I have recently been researching my suspicions about my husband being gay because he began buying odd expensive gifts for another man and is always having strange men calling him and he's never where he says he's going to be. I honestly believe that he is gay and I need to know of a good way to confront him about this matter. Please help me. Thanks.
2006-12-22 06:49:36 · 16 answers · asked by Beth M 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Been there done that with the ex-wife years 7 years ago. Honestly is best policy and maybe he will be more apt to open up to you, if he sees that you are empathetic. It's only fair to you, as you derserve to be with someone sexually compatible. The biggest is that your are with someone that you are not living a lie with daily.
To that end I nerver cheated on my ex-wife and did not tell her anything until a year after the divorce. I choose to set her free and tell her later. This was by the advice of my attorney since my son's custody would be detrmined. He did not want to risk having the ex-wife going ballistic and threaten to get full custody.
I finally told her a year later. This was after my first break-up with my first meaningful relationship with a man.To this day she and I remain best friends and co-parent my son. Oddily enough I was heart broken from this break-up with this man. She was amazing during my hard time and constantly told me he was not good enough for me and I deserved better. I was floored by her sincere interest in making sure I was happy. She is now happily remarried and living the life she dreamed of by spending it with a man that she loves. He can perform the husbandly duties in the bedroom that I lost interest in
You are definaetly not alone. I has so many gay male friends who also have been married and the pressure of society and family lead them to lead a double life. One of my buddies ex-wife had his computer scanned for pictures of men, porn, etc... She ended up finding what she was looking for and it was confirmed that he was gay..
You are to be commended for facing this with such courage and understanding. Support group do exist for people like yourself, and family members. I provided a link to article of similiar issues. Hopefully you will not need the link. Good luck!
2006-12-23 09:06:33 · answer #1 · answered by Kirk S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you still have sex? Why kind of odd gifts? Do you have children?
If you honestly believe he is gay, then just sit down, tell him how much you love him, but that you just don't believe he loves you back the same way and then tell him why. ask him though, don't "accuse" him. Either he will deny it or be tired of living a double life, or really NOT be gay. Be VERY sure about the suspicions before you do this, because if you are wrong, then it could destroy your marriage. If you are right, it's already destroyed anyway. Good luck!
2006-12-22 06:56:48 · answer #2 · answered by Snick S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with others who have said that cheating is cheating, but at the same time it may be a very difficult thing he is going through and isn't quite sure who he really is. Your supporting him, although very difficult for you, is very honorable. I would confront him with the information that you have and sit down with him to genuinely share your feelings. Don't accuse him right away, unless you know he has done inappropriate things, just ask him about what you are seeing, that he is spending your money and is never where he says he is and see what he says. Let him know you want your relationship to be strong and work, but that if something is bothering him or he thinks the relationship isn't working you would accept that. Anyway, good luck. And, you never know, you may just be overreacting, so play it careful because you wouldn't want to damage something that wasn't already damaged.
2006-12-22 08:53:49 · answer #3 · answered by straightup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't confront him in a demeaning and confrontational way. Ask him if he is gay or thinks he might be, and that if he is you will understand or would like to discuss it to try to understand him and what makes him that way. Do not do this in front of other people, but in private and when you have time to listen and talk openly about it. If he is gay then you two will have to talk about the future and if you will continue on together as husband and wife. If he admits he is gay, try to find a good neutral counselor and go separately, then together with the view of mapping out your futures.
2006-12-22 07:08:37 · answer #4 · answered by Pablo 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with him and talk to him.
Tell him you know somethings going on and want an answer, let him know you won't be upset if hes gay (since strange men are calling) If him being gay doesn't bother you.... be there for him if you guys have a strong friendship too. Ask him what he wants to do.
I know it'll hurt but hes hurting you now by just doing what he pleases and thinking you won't know about it. That's cheating. He doesn't want to be honest with you if he cant talk to you and that's a BAD sign. Always is.
Talk to him... don't yell and scream.... maybe hes just coming out of the closet and is scared to tell you so if you ask nicely, say "please just tell me your gay" he'll probably just say it. then you guys can talk about what to do.
You do deserve someone who can be honest and faithful tho. So if he has been cheating then..... I think you need to end it.
Hope this helps some. Take care
2006-12-22 07:27:07 · answer #5 · answered by tashasw79 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
Explain to him you believe there is something driving a wedge between the two of you in your relationship. That you love him and want him to be successful as a huband and a friend. Tell him that because you love him you are open to help him in whatever he does, however, you would like to know how and why your relationship has changed? Then the ball is in his court. Being confrontational and being a victim will not solve this situation if there is one, it will simply drive him away. Good luck, always be honest and urge him to do the same!
2006-12-22 07:15:56 · answer #6 · answered by TurtleBoy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree that cheating is cheating, be it with a man or a woman. I'd start letting him know that you're a little suspicious, by asking who was calling or who the gifts are going to. When it begins to escalate and if he starts to get defensive, confront him about his odd behavior and tell him you want an explanation.
2006-12-22 06:56:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Attempting to beat the record for most times the word "gay" is used in a troll?
2016-03-29 03:56:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You treat this like you would treat him if it was a woman. If it was a woman would it be OK? No!!!!!! I think not! You ask him if he is cheating. If he is gay it has nothing with the fact you have a commitment and he is cheating. Is this sinking in? Commitment/cheating. cheating commitment. Its not a straight gay issue. Whoop his @ss if he is cheating on you and find you an attorney!
2006-12-22 06:58:47 · answer #9 · answered by Karrien Sim Peters 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
don't u remember hes UR husband?means ur partner,,,ur evrything,ur better half,so i think there shouldn't be any place for such kinda words like hesitation,or lie or hatred in ur relation...hes already ur better better half then whats the need of shying from ur own part,,,,go straight talk to him in a suitable time.all the best!
n love u for ur greatness that boldly accept the fact of ur hubby's gayness..i salute u,u're a woman of high stnadrds!!
2006-12-22 07:01:28 · answer #10 · answered by kawal 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋