My friend recently got married to her boyfriend of 6 years. He occassionally calls and recevies calls from girls and she has expressed that bothers her. He won't listen. Is this cause to get angry or is she just being paranoid?
2006-12-22 06:47:06 · 28 answers · asked by Petra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are these mutual friends? You didn't mention this. If so and boundaries can be established and not crossed I think it can be OK. Also did these calls take place before the marriage? Though many people have friends and Business Associates that are the opposite sex and can keep from crossing boundaries, I feel it is wrong to put yourself in this situation. I personally don't think I would practice this for fear of crossing boundaries of friendship and escalating into an affair. An affair can be only emotional and verbal as well as full blown with contact. It would be easy to see this happen. My answer is that this is not OK and she should put her foot down. Good Luck
2006-12-22 08:33:38 · answer #1 · answered by 93octane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that it bothers his new wife that he has female friends. I think she is just being paranoid. I am a married woman who both calls and emails a male friend who is also in a relationship. There is no reason for anyone to be bothered by it. I do think he should have listened to her request and tried to be understanding about her feelings on the subject though. He should at the very least be willing to talk to her about it. I hope things work out as both parties need to be understanding to each other.
2006-12-22 07:23:25 · answer #2 · answered by princess lily 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why get angry? Just tell him it isn't allowed any more.
Here's why:
despite what well-meaning women think, who all want a ball-less eunuch or a gay shoe shopping friend, men do not have a "female friend" category.
Our categories are:
[1] Women we are dying to screw but haven't screwed yet,
[2] Women we have already screwed;
[3] Women too hideous to screw.
And we DON'T take emails and cell phone calls from [3]'s.
Get it?
Armed with this knowledge, go forth and tell him the jig is up.
2006-12-22 07:20:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been going through this with my boyfriend. He has female "friends" he texts with and talks to on his cell phone, and I happen to know (by his own admission) that most of these "friendly" conversations actually consisted of phone sex.
I don't see a problem with men or women having friends of the opposite sex. But in my situation, what upsets me is that he hides it and lies about it, and when he gets caught, he acts like I'M the bad guy and he gets all defensive.
If your friend isn't comfortable with her boyfriend talking to other women, then he needs to respect that and stop. No if's, and's, or but's about it.
2006-12-22 07:02:34 · answer #4 · answered by Heather C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't believe he just started talking to other girls since the marriage. He has been doing this and she already knew about if like you say they dated for 6 yrs. If she trusted him enough to marry him after knowing he was talking to other girls then yeah she is paranoid and for what I have no idea.
2006-12-22 06:51:42 · answer #5 · answered by Clara 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sure respect her and put her first. If she is upset with him for talking to girls on the phone than he should stop. If the girls are true friend to him than they would be concerned friends of them not just him. My husband and I have different friend that we known before we meet each other, but since we are married my guysfriends and his girls friends are friends with us and they respect us that went we have a party or they call one of us they talk to both of us.
If this friendship he have with these girls are on a more sexually relationship than he more concerned flirting or may be cheating. No, No.
I have ex's than are best friend with my husband. I do not have feel for them anymore but I do have a great friendship with them and so do my husband. it is all about RESPECT!!!!
2006-12-22 07:05:38 · answer #6 · answered by candi.delight 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally wrong. If he "loves" his wife he should realize he can sacrifice a few "friends" to keep his wife. It's a low life-ted person that would do otherwise.
Here's the loop hole. If she was invited to participate in the conversation she knows everything they are talking about then it could make things much more transparent. However, even then, danger lurks!
2006-12-22 07:39:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As in everything else marital, compromise is the key. If he KNOWS it bothers her, and he feels it's silly 'cause these are just casual friends, he should tell her that. But he should respect her wishes and not talk to them in front of her or while at home with her. And if there is one "friend" his wife is jealous of, for any reason, he should cut that friendship off....because he loves his wife and wants her to be happy. (But that means his wife must also do the same with any male friends of hers.)
2006-12-22 07:03:26 · answer #8 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it bothers her and she has said so, and he still continues to do it, he is being inconsiderate.
my husband knows it bothers me when certain people call him from his work when he is off the clock. he is not working, there is no need to call him. and guess what? the calls stopped. because he cares. it bothered him when a guy friend of mine called me from time to time. (turns out the guy did have a crush on me) i stopped having contact with him. i love my husband. and there is almost nothing i wouldn't do for him. and my husband feels the same way.
2006-12-22 07:15:20 · answer #9 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are just friends it should not be a problem. If they are not just friends of course there is justifiable anger and paranoia. Obviously, there are trust issues. As a husband, he is should always do what is necessary to reaffirm his commitment to his wife. Including not talking to other hos on the phone.
2006-12-22 06:52:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋