We've been married for 6 years. We both are nurses. He worked as a nurse for a couple of years and then decided it wasn't paying enough. He went back to school for 1 or 2 semesters for computers, and quit that. Then, he found another job with another title and kept that for a year or so. He quit that because he didn't like it and said it wasn't paying enough. So, he goes back to school, this time he gets a degree in Buisness Administration. Searches for a job and takes a job in management. Again, he kept that job for a year or so and then went back to work as a nurse. My point is he has shown flightiness and procrastinations all over the place. His final job is now in California thousands of miles from our home. He is attending school & will b there for 1 1/2 years I am 34 & he is 33. He says we can't have a family until he finishes school. Anyone see a trend here? Seems like he's making all the life choices just how far do i have 2 give up what I want so he can go back 2 school agai
2006-12-22 06:33:43 · 16 answers · asked by Hear2Help 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The expiration date on your patience is long past due. You have given him FAR more time and options than most people would. You should feel no guilt calling a halt to the madness. However, here is my warning: If he does agree to halt the madness it will not be permanent. He will wait until you are settled and then spring another change on you. Let's face it, someone with this pattern is unlikely to stop. You may never have children. Is that what you want? Or if you do have children, do you want them jerked around all over the place while he tries out his next idea?
You don't have kids, so there is nothing keeping you back. If I were you, I'd say goodbye. It's time to stop wasting your time on a lost cause.
2006-12-22 06:51:39 · answer #1 · answered by Karen L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, this is so beyond compromise that it's not funny. At which point in this relationship did you stop talking about the future? Seriously. It's almost as if you both started off on the same path and then somewhere along the way he started off in another direction and you just went along for the ride. If you have a voice, use it before you lose it honey. ANd stop making all the sacrifices. I know it makes you appear to be the better person, but how good can you be, when all those sacrifices turn into resentment. You are wasting years you are never going to be able to get back honey. If this isn't what you envisioned, take a step back, re-evaluate the situation and ask yourself some really hard questions. Then ask your husband those same questions.
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but life is short and quite frankly, nobody should live in the shadows of someone else.
2006-12-22 07:24:18 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've already got your answer. Marriage, a good one, means negotiating between the parties. Inevitably there will be disagreements, differing goals, etc. So you sit down and negotiate. If one partner makes a unilateral decision that is significantly disruptive (how's that for putting it delicately?) it can destroy the trust in the relationship. Talk to him about your goals and ask what he can do to support you. Negotiate. If you two can't agree, perhaps it's time to seek alternative solutions...such as divorce. Hate to say it but today, marriage doesn't mean "for life", it means for so long as the two of you can get along and agree.
2006-12-22 06:38:51 · answer #3 · answered by judgebill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he only thinks about himself. I do not think he is capable of being in a relationship let alone having a family. If I were you I would move on and find someone else that shared the same goals and dreams you do.
2006-12-22 07:04:15 · answer #4 · answered by Mystic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you that I am 35 & no college at all cause I have waited on my hubby to pick one career so I can go back to school& needless to say we have been married 14 years & I'm still on hold for my education. You know what you have to do so good luck to you both.
2006-12-22 06:39:20 · answer #5 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs career counseling and you both need counseling. I think you should talk with him and set a timeline for him to finish school when you will be to start a family. I talking about an exact date, not just WHEN i finish. If he can't agree and adhere to that, I would consider divorce.
2006-12-22 06:42:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is Bi polar and cant make up his mind on anything. A "normal" person usually chooses a carreer, gets the appropriate education and then goes for a job. Usually people dont bounce around like this, I think before having children you need to resolve his flightiness and get him to committ to ONE job path. You both need stability before having children or else it will worsen everything. Good luck to you
2006-12-22 06:36:48 · answer #7 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
at this rate you will never be able to start a family. He sounds pretty selfish, I 'm not so sure I would want to have kids with him.
2006-12-22 06:38:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would wonder why you two stay together when it appears that you are not happy about this relationship.
2006-12-22 06:36:38 · answer #9 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would hire a detective something is fishy.
2006-12-22 06:38:23 · answer #10 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋