. When you see her you have to walk over adn say "Hi. You are wonderfully beautiful". The girl usually says "thankyou" and goes a bit red. You walk off and she walks away feeling happy. Well there are many missions. The effect of this kind of training is a radical change in your self concept and shyness goes flying out of the window. I say you deserve to change since you asked for it.

I mean it man dont wait any longer. You dont have to live with shyness, It can be destroyed totally. You life changes a thousand fold for the better when you eliminate shyness and replace it with cool, controlled enthusiasm. good luck and enjoy your change.

brendan

Answer 6

I used to be VERY shy. What ended up working for me was getting to know people one-on-one (I was too shy in groups to ever speak or go up to anyone). Then after getting to know a few people, groups were not so bad. Also, I would go up to someone who was alone and just tried to make small-talk (it's hard at first but gets a lot easier) and you will find that MOST people will be friendly back--and if not, don't ever take it personal or let it stop you from talking to someone else. Also, some people who don't seem interested actually can become a good friend after a while--I found that out usually in working environments. I learned not to judge who would be friendly or not. Good luck!!

Answer 7

Someone once said "shyness is wanting to be bold." I forget who. There is a lot of truth to it. Think of it this way; you are halfway there. Total antisocial people don't even CARE. Remember that you are not the only one who feels afraid or insecure sometimes. Feel good about your strong points, overcome some of your other blocks in baby steps (like if you are bad at remembering names, give yourself a pat on the back if you can remember one or two times in a day, etc.)

I've been there - it is still sometimes a struggle, but it gets better.

Try taking speech classes, too. It is fun and you might be able to overcome that fear, too.

Answer 8

well, i went through shyness for 15 long years...even more...how did i overcome it?
ok---so if you're talkin like...mmm...i used to be very quiet around men...especially adult men...mainly in part to my dad when i was a baby/young girl
i would also be shyer around "cooler" kids...
and many times with guys
like if a guy would try and get to know me i would blow him off and it was terrible!!! but i didn't want to...i'm not sure why i did it...
well, anyways, now i feel fine dancin on top of tables and singing and am a lot more confident and outgoing
but...how did i do it?
well...
this truely isn't all that necessary...
but i moved to the other side of the world as an exchange student...to start a new...maybe you could switch schools?
also...the above, i really don't feel is neccessary...but just a good opprotunity...
what might really help...which i did---is join a camp...an after school club or summer camp involving stuff you're interested in...there are plenty out there and they are amazing for building yourself up!!!
another thing...this was one of the top things which worked for me: makeover!
i cannot stress hard enough how important physical beauty is for the selfesteem...
if you dress really nice and look good people might start complimenting your looks and going easier on you(it's sad, but true, that pretty people get treated better)
start looking in the mirror(i am not kidding)and noticing how hott you are
another thing is...develop a hobby...like, luckily for me, my fabulous mom had me take private guitar lessons for years and i liked art(fab artist her and i)and these talents drew many people to me and people developed respect and patience with me
another thing which helps is---think about what people think of you...think of, for example, what is the worst thing someone could say? like...if you are too scared to ask someone if you can borrow a pen or something, just think...what is the worst thing the person can say and what is the probability the person is going to say that? what, they'e gonna say "no"?
i know it is very difficult...as you can see, i had to move across the world for 6 months to really overcome my shyness...and at times, i still have it...but u know wha u gotta do is...if u start a fresh in a new school u gotta be urself from the beginnin and it will be so much easier from there on out.
i really hope i helped and that u can learn to overcome ur shyness soon
it is very difficult, scary, and rewarding
u can do it
u will overcome ur shyness
and also, think of this: who do YOU look up to? probably an outgoing person of course...it's natural...maybe some people won't like the new "u're not gonna walk all over me/i ain' gonna blow u off and i am gonna be the best" u, bu i can tell u somethin -- the ones who discourage u in bein a better more confident an outgoin person r losers...anyone who does tha u just gotta think"what are these people gonna do with their lives?" and u will see that the people who encourage ur totally fab fresh new self r the ones who will be more succesful, more outgoing, supportive, and probably actually better friends.
right now there is this guy from my old school i blew off and still am feelin so bad bout but i am gonna get him some flowers and chocolates or somethin and apologize cuz i actually looked up to the kid and thought he was cool and i knew if i weren't actin like such an iceburg cuz i was shy or somethin...we could uv been good freunds.
oh yeah...and after i overcame my shyness...became super popular, lot more happier with myself, and lots of guys like me;)
xao xao
good luck:D

so anyways, good luck:D

Answer 9

Use your reasoning abilities "while practicing
'The Four Noble Truths AND The Noble Eightfold Path' and you will quickly oversome your shyness, becoming much more friendly (people will enjoy being around you), AND as a result you will find Happiness and True Peace'"!!!

Answer 10

Know that you don't have to be really outgoing. Don't change who you are, but change how you talk to people. If you give one word answers to someone, maybe tell them a little more.

Sally: How are you?
You: I'm doing good. (tell them something good going in your life)
How are you?
Sally: Well, I'm okay. I'm going to the movies tonight.
You: What movie are you gonna see?
Sally: The Nativity Story
You: That is good. I want to see that movie, too.
Sally: Really? Why don't you come with us?
You: Sure, I'd love to.

Give people a little something to work with. Also, just go up to someone and say Hi. Smile at them. Or if someone approaches you, smile and answer what they are saying.

I hope this helps,
Have a wonderful holiday season!

Answer 11

Just face your fear and make yourself talk to someone. A simple "hello" at first then add "how are you?" or something later. The best way to get over being afraid to talk to people is to hit it head on and just do it! You asked the question in this forum and weren't shy about it. You can do the same face to face with someone in rw.