I recently discovered that my husband has been buying expensive gifts for another man, intimate gifts, having many phone calls from strange men, getting all defensive about everything, hanging out with more and more men, comes home smelling like men. I'm not ok with this at all. I still love him, but I need the appropriate way to approach him with this matter. Please give me some good advice and opening sentences.
2006-12-22 06:58:25 · 15 answers · asked by Beth M 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I don't believe you.
2006-12-22 09:09:32 · answer #1 · answered by Kedar 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What you said is pretty good...
I recently discovered you have been buying expensive gifts for another man, intimate gifts, having many phone calls from strange men, getting all defensive about everything, hanging out with more and more men, coming home smelling like men. I'm not ok with this at all. I still love you, but I need to approach you with this matter.
2006-12-22 15:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
What makes you more mad... the fact that he's been decieving you or the fact that it was with a man?
I understand you're upset but you should handle this the same way you would if he was cheating on you with a woman. Leave him!!!
If he's coming home smelling like men and buy gifts for other people when the money should be going to your family and your home you have every right in the world to be upset! Your husband seems like he's been in the closet whether he is gay or bi. Either way you and your kids need to leave. Children pick up on things more than we realize and they'll know that everything isn't alright, you don't want them growing up thinking that it's ok to cheat.
You should comfront your husband about it if you're not completely sure if he's been cheating. Show him some reciepts asking what this was for or who that was for. He might think it'd be easy to get away with buying gifts for his people on the side around Christmas so check the credit card bill and phone bill and confront him about it when the kids aren't home and won't be home for a while. If he is in the closet though, don't expect him to come right out and tell you that he's sleeping with a man, he probably won't admit to it. If you show him proof he almost has no choice but to and for him decieving himself and you all these years he's got to let it out to gain peace of mind for the both of you.
2006-12-22 15:10:41 · answer #3 · answered by IceyFlame 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Only one word...Goodbye.
Whether it is another man or woman, he is CHEATING on you. He is urinating on the vows the two of you took. I don't understand why you would even ask this question. Pack your stuff, get a lawyer, and get the heck out.
I hate to sound so gross, but what kind of viruses could he be bringing home to you? No, I'm not just talking HIV, but there are rectal viruses that can cause heck in your vagina. In all seriousness, the first question i would ask is if has been using a condom. Then go get tested, no matter what he says.
2006-12-22 16:52:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Baby...I have an important question for you...I want you to know I'm not judging, I just need to know for my own sanity. Are you um, sleeping with another man?"
I'd avoid the word Gay, because well, some people haven't yet come to that conclusion even though they're well versed in the pole smoking area...
You need to get the air clear because if not, you're going to be having far deeper issues if you let it lay the way it is.
2006-12-22 15:01:34 · answer #5 · answered by sdkramer76 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
"Honey, what would you say if I was cheating on with a....another woman?"
"Baby, I need to know how much more you love me than anything else...the truth?"
idk but goodluck, does he seem gay to you?? avoid using the word gay, it may make him emotional about it and could cause some problems. ask to see a marriage counselor if you want to keep going
good luck =]
2006-12-22 16:42:09 · answer #6 · answered by jenny rocks your socks <3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on your guys' relationship with one anohther. do you talk a lot about things? can you freely share feelings with one another? just tell him what your thinking, make him listen and not say anything. dont be mad when talking to him, just be calm and try not to cry. that way, he can have a much easier time explaining when your done talking/telling him things. dont spend your days wondering if hes gay or not, just get it over with and talk with him. it might feel bad if he is gay (for you), but it will feel good just to know that and get the questioning off your chest and just get on with things.
2006-12-22 16:24:43 · answer #7 · answered by Amanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"sit down" we need to talk...and then do it...tell him how you feel...don't let him get defensive..it doesn't sound like you are out to attack him anyway...but you do deserve the truth. I don't know that 'the appropriate way to approach him with this matter" isn't an oxymoron. He is the one who has some explaining to do...Tell him you still love him...but you can't live with the lies.
2006-12-22 15:22:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
sdkrammer has the right idea, at least to avoid a big nasty blowout of an argument.
Seriously, he may be defencive for a few reasons. He's not totally comfortable with his sexuality or identity as a gay man, he's guilty as heck for cheating on you,
2006-12-22 15:12:14 · answer #9 · answered by DEATH 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him you will be more understanding of this situation if he is honest with you instead of hiding it from you. He can't have his cake and eat it too! Tell him he's hurting you and making you suspicious and you shouldn't have to live like that. Be open minded, I'm sure he's scared to death to tell you if he is gay.
2006-12-22 15:01:37 · answer #10 · answered by ~*~A~*~ 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you want a monogamous relationship, you have to tell him you know about _____ and you won't stand for it. He either chooses you or chooses him.
To be frank, I don't think your relationship will survive. Once a cheater, always a cheater (in my opinion). You'll have to decide how much you want to work to keep him.
2006-12-22 15:02:39 · answer #11 · answered by kickbutt 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋