.Mother was murderd 11yrs ago today..just don't care anymore.?

Question

My husband is an A**, tells me why do I cry for her now that she is gone there is nothing I can do now. Brother wont talk to me about it. Feel like crap every mothers day and christmas. Oh yeah my father is dead too he passed a way when I was 14yrs. old.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for your losses, especially with such violence. It's something you will have to deal with the rest of your life, so why not get some counseling and talk about it with a grief specialist. The hurt will never go away, but you can learn to deal with it in a more positive way...and you can still talk to her...she is your guardian angel now, and will be with you until you join her someday. God bless, and have a merry Christmas with her.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss. Men have a different way of looking at emotional problems - avoiding it!
I am sure your brother is grieving inside but doesnt want to talk about it because he is afraid that he may cry (some men think it's not normal for men to cry!).
As for your husband - he probably was not around to know your mother before she passed away. So he doesnt know how much she means to you. You talk to him and tell him that crying is just your way of venting out your feelings, if he cant deal with it he should not talk and let you grieve in your own way.
I speak for others who have posted messages - our hearts go out to u. I really hope u feel better soon and have a Merry Christmas.

Answer 3

Trying to find emotional depth with the male of the species is admirable, though quite foolish. We men tend to keep our emotions streamlined and keep it going with a mild ebb and flow. For this i will apologize for all of us guys. We do tend to analyze the obvious, categorize everything and shove it into a mental cubby hole. It makes us seem very callous and uncaring, which is usually far from the truth, but these are the necessary tools we utilize to help us wade through the emotional highs and lows of the ladies in our lives. You must admit, it would be difficult to be having a crying session and then he got to the point he was doing the same thing and then no one is in control and it leaves both mentally drained and depressed. It is already hard enough when our significant others go through it, our job is to be the rock.

Now assuming your man is not being the stone of ife he should be, then I suggest counseling for both of you. If he can't reach a level were you can be you and he know how to handl it, then i suggest a divorce and find a better man. Merry Christmas.

Answer 4

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mother, my mother was also shot and killed by my step-father when i was 10 and i'm 36 now and there is'nt a day that goes by that i don't think of her and i get depressed around mother's day so bad that i get grouchy and i cry alot, but my husband understands me though. If you get this and read it and need a friend i'll be there your not alone although it feels like it. My Father is also past on due to liver failure and i did'nt know this "friend" was my real dad till it was to late.

Answer 5

i know your probably tired of hearing this, but i'm sorry. my older brother died before me or my sisters were born and i had an uncle on my mom's side that i never got to meet. i lost my grandma last year. then i lost my grandpa a few months later. after that i lost my favorite aunt almost two days after New Years. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't regret not getting to know any of them better. i know what your going through, just the other day i began crying because i read a poem that reminded me of my grandma. talk to your friends if your brother won't talk. tell your husband to f*** off. you can e-mail me if you need to talk. it may take a while for your wounds to heal, but don't worry, they will.

PS whenever i get sad about missing any of my deceased family memebers, my mom tells me that, though she's isn't entirely sure that there is a heaven, they are in a better place and they're watching over me and that i would get to see them again. i'm not sure if that makes you feel better. i just thought i should add that.

PSS whatever you do, don't let you moms spirt die. keep thinking about her, but don't let it interfere with you everyday life. so long as you remember her, her love for you will never die.

Answer 6

My father died suddenly when I was 14 and my mother 2 years ago, again suddenly. But I don't think I can even begin to understand the pain you feel at having your mother murdered. My husband understands my pain at times like this and on mother's day. He supports me because he knows a girl is close to her mother. Your husband sounds like he is a self absorbed jerk who can't or won't understand what you are feeling. To be honest, you'd be better off without him. Marriage partners are supposed to support each other and to be supportive even if they truly don't understand the problem. It may be your brother won't talk about it because that is his way of dealing with the loss, it is too painful for him to talk about it.

Answer 7

I'm really sorry to hear that! but you tell your husband to kiss your ***. You can cry its your ******* mom and you loved her and cuts run deep and it might take you a while to get over it. he should be able to respect that if he's your husband. But on x mas and mothers day and fathers day you just have to realize that she is in a much better place. trust I know how you feel because I always feel bad on fathers day and if you ever feel like you cant talk t sumeone dont you ahve the lord. and even though your mom isnt with you in physical apperance she's there in spirit.

Answer 8

Theres nothing wrong with your feelings......still grieving. Both of my parents have also passed. If he loses someone, you could sure turn it around and tell your hubby, "why are you crying?....there's nothing you can do about it" See how he likes that. Don't worry......many people feel like you do, this is why they have more suicides this time of the year than any other month. So I say you just celebrate the time that you had with them, don't celebrate their death. Best of luck to you, and Merry Christmas.

Answer 9

So sorry to hear that. Sounds like you have a lot of pain and don't listen to your husband about it. It's ok to cry over the lose of your mother. I would if mine was gone. If your husband doesn't want you to cry over it then sounds like you shouldn't be with him. Maybe it's to painful for your brother to talk about it but keep asking him to talk about it and maybe he'll open up to you. It's ok to be sad but don't let it take over your life.

Answer 10

On jan 11th, my mom will have been gone for 6 years. Its hard every yr. LUCKY for me, every time I cry, Every time I wake up in the middle of the night sobbing, every time I can hardly get out of bed because it hurts so much, every holiday, every birthday, every good thing that happens to me that she isnt sharing with me.... I have a WONDERFUL husband who holds me, and tells me everything will be ok.

Tell your husband he needs to seriously consider how he reacts to your feelings from now on, or else he is going to lose the best thing he's ever had.